Saturday, October 17, 2009

Another Day

I have grown very intrigued with the concept of a blog. I haven't much in the past looked at individuals blogs and find them very interesting. I feel out of touch that I haven't in the past jumped on the bandwagon of the personal blog or blog period. I have embraced most things on the Internet and have kept up with the growing trends even though recently I'm very bored with some of them which included facebook,groups, twitter. What most appeals to me about reading blogs is that I find people interesting especially there lives. You can only get so much from a blurb on tweet or facebook. Status updates are so vague. The problem with facebook and twitter updates is that you can get a million little status updates to get anything and not much substance. I like more substance. I also love the idea of writing about things as mundane as they are sometimes. Sometimes, the mundane can tell you plenty about a person also. Most people aren't out there winning Nobel Peace Prizes or doing what some consider meaningful advocacy work. They are just regular people that have regular life's and have some insights.

What I do love about the Internet is a person never has to feel alone with a problem as I'm sure someone suffers from malady somewhere and all over the world. Over the years I have belonged to my fair share of Internet support groups and general groups. Some helpful and some not so helpful. Some of the more helpful ones where just general living. I seem to suffer from a living problem . I have came to that conclusion anyway. Which my mood swings seem to aggravate the way I live my daily life and causes problems at times how I view myself. I either view myself to highly or suffer from low self-esteem.
I was noticing yesterday when I was headed to town to go to the dump that I had a truck full of stuff that needed to be cleared out so I could load it with bags of trash. I was looking at the stuff I was unloading and thinking at the time I just had to have these things that I bought even though they have sat out in the truck (aka) storage shed for a couple of weeks. I came out with a roasting pan, media storage system , Wii, three pairs of shoes, various clothing from storage and previous travels, and finally knick knacks from my previous house. That is just the backseat and not the bed of the truck. Since this move I have been trying to organize this house and not to much avail when I keep bringing more in than I take out. It is real hard to try to combine two households. This house was at full capacity before I moved in. That is putting it nicely:) My partner is a clutterbug and trying now to take strides into improving that problem even though it isn't fast enough for me. Previously we shared two residences in two different countries for going on 7 years and took the plunge to combine them this year. It has been an adjustment for me to be in just one place and not travelling back and forth every three months. With not travelling back and forth I can focus more on just one house which has it's advantages and disadvantages. I miss my old house as it was organized and clutter free. It seemed bigger also. Hard to tell with all the clutter in this house how big it is. Last winter and I continue today to hit road blocks and seem stagnate at times how to progress ahead with clearing out the stuff that is what I term just junk and useless. I want things to be used and not just acquired which is hard when your a bipolar couple. The thing though through my travels back and forth from the states to Canada I learned was I was much less attached to my things. Especially, now with much of my things in storage , I seem not very attached to things what so ever. I do have my favorite things like my computer and music equipment but most things I'm attached to could fit into three bags. I never thought in a million years I could become detached from things. I seem to just want things that enhance my life now than trap me. If it doesn't get used it gets pitched. Which reminds me I need to do more pitching. It is also hard with my mood swings because I swear that someday I will do some type of project and it just never gets opened. I'm still working on it. For the things I cleared out of the truck they will get used but not soon enough . I don't feel like playing any game at the moment as that takes energy. Roasting pan, well I don't feel much like making a roast either. The storage system is great if it will ever get put together. I look at it this way, the first step with dealing with this stuff is just moving it into the house because I will deal with it probably when I get to a better place. That better place isn't coming soon enough though. One thing I have learned about moods they do change . I just don't have a crystal ball to tell when they will. Until then I will just tenderly trudge and make myself do what I can.

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