Angry Ramblings

I'm on a roll lately keeping this blog updated with my ramblings. I have so many lately. I hate to admit this but I'm still angry from yesterday. Part of it is mood. Part of it is things like what happened at the dealership happen so much where I live , it upsets me. Part of it is that I view J with no backbone as this is not a random incident at this place and the list goes on. Another big part of it is that it wasted my day. I was so caught up with my anger that I forgot to do many of the things I needed to do. My number one pet peeve is not being on time or anything time related. You could almost say I'm OCD about time and if you want to make me over the top mad waste my time, don't be on time or anything that has to do about wasting my time. I find it to be very disrepectful. I'm a very punctucal person always showing up on time . I'm actually early every where I go because I fear not being on time. Anything, time related gives me anxiety. Not a little either. I have tried to overcome my rigid time rules but nothing has worked and frankly I think being on time with anything is a good thing. Better yet if you can't be on time , be honest about it and I can rearrange what ever comes up. I'm not a total time nazi and when a person is honest about why they can't be on time or what the hold up is I can accept it.

I have a lot of time on my hands any more. The thing lately is my time isn't used wisely. I have been trying to be more structured lately and my time matters a ton. I'm working as fast as I can not to have the other shoe fall off and be mental for about three months. I'm going to try to get over my anger today. I need to get over it to be productive. I will probaly have to do something like more yard work to get out some of the energy the anger has build up.

Dreary Day

It is so dark and nasty out. I woke up very early in the morning again to find patches of snow and rain. Now it has turned into sleet. The trees are stark and the ground bare patches of snow and dead earth. It is just depressing. The sky is bleak as well as frantic with weather activity. Sort of sounds like my mood. I really need to force myself out of this house as I'm getting stir crazy as I haven't been to town in a week. Nothing ever comes out good when I don't go out and try to socialize even when I don't want to. I can forget jogging today as that has been the only thing to get me out of this house. I find myself increasingly irritable when I don't go for a jog or walk. The last two days I basically only go out to let the dogs out.
Once I get into the frame of not going out it is hard to go out again and I get comfortable in my isolation. I know isolation for myself builds and gets worse . Time for me to throw myself in the shower and bundle up after wards and stop whinging about the weather. Isn't that what raincoats are for? I got to tell myself this as I don't want to go out and will make any excuse available. If anything I need to force myself out even if it is for a dreary walk to clear the cob webs and agitation in my head.