Sunday, October 27, 2013


I have been doing my usual morning routine. Sad lamp etc. I'm finally waking up and just dread the day. I try to go to sleep at night at the earliest time possible to just get the day in.I thought I was depressed but it seems I'm mixed. Meaning :depressed and manic. It is a horrible feeling.

Lately, I have been cleaning and have been on the line of a little obsessive. I was cleaning the windows in side the house and notice the dog really smudged up the outside. I went to clean it. Only problem it was raining so hard . The wind was blowing sideways. I was determined to clean that window. Put on a rain jacket and my shoes and out I went with my cleaning supplies to clean the outside of the windows. I also managed to really clean the kitchen from top to bottom. Very boring. I hate cleaning but it needs to be done,

I was in a funky mood yesterday. I try not to get into it with J but find it impossible not to argue with J lately. It always turns out bad for me because at a drop of a pen J cays and the argument is over. J is just plain lazy and doesn't lift a finger. All J does is watch tv, read and do facebook. I get sick of doing everything. I asked J to go and get something in town because I was busy. The answer was no you have to come with me. That is because J can't get off her lazy ass and walk into the store and get it. I really do everything around the house. Three meals a day, everything. I ask for one simple thing because J is never busy except with facebook or watching the same news feed over and over again. I get anger and you know what the response is. It is going to be a bad day because your being unreasonable with your mood.. My response is it isn't my mood but how you behave thinking Im your servant. J has been milking this sick thing to the max. J has had every test under the moon then some and guess what it is nothing. My theory is J is over medicated. Sick or not I still make dinner and am responsible to get things done. It makes me mad that one person can stick all the work on another person.

I need to figure out how to do something about this situation as I hate all the work heaped on me. In the past I have went on strike but that only hurts me . I still had to clean it up. It doesn't bother J at all to live in squalor either so really if I want a clean home it is all on me. I'm seriously thinking about hiring a cleaning lady twice a month.

Saturday, October 26, 2013

What goes up must come down

I`m sitting here drinking my coffee and wondering what to write. It has been awhile since, I have really wrote. I have been manic since probably April or May of this year. I crashed last week sometime. I sleep 12-14 hours a day now. It feels so good to be able to sleep again. It is a relief not to be so hyper anymore.

It is also a relief not to contain my bipolar and hide my moods. It is pretty easy at the moment to be depressed and very mellow. With the depression now , I have started my SAD lamp and started to take vitamin D.

It feels great not to feel compelled to spend money I don`t have. Our mail box was brimming with packages of clothes, movies, games and weird stuff like latch hook rugs and paint by numbers. If you know me I`m not the crafting type. I thought if I could do something with my hands it would calm me down some. The boxes are unopened waiting in my weird logic as something to do this winter.When  I`m bored now or try to stop smoking again. I even tried to stop smoking this summer . It was a disaster. I even thought I would watch one scary movie a day for October. I bought like 15 movies and subscribed to Netflix. I even upped my internet package for the bandwidth. I haven`t watched any Halloween movies really of yet. I`m to tired in the evenings and J just hates my movies. I did though manage to watch a season a season of  Orange is the new Black. I really liked that. That is when our Wii bit the dust. Ordered a new one even though I could just hook the tv up to the computer. Ended up with a new wii that I keep saying I`m going to play the games I have. I have tons of games that I never play but keep saying I`m. Just insert excuse. I ended up hooking the computer up to the tv to watch Youtube. My hdmi cable broke some how and I have to get another one.It broke because it was cheap from some knock off place that sent it to me from Hongkong. I will buy one from a real store this time.

I have been so broke from spending money like it is water and it seems everything needs fixed all at one time. Had to fix the trucks steering and septic tank this month. I`m just happy the psychosis and pressured speech, ideas, etc are at bay. Funny thing , I don`t speak very much anymore. J thinks I'm mad. I had to explain I just have nothing to say. Then J gets it Im not manic talking all the time  about the most mundane things

I`m mildly depressed but have missed so much sleep. I think I`m just catching up. I have done more catching up with the house and my affairs than I have all summer. It feels good to be in a hibernation sort of mood. I even baked bread not that long ago I feel content to hardly do anything.

Thursday, October 17, 2013

Green Eggs and Weezie

I rarely mention books on my blog. I would like to tell you about a book I read not that long ago. It is called Green Eggs and Weezie by Cathy Olliffe Webster. It is about a woman that finds out that her husband is cheating on her. She has a bad reaction and ends up in jail for domestic violence. Then it goes through the journey of her piecing back the broken pieces of her life. The book is witty and humorous while tackling  very hard topics of relationships, divorce , and  assault .  I forgot the add how she navigates through the ridiculous criminal justice system.

Cathy also has a blog that I read that is very funny and she is a very gifted writer. Her blog is called Cold Lake Cathy you can find it here :

Go over and check out her blog then go and buy her book.

Help out a fellow blogger by spending 4 dollars. It  took me an afternoon because it is well written and a page turner.