Wednesday, February 24, 2010

I have been busy cleaning the house and getting a lot done. My mood is all over the place at the moment. It goes from excitement to being overwhelmed. I have a lot to look forward to but I have to get much done. When I get overwhelmed , I sleep. I think it will get better when the Olympics are over as in the evenings, I bored shit less with that on. I know a ton of people enjoy it but I don't. Next week, we are going skiing again and I sprang for private lessons. I think it will be great because the last time there wasn't enough people for the lesson and it was just the two of us and it was great. I learned a lot. I have been trying to get more fit for skiing but I doubt I will be that fit to last all day. Me going to the gym is going well and so is the diet. I'm getting to the point where I don't want to eat as much as I did before the diet. I will continue with the gym to enhance my summer activities of golf and mtn. biking. I also have family visiting and I don't want them to see me at my heaviest either.
Oh, a little rant. I have had to get something notarized and found out only lawyers do them in this country. I was a little pissed as in the states you just go anywhere to get the document stamped. To add insult to injury I couldn't even get an lawyer to call me back. I found a notary service in a different town 90 miles away. That I will have to go to. This only reminds me how inept the people in this town is and makes me hate where I live just a little more if that is possible. It just makes the many reasons come up, why I hate this hole. I have to think summer will be here and I will be able to in a different city and golf and it might make it a little tolerable. Also, seeing my family will be so great. I'm lonely living here and it is great to have someone around that relates to you. Until , then I will clean a little more to get my new couch tomorrow. That was a bright spot in this town , it was easy to get a couch without the shit that generally happens buying anything from this town.

Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Changing Tide

I have many things maturing at the moment that I'm excited about. I'm getting the house organized and getting a new couch. The gym is working out real well also and my mood is picking up. I'm also going skiing again next week also and I'm sure the exercise and loosing weight will pay off in how much more endurance I have. I have next month with several trips planned also. I'm also starting to plan my summer out and it is bright with family visiting from the states. I also have some of my own trips planned for the summer. I look forward to a season of golf and mtn. biking also. I plan on training extra hard at the gym for it also so I will get an edge on these things. It is amazing how a mood can pick up when you have so much planned and it keeps me on my toes. It is also my time of year for my mood to pick up. I will have to watch it as March is a hyper month for me. I will capitalize on getting some done while everything is all fun and games and not nasty energy, scattered thoughts and impulsive everything. I have been looking for the signs and started to medicate according since I only take pills prn.

Saturday, February 20, 2010


I have been in a funk for the past week. I have started to break out of it a little. J said it was like I was moping around and needed to get out of the house. I was in the mood, I didn't care if I ever left the house. I was told get into the shower your going out today. I ended up enjoying getting out and going to the gym. I discovered at the gym, I weight more than I have ever weighed in my life. Instead , of getting depressed about it I worked harder and the diet I have been fighting got easier to adhere to. The gym was less than desirable though. It is in a basement and not really nicely lite. It has more free-style weights in there than anything and reminds me of a muscle freak gym. I found two tread mills in there and one in the woman's part of the gym that you couldn't run on. I thought WTF kind of gym , it was. The equipment looks old and worn out. I'm used to a state of the art gym with many treadmills , nautilus machines and just a portion of the gym for freestyle weights. I'm also used to many classes. I used to love my water aerobics class and yoga class. No pool, no raquet ball court , No classes. The only thing the gym has going for it is their is hardly any people. I counted two other people than me and J. Not bad if you don't want to wait for machines. The thing is I did have to wait for the treadmill. I just signed up for a month and will be looking for another gym but they really don't have any around here except that and the new Y. I wasn't impressed by the Y here either as it had children running around and smelt of a dirty diaper. It also doesn't have a pool. I don't know what kind of equipment it has or classes it offers but I will be finding out.

This just makes me miss where I used to live more when so called services offered are shotty and sub par with what bigger cities offer. I truly feel like I'm in a time warp in this town. I try not to be a malcontent but it is so hard living here. It just brings out the bitching . I really try to like it but when I'm charged double for the privilege not to have the technology of anything , I get bitchy. In the end , I will end up losing weight and probably look like a woman's weight lifter and lose weight at a absorb price. It might also make me clear out a room in the house and add a bowflex and a treadmill for the prices they are charging. The good thing though about going to the gym though is getting out of the house , which I struggle with . The best thing though by going to the gym and being a malcontent was that I had something to focus on and be pissed at which made me exercise harder. I also ended up in a good mood with all the exercise and had more of a clear head. I don't know why I refuse most of the time to do what is good for me. After, I'm done it is like wow that made me feel good. I act surprised knowing dam well the things I rebel against make me feel good .

Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Ick... It's Olympic time

I have been in a weird mood. I contribute it to PMS , diet and just regular mood patterns. Most of the time it really doesn't matter why I'm in a mood. I have been a little obsessive, irritable, indifferent , angry about everything and just immobile. It sort of sounds like a mixed mood for me since nothing is getting done except watching television and surfing the Internet.
I got into an argument on Valentines with J over the Olympics. I loath the Olympics and instead of keeping it to myself , I had to go on a rant on why I don't like it. It doesn't much make a nice Valentines day to do that or any other day. I have been so obsessed with researching all the negative aspects of the Olympics to argue and belittle it in every way. It makes for a hostile home environment. Even when I do try to escape it, it's everywhere on the television to the sponsors that say it is the Olympic toilet paper to the official sponsor of whatever stupid product it is. The Olympics brings out the worst in me from hating it to fighting juvenile nationalistic tendencies when arguing with J. She now thinks it isn't worth watching it till I'm in bed. I rather watch hours of info-mercials or really bad tv than be subjected to the Olympics.
It has brought me to the conclusion that we need two televisions since it has brought up differences in epic proportions of our preferences on television and how the Olympics has spilled over to other arguments of why am I subjected to your taste and neither one of us want to watch other things the other one watches on television . Neither one of us has been getting along since the Olympics and shows deeper divided in our relationship other than the dreaded games. The games just happened to bring up some issues.
It hasn't helped that I suffer from PMS and get a little out there during that time of month. It doesn't help either that I'm on this diet and all I want is a piece of cake or a soda. I have cheated two times other than that if I want a snack it is a piece of fruit. I will be going to the gym this week if I can force myself out of the house. I don't want to go anywhere . People just plain irritate me and I find fault with everything lately. I know it will pass probably pretty soon. I could ramble on but I won't

Monday, February 8, 2010


It has been five days since I have started my lifestyle change with diet and exercise. I have had every range of emotion from foggy , hating it, loving it ,pleased , exhausted, and energetic. It wasn't till yesterday that my body adjusted to eating modest servings and to the good nutrients. J noticed that I wasn't bloated anymore and that I have lost water weight. My body just feels better without the bloat. I couldn't believe how bloated I was before and I thought I ate half decent. I cut out most preservatives in food and rarely ate out. I thought I wasn't doing so poorly before until these last five days of eating way more vegetables and fruit.
My mood is even improving but I'm still a little indifferent to life. I have felt some periods of happiness , even if it was fleeting. I'm going to add Vitamin D to my mix of vitamins also. The multi-vitamin, I take is not the daily recommended allowance of 1,000 ICU. I was reading that Vitamin D might help with SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder) This time of year where I live you just cant get vitamin d from the sun. You can sun bathe all you want but because the UV is never at full tilt in the winter it is impossible to achieve getting vitamin d. I guess I can get it from fortified milk and grains but I don't like milk at all and rarely eat cereal. Fish is also very expensive to eat. I also worry about how polluted fish are anymore. I was trying to take cod liver oil capsules but it really made my stomach sick and made very smelly gas. I think I will just go with just a vitamin and some fortified grains.
I also didn't celebrate or watch the Superbowl like I usually do. The thing is I don't even like football so it wasn't that much of a loss. The party atmosphere that I usually make was missed though. I did have some of the food already bought for it like baby back ribs. I did end up making a rack of ribs but only eating three ribs. I also made scallop potatoes and greens. I ate a meager serving of scallop potatoes and made the greens very healthy without any pork product to season it and just some seasoning like a Mrs Dash product. It was amazing to make collard greens that weren't fating. Collard Greens are very good for you if you don't cook them in ham hocks or meat drippings. I ate more of those than anything else. I'm actually delighted with vegetables now because I can eat more of a serving than just very strict portion controls of certain things. I think my meal was about 350- 400 calories. It also helps serving your meal on a smaller plate as it helps trick your mind you are eating a lot more than you are. It really helped my mind. The thing about cutting down on portions is that you save so much money when you watch what you eat. Plus it has saved me time as I have dinner tonight also where as I would not have left overs. All I have to do is make another fresh vegetable tonight. I also notice since I eat three meals a day my blood sugar isn't always spiking or bottoming out. I'm less hungry because my blood sugar levels aren't high or low. I don't need to hurry up and eat something or put anything in my mouth to not feel starved. Eating sporadically would play hell with my moods also leaving me anxious , nervous, tired and moody. I know in theory that eating properly is good for my mental health and health but when you do eat properly and get what you need it really hits home how important it is to make healthier choices.

Sunday, February 7, 2010

Moods Come and Go

I have been mild depressed for about 2 weeks and lack motivation to do anything.I have been lucky to force myself even if I don't feel like it. I don't know how long being able to force myself to do something will last but for now at least I can have fun once I force myself.
My ski trip turned out wonderful and I'm glad it was booked or I would of not of went. I did come quickly to the decision that I needed to diet and exercise more than ever when 2 hours totally wiped me out. I would have been much more enjoyable , if I was in a little better shape. I didn't think anything would give me such enjoyment as I was feeling bland and indifferent at the time. I felt overwhelmed with a sense of accomplishment and feeling exhausted in a good way. I have never been downhill skiing until last Tuesday. I was a little fearful and tense as I had it in my mind it was harder than it was and the possibility of injuring myself. I didn't injure myself or was it hard. It was a little hard because of position of being bent . I was using so much of my lower body . (Calf's & Knees)
When I came back home I have been tired. I'm tired emotionally and physically. I decided to go on a diet and start exercising as I really enjoyed skiing and found that I want to do it again next month. I stopped all soda beverages yesterday. My head has been a little fuzzy doing that. I also stopped all unhealthy snack food also. I went grocery shopping about two days ago and only bought healthy options. Mostly, I bought fresh vegetables and picked up some more lean meat at the butchers to supplement what is already in the freezer. I'm not to wild about this but neither am I that wild about being overweight. I decided this is going to be a total lifestyle change as my weight fluctuates like my mood. I hope I can be consistent with this. I know it will take some time and I will probably not be perfect about it all the time. I have yoga DVDs and other DVDs so when I don't want to go out I can still exercise. I'm also doing squats and calf exercises at home everyday.
I just wish I could feel something besides indifferent about it. I guess it is my mood and when I feel the results mentally and physically maybe I will feel better about a better lifestyle. Before, I even decided to do this I felt indifferent except when I was skiing as it was pumping my adrenaline. I'm thinking I need more things to get the excitement level up as that is when I only feel something besides it would be nice to lounge around and numb out on television. I'm going to try to push myself more and find away around this mood. I do know the bright sun has been helping very much lately and we have it forcasted that it will last about two more days. I need to take advantage of it and put off anything else until it is over. I have so much house chores to do sometimes I feel guilty for doing what I probably need to do to take care of myself. I need to get outside and really bask in the sun to get me some much needed vitamin D. Trudge and Trudge over that hump is what I tell myself.

Tuesday, February 2, 2010

Seeing Red

I have been on vacation for three days now. I have been having a nice time but have had one issue that caused a ton of strain yesterday . The Internet at the hotel went down and no one seemed to want to do anything about it. I woke up at my usual 3-4 in the morning and no Internet. I was beside myself as that is part of my morning ritual. I thought it was my computer and tried different networks and to no avail did I receive any transmission. I tried another device my itouch. It is fail proof when it comes to a connection. Panic struck me at that point. What was I going to do while my partner slept like a normal person for a couple more hours. I thought about it awhile and listened to music on my itouch but my mind still lingered to the thought of my usual stops on the computer. I wanted to check my e-mail which generally has the usual junk mail and crap in it. I wanted to see what was making headline news and of course who won the Grammies and more fluff news . Their is also facebook and who scored what on farmville and the status updates that are so urgent. I also check my bank account everyday also like it is going to mysterious change. It really isn't important the content it is that I rely on this ritual every morning to start my day .It threw a wrench into my morning. I also learned how addicted I was to the internet. It literally gave me anxiety not to be able to surf the web.
I called down to the lobby at five in the morning . The woman plead stupidity about how wireless works and said I would have to wait till seven until someone that knew more than her could do something about it. I wasn't happy but I could then surf the web or I thought. I almost wanted to tell her I would fix it for her as it probably just needed the connection reseted. I was getting a strong signal but nothing else. I waited and nothing happened at 7, 7:30 and 8. So I thought I would walk down to the lobby with my itouch and maybe grab some stale breakfast fare they serve at all of these places. They said they gave a free newspaper also. I sat in the lobby trying to get a connection trying to be proactive seeing if it was just the wing I was staying in but I already knew it wasn't trying every connection in this place. I went up to the front desk and logged another complaint. The woman behind the desk told me her Internet connection worked. I said I didn't care mine didn't and I wanted it fixed. I said a hardwired connection isn't the same as a wireless connection. I was getting frustrated at this point as I would think that someone would know something about a wireless network that worked here if they are going to offer it. It is a rather large hotel. She also told me no one else complained about not having internet. I told her she was wrong I called at 5 and have waited patiently for this problem to resolve. She told me she would call the maintenance man. I never heard back from her and still an hour later it was down. At this point I'm wasting my day waiting for a connection and I'm getting frantic for my fix. This time I walk down to the lobby with my laptop to show them it isn't my computer and to show them nothing is working. I march down three flights of stairs pissed more than ever that my request is being ignored and basically treating me like I don't matter. I tell the woman again the internet doesn't work and she said well she get another woman. This woman she got me was just plan ass rude and said it worked . I continued to hold my composure and said well it doesn't work for me and I don't care if anyone else is complaining as I'm complaining right now for the third time and I want it took care of. She acted like I was the idiot . She then really pissed me off by telling me to call a 1800 number. I said I wasn't going to call a 1800 number as it was there problem and it better get fixed ASAP or I was checking out and finding somewhere else. I also told her I should of listened to the complaints on travel sights about the wireless complaints they have and the various other complaints about dealing with rude staff. Also , I would be making one of those complaints also via every travel sight . She finally dialed the 1-800 number and put me on the phone with who ever handles their internet. It was the typical help desk crap to see if it wasn't user error and then he had me type in address to see if it worked then. Nope no page would come up. Like I didn't already know that. Hmm, they might have a problem. I was told they would reset their connection. Amazing , they had a problem when I told them for hours they had a problem. It was fixed in 5 minutes after that . I was as red as a beet by this point and about to blow. I was also shaking with anger as I was nice but really by all these hours really have had it. Walking back to the room I told myself I didn't handle that to shabby and more like a normal person. I didn't do anything rash like check out for having hours of head-ache. I didn't tell the front desk they where morons even though I could feel it on the tip of my tongue. I was assertive and to the point and it felt nice that I handled the situation proper as I don't always. I can handle anger from loved ones better than with strangers and service people. I generally give service people two chances before I never go back or blow the hell up for them not getting it right. I really didn't feel like packing up anyways and trying to find another hotel without booking it through the computer.
I managed to have residual andreline pumping and it took me about a hour to calm down and finally get ready for the day around noon. I wasted so much time over a internet connection and I really seen that I'm truly addicted to my computer. If the future shop would of been open at 5 in the morning I would of ended up buying a netbook or an internet stick to not be subjected to a shotty internet connection. I travel but not like I used to. I really can't justify that expense at the moment.
I'm just glad it is working now and I will probably not stay here again as I don't like and can't stand rude customer service. I'm very much used to the customer is always right even when they aren't. Plus, I hate the three flights of stairs and no elevator. It is hell tugging a heavy suitcase up three flights of stairs. I think I did though burn a lot of calories doing that though and worked my knees pretty good for skiing.