Sunday, August 2, 2015


Wow, I haven't posted since December of last year. Time flies. I have had writers block and a little gun shy to share my life.

Well, the cancer was removed. I ended up having four areas in the breast removed. I'm doing well and not afflicted by that anymore. I cant say all my health problems are gone but Im working on it.

My marriage is still topsy turvy . Lately, more good days than bad anymore. It is so weird, we both stopped smoking last week and have been getting along well. J has been going for so many test lately every week because she is declining again.  We have been talking more this past last month.

I took up piano in February. Lately, I have been struggling to make myself go. I'm in some mood where I cant be bothered but deep in my head i know I need to go , I know it is the right thing to go most of the time. I cancelled last week. I go once a week. Even had a spring concert this year. So much anxiety. I did it though and showed up and played my piece. Not bad for a person who never wants to get out period, Funny thing , Im not even sure , I like the piano very much. Most of the time , I'm truly indifferent to it. I do love music though. nce

I have grew out my hair .  Being sick , I lost 50lbs and Im still loosing. I have been trying graduated exercise tolerance for about almost a year now . I started off not lifting any weight , then I added 5lbs and went up to  10. When Im as sick as a dog , I lift that dumbbell every day and do exercises on my shoulder and it has been helping a lot with my blown shoulders and just general tone of my arms. It prevents them from seizing up and hurting as badly. Strengthening them has lead to less pain over all. I still have pain days though and that is when I smoke some weed. It works for me. Hopefully, soon I will be trying some cream that you apply topically on sore areas . I have many areas that hopefully mj cream will help with. You dont get high from topically mj cream , btw. It doesn't have the psychoactive properties.

Recently, stopped smoking. It isn't going well. I'm so emotional.  Im either bouncing off the walls or sleeping. I have been recently been going out for slushies . I cant be bothered to go out just for that but strange things happen. The straw is a bonus to chew on. I have been enjoying these outings recently. 24 mile round trip for a slushy .

My bipolar is shit! I stay mixed mostly. It is what it is and moods fortunately change. I hope it changes soon :)

Their are some other things but I dont want to discuss them. I think I would if this blog was private, I would. It is a thought to make my blog private. I'm thinking about it to be honest. This is a small attempt to get back into blogging. I hope it works.


  1. hey there -- good to see you writing! and good to hear that so much--overall, - is going well. especially relationship-wise. that can make such a huge difference in everything else. or so I have found.
    who are we afraid of being judged by? i have the same feeling of only wanting ;certain people' to see my blog. but then, if i did set it to private -- it's such a pain in the ass, that no one - who is invited, ever wants to go through the BS to comment, or even read... so it doesn't help anyhow.
    and if someone's gonna judge me, they're just gonna judge me regardless.
    i think MY biggest Block.. is that when i do write often... i see other people using MY words... or sayings, or ideas. you know -- theft of intellectual property -- or even plagiarism. for me.. i have enough problems with my identity crises-- i don't need help. not with folks stealing what identity i have left-- and acting like me. ya know?? it all seems so weird to me. they find judging me so easy -- but then they turn around, and want to talk-write- like i do. very strange. and very hard. it makes it bvery difficult to write.
    anyhow-- perhaps we should just say F-THEM.. and write. right?
    love you girl ! so happy to see that things look so much better for you--

  2. just came by to see if you had posted anything yet. no pressure :)) love ya! happy Tuesday

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