Life is getting back to some sort of normal for me. It has been a long month with many changes. I haven't really felt like blogging. Why I really don't know. We have had our bathroom gutted and a lot of kitchen torn out also. It was suppose to take a week and ended up taking 17 days. 15 of those days we had to live in a shitty motel room. We managed to encounter many problems that we didn't know that existed with this house and ran way over budget fixing things like electrical and serious plumbing. It was like one of those nightmare remodel shows that they show you what someone else tried to screw you on and encounter big problems trying to fix it. Anyway, I managed to get real depressed during this time with mounds of anxiety. I think part of the reason was eating a horrible diet full of processed fast food and frozen or canned crap at the motel. At the end I found a electric skillet and a mini crock pot and ended up fixing way healthier options and could feel the difference in energy and over all feeling a little better.
It still wasn't home and we had to walk and take out two very unruly dogs and hope we didn't let the cat who was pissed off out the motel room door also in every kind of weather you can think of. One day snow storms next day sleet, then after that tons of rain. Not a very happy camper when I was suppose to smoke out side with this shit also. After a couple of days probably four I had it . I was a raging bitch for my nicotine. I broke down and started to smoke in the comforts of the room. I probably would of thought different if it was a decent place with decent people owning it. We didn't get our room cleaned in the 15 days we where there. I ended up cleaning it better than when we rented it. That dive was the cheapest in the area to rent at about 70 a day with animals which ended up costing about a thousand for 15 days. The place truly was out of the twilight zone and the people where super weird. It made me feel pretty damn sane. That is really something when a lot of people consider me eccentric and a little off
The old dog seemed to like it and loves the cold weather now. Seems to have went into a sort of remission. I'm very confused why he is still alive and doing OK for now. That can turn tomorrow. I'm just thankful he made it through x-mas and probably to the new year. It buys a little time which I need. Life has been seriously chaotic and I don't need that right now. Still having to wake up in the middle of the night to let him out. J has done it the majority of a year now taking him out in the middle of the night. Not to bad if you can just send him out and go back to sleep when he is done. But a real pain having to put on all your winter clothes and boots chain him and walk around for 10 minutes so he can find the perfect spot. He is real picky about his bathroom habits and makes you want to rage at the poor animal when your freezing your ass off in the pitch dark.
He knows when we get at the end of our ropes with him and then hurried up. Thank god we are home now and it is as easy as just opening up the door for him so he can take his sweet loving time.
My shoulders and back acted up pretty badly from all the moving I was doing getting everything out of the kitchen and bathroom and just general stuff I purged from the house since we had a huge dumpster. Ended up firing my old massage therapist because she basically worked when she wanted to and was just a serious flake. Ended up with a better assessment of my shoulder and back. It seems which I knew a little already was my accident that broke a collar bone was acting up. The scar tissue seems to be pulling everything to my right side making my left shoulder hurt. Some how my back muscles are twisted also. Never really figured out what I do to cause that but it hurts. I wasn't able to lift my arms over my head. I had two massages and it seems to release probably the rotar cuff and what ever tight muscle. She was talking muscles and everything else showing it to me on a chart and it was all Greek to me. But I really did appreciate trying to explain things to me and taking me more serious and just not taking my money and doing a half ass job. She was a real positive person and it really made a difference getting the massage also and not having to listen to negative politics that I don't agree with like the other one did. I like relaxing and not talking. It showed me how my needs where not being took into consideration by the other one. It is hard for me to be objective about dysfunctional people or even see I'm around them because I tolerate a lot of stuff from people. It wasn't until I got angry I changed. Have wanted to for along time and even stopped going to massage. I also thought it was wonderful she suggested basic yoga to stretch all the muscles that hurt me as away of helping and managing the muscle pain. Also showed me stretches for the shoulders that hurt but it hurts worse not to do them. I'm sure exercise will help with my mood as it always has in the past. I was way more active this summer and seen how inactive I have became already this winter. I will have to change that to survive winter this year.
I have been so sick over the holidays with some sort of flu. I'm pretty sure being ran down and handing a lot of stress it was probably pretty easy to pick up something. I have been just sleeping and eating healthy to make it go away. Some good all in one flu pills help mask the symptoms some. I'm feeling a lot better but still probably have a couple of days to get back to normal. I look forward to this new year and putting the old one behind. I hope to be updating more .
Showing posts with label Shoulder Pain. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Shoulder Pain. Show all posts
Wednesday, December 28, 2011
Friday, February 18, 2011
This could be two post
It was such a grey windy morning when I woke up. I was less than thrilled about this winter thaw we are having. A couple of hours later it was so bright and sunny. I changed my mind about the hot day. The temp is (40F)or (5C) I'm getting real good at converting back and forth from Fahrenheit and Celsius. I should say more of a ball park as I have basically memorized what is what. I still don't think in metrics. My head clicks back and forth with metric and Celsius. It reminds me that I'm taking to my new country and home. I have also pretty much have shed my southern accent and slang also. I was never raised in the south but my parents where southern and for awhile lived in hillbilly hell in the states. It has took me a good 2-3 years to shed my accent and also develop an ear for other ethnic accents. I was totally lost when someone from certain countries from Europe, Asia or India spoke to me. Not any longer as it sounds very normal to me now. I watch the show swamp people and you would have to run sub-titles on that show now for me to understand them half the time.
I went to my massage though yesterday and realized though when I'm totally relaxed my new non accent and old accent comes and goes . It is weird. Sometimes, I still have to think how to articulate something in clear English or I should say without an accent. I have picked up more of an English vocabulary since living in Ontario full time. When my mother and daughter came and visited this summer, we all looked at each other at times and wondered what the other one was saying. I never realized they had an accent. They had a hard time with my non-accent and different words for different things and some cultural differences. Example, if you order tea in Ontario, you will get a cup of hot tea. In the states , you will get Iced Tea. The Ice tea is different also here. You will get a can of Ice tea. In the south or mid-west you will get some blend of probably Orange Pekoe that is cooled and made into ice tea with tons of sugar. Here that would be like drinking cold hot tea and why would anyone want to do it. Like drinking cold coffee. There is so many little subtle differences between Canada and the States. I could write a whole blog on it. Many differences even in the different provinces just like in the states from North, North West , South West, West, Mid West, and South.
This is going on my third straight year here without going back and forth to the states. I think it has helped me adjust better not going back and forth every 3 months or 6 months living here and there. It really has been a positive on the pocket book not maintaining two houses and for my ability to really find myself. I hated living here full time at first. I hated the rural area etc. I hated being away from my family. I hated to have to start over again. But to be honest , I just hated change. I have always hated change. It is very stressful to me. It is a trigger that makes my moods upside down. I should say what ever mood I'm worse. I have been more open to some change in my life .
Spring coming up is always open to change to me. Just like the season changes so does my mood. Even though we still have a couple more weeks of who knows what here. I can see the gradual change to spring. I see the gradual change in myself. The depression is lifting. The yearning to exercise is coming back. So is the yearning to be healthy and active again. It is like I'm going to get my leafs back or bloom. Even in my depressed or mixed mood down deep I wanted to get back to living a healthier lifestyle and fixing some of my nagging physical pain. I never really thought of myself having chronic pain as it wasn't as horrible as some people with chronic pain. I would just have bad day after I did something like real heavy activity or lifting. Then it increased to a couple of bad days after that kind of activity. Then after all my pain is easier to deal with if I'm in a higher mood or not depressed. Depressed , I don't deal with anything much less pain.
I have been coming along real good physically. My shoulder which was totally immobile went from horrible bitter sharp pain to nagging dull pain to more stiff. I still have a little ways to go but I really feel so much better. I'm also working slowly on other nagging areas such as back. It really has me intouch with how much I need to shed some pounds and get active again. I used to work out to make certain areas strong such as my abs for my back. I also did rowing to strenghten my shoulders. When I gained a ton of weight last year and stopped being active I started to hurt gradually more and more. I was also real skeptic about massage. I got to tell you , I'm sold now. I had a ton of scar tissue formed around difference various muscles in my shoulder and rotator cuff. It has been slowly but sort of fast 2 times a week for a month and I don't feel the pain like I did years ago injuring myself. They are able to break down the scar tissue without surgery. The best thing is doing it new scar tissue doesn't grow back. My body is a mess of years of accidents. Accidents caused by poor judgement and high impact activities. I don't want to be a old lady before my time. I have stopped that stuff for the most part. i just think things out a little better now. I hope I can stay with my new stife to get better.
I went to my massage though yesterday and realized though when I'm totally relaxed my new non accent and old accent comes and goes . It is weird. Sometimes, I still have to think how to articulate something in clear English or I should say without an accent. I have picked up more of an English vocabulary since living in Ontario full time. When my mother and daughter came and visited this summer, we all looked at each other at times and wondered what the other one was saying. I never realized they had an accent. They had a hard time with my non-accent and different words for different things and some cultural differences. Example, if you order tea in Ontario, you will get a cup of hot tea. In the states , you will get Iced Tea. The Ice tea is different also here. You will get a can of Ice tea. In the south or mid-west you will get some blend of probably Orange Pekoe that is cooled and made into ice tea with tons of sugar. Here that would be like drinking cold hot tea and why would anyone want to do it. Like drinking cold coffee. There is so many little subtle differences between Canada and the States. I could write a whole blog on it. Many differences even in the different provinces just like in the states from North, North West , South West, West, Mid West, and South.
This is going on my third straight year here without going back and forth to the states. I think it has helped me adjust better not going back and forth every 3 months or 6 months living here and there. It really has been a positive on the pocket book not maintaining two houses and for my ability to really find myself. I hated living here full time at first. I hated the rural area etc. I hated being away from my family. I hated to have to start over again. But to be honest , I just hated change. I have always hated change. It is very stressful to me. It is a trigger that makes my moods upside down. I should say what ever mood I'm worse. I have been more open to some change in my life .
Spring coming up is always open to change to me. Just like the season changes so does my mood. Even though we still have a couple more weeks of who knows what here. I can see the gradual change to spring. I see the gradual change in myself. The depression is lifting. The yearning to exercise is coming back. So is the yearning to be healthy and active again. It is like I'm going to get my leafs back or bloom. Even in my depressed or mixed mood down deep I wanted to get back to living a healthier lifestyle and fixing some of my nagging physical pain. I never really thought of myself having chronic pain as it wasn't as horrible as some people with chronic pain. I would just have bad day after I did something like real heavy activity or lifting. Then it increased to a couple of bad days after that kind of activity. Then after all my pain is easier to deal with if I'm in a higher mood or not depressed. Depressed , I don't deal with anything much less pain.
I have been coming along real good physically. My shoulder which was totally immobile went from horrible bitter sharp pain to nagging dull pain to more stiff. I still have a little ways to go but I really feel so much better. I'm also working slowly on other nagging areas such as back. It really has me intouch with how much I need to shed some pounds and get active again. I used to work out to make certain areas strong such as my abs for my back. I also did rowing to strenghten my shoulders. When I gained a ton of weight last year and stopped being active I started to hurt gradually more and more. I was also real skeptic about massage. I got to tell you , I'm sold now. I had a ton of scar tissue formed around difference various muscles in my shoulder and rotator cuff. It has been slowly but sort of fast 2 times a week for a month and I don't feel the pain like I did years ago injuring myself. They are able to break down the scar tissue without surgery. The best thing is doing it new scar tissue doesn't grow back. My body is a mess of years of accidents. Accidents caused by poor judgement and high impact activities. I don't want to be a old lady before my time. I have stopped that stuff for the most part. i just think things out a little better now. I hope I can stay with my new stife to get better.
Sunday, January 30, 2011
Ramblings
I don't really have a solid idea on what to blog on. So much and So little has been going on with me. That sounds like a contridiction. Bare, with me my mind. It is jumbled up. It feels like a salad. Salad meaning it has many things in it. You can identify the pieces in it but it is all mixed up. My lack of writing has been about how to structure what I write. With my thoughts all over the place or feeling blank it really is hard to write. I also have been in a lot of pain still and it is hard to hang my arm in the postion to have to type. So, if you still are following my post, I will try to actually write something.
Like my last post previously stated.... I have been dealing with physical pain. My shoulder is pretty screwed up. I have a lot of issues going on with it. It is ironic that just one thing isn't wrong with it but many. Such is my life. Sometimes, I get a cynical laugh out of it. I really can't recall what was the catalyst that set the shoulder to really act up. I have dealt with my bummed shoulders for years. Like the therapist said "it was probaly something stupid you did like grabbing a box of something" I was very active one day and two days after woke up not able to hardly move my arm. I had pain that I haven't expieranced in years. I knew I had issues with the shoulder but it didn't bother me on a chronic bases or get in the way of my life. Whatever I did was the straw that broke the camels back. The funny thing was before this happened I scheduled an appoinment to deal with it. It was part of my resolve to start taking care of myself better. I just have had to deal with it at a faster pace.
I must be in an OK mood to even deal with it as much as I have been. My mood always picks up around this time to escalate into mania by the end of Febuaruary. It hits like clock work every year. I could feel like a switch flipping right before this happened. I was actually relieved as I could get on with life and my winter sports. This year the season for downhill skiing and cross country skiing is peaking. I was looking forward to starting back again. Well, I'm disappointed. This year I'm not going to be able to do any skiing of any sort. I generally take a vacation in the winter also . Mostly a skiing vacation or some version of something I enjoy. With the cost involved of getting my shoulder tolerable and gaining mobility , it is very expensive. I'm gratefully that even though it hurts my bank account like hell, I'm able to afford it. The other thing is I can't risk farther injury and any set back. If you don't know anything about cross country skiing you use your shoulder a lot. Lower body for downhill. Just can't risk a fall with that though.
I go through periods where I feel defeated. It isn't depression. I'm getting to a place where I'm accepting the things I can't do this winter. I'm trying to think of other things to do even though I really had my heart set on other things. It pisses me off. I'm trying to focus on getting better and just hoping like hell this shoulder won't affect my golf season this year. This shoulder issue also pushes other buttons for me. Like always having to give up things I love to an illness and settle for other things. I have a suspcion that the shoulder will be a life time thing. That I will have to modify how I live. I never did in the past and I'm paying the price for it now. I have always lived hard and played hard. It is hard to think , I'm going to have to slow down during my good periods and also do things like ask for help around the house. (Less lifting)
I have been exttremely irritable. I was told that by J. I just thought I had less patients being in pain. Which for me , was I just don't have patients for J's bullshit. Usually, I accept J for who J is. In pain and frustration I think differently of J. Lately, I think WOW. Why do I put up with half the crap? , I do. That is a whole post on it's own. Also, a topic at the moment I don't want to deal with. But this whole thing of being in pain does open my eyes to many aspects of my life. It is funny what you see when you are stuck on the couch and have limited activity. I have had plenty of time to think and to open my eyes towards life in these past 2-3 weeks.
I'm going to wrap this up. Hoping that I can get to the store today. I think I will take a little nap.
Like my last post previously stated.... I have been dealing with physical pain. My shoulder is pretty screwed up. I have a lot of issues going on with it. It is ironic that just one thing isn't wrong with it but many. Such is my life. Sometimes, I get a cynical laugh out of it. I really can't recall what was the catalyst that set the shoulder to really act up. I have dealt with my bummed shoulders for years. Like the therapist said "it was probaly something stupid you did like grabbing a box of something" I was very active one day and two days after woke up not able to hardly move my arm. I had pain that I haven't expieranced in years. I knew I had issues with the shoulder but it didn't bother me on a chronic bases or get in the way of my life. Whatever I did was the straw that broke the camels back. The funny thing was before this happened I scheduled an appoinment to deal with it. It was part of my resolve to start taking care of myself better. I just have had to deal with it at a faster pace.
I must be in an OK mood to even deal with it as much as I have been. My mood always picks up around this time to escalate into mania by the end of Febuaruary. It hits like clock work every year. I could feel like a switch flipping right before this happened. I was actually relieved as I could get on with life and my winter sports. This year the season for downhill skiing and cross country skiing is peaking. I was looking forward to starting back again. Well, I'm disappointed. This year I'm not going to be able to do any skiing of any sort. I generally take a vacation in the winter also . Mostly a skiing vacation or some version of something I enjoy. With the cost involved of getting my shoulder tolerable and gaining mobility , it is very expensive. I'm gratefully that even though it hurts my bank account like hell, I'm able to afford it. The other thing is I can't risk farther injury and any set back. If you don't know anything about cross country skiing you use your shoulder a lot. Lower body for downhill. Just can't risk a fall with that though.
I go through periods where I feel defeated. It isn't depression. I'm getting to a place where I'm accepting the things I can't do this winter. I'm trying to think of other things to do even though I really had my heart set on other things. It pisses me off. I'm trying to focus on getting better and just hoping like hell this shoulder won't affect my golf season this year. This shoulder issue also pushes other buttons for me. Like always having to give up things I love to an illness and settle for other things. I have a suspcion that the shoulder will be a life time thing. That I will have to modify how I live. I never did in the past and I'm paying the price for it now. I have always lived hard and played hard. It is hard to think , I'm going to have to slow down during my good periods and also do things like ask for help around the house. (Less lifting)
I have been exttremely irritable. I was told that by J. I just thought I had less patients being in pain. Which for me , was I just don't have patients for J's bullshit. Usually, I accept J for who J is. In pain and frustration I think differently of J. Lately, I think WOW. Why do I put up with half the crap? , I do. That is a whole post on it's own. Also, a topic at the moment I don't want to deal with. But this whole thing of being in pain does open my eyes to many aspects of my life. It is funny what you see when you are stuck on the couch and have limited activity. I have had plenty of time to think and to open my eyes towards life in these past 2-3 weeks.
I'm going to wrap this up. Hoping that I can get to the store today. I think I will take a little nap.
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