It has been a very long 8-9 days. We ended up staying in Cambridge for 8 days. J's mother fell the second day we where there. We took them out to dinner and at the restaurant she fell coming in. It was a violent fall . We took her to the Er where we spent about 9 hours waiting for the results of xrays to tell us if she broke her shoulder and hip. She still doesn't have her mobility that she did before she fell but according to the xrrays she didn't break anything. The good news is she got more home health care. She already had some but we made sure we stayed and got everyday help.
We don't still know if they will allow the ladies to do what they need to do. They have declined services we have set up before. It is frustrating to us they will not except the help they need and seem very ungrateful. They need to be in a home as one is very demented and the other is starting to get that way. We have no say if they go to a home as J doesn't have power of attorney and J's brother does. He is in denial and think they can manage. He is also chicken shit and I could say much more but I don't feel like wasting my time on such a sad creature.It pisses us off to no end because we are so powerless and we know both of them are a disaster waiting to happen.
While we where waiting on services for them-phsyo-ot-bath lady-general help. Me and J performed all the task they needed for a week. I did the cooking and cleaning. J did all the nurse stuff as she was a RN for 25 years. Needless to say we are tired. I cooked vast amounts of food and froze them up for them in containers. I had about 10 meals frozen. The last day we where their |I| had a container of chili that I had prepared and was going to put it in there freezer when I discovered all the meals I made them where missing. I had J look as I thought where the hell could all that food be. We where just about to leave and get out for good. I was confused. They threw all the food I made them away. I have no clue why either. J's parents aren't the best honest communicators. We where driving back to the motel and it felt like someone kicked me in the stomach. I cooked for days, cleaned for days did anything they wanted for days. Most of all I kept my mouth shut for days and didn't get into any argument. I just felt very hurt and used. I have dropped it. I can't determine logic when those people are so illogical. That is crazy to throw away that food. If they didn't like it they should of said so and I would of took it home with me. I spent a lot of time and money fixing that stuff and it makes no sense that you would throw away healthy whole food to be left with TV dinners since they don't cook anymore. I do know one thing I done with them. I wash my hands. I will not use my limited resources to help them. I will not use all my energy for ungrateful people when I have not much to give anyway. Where I'm left washed up drinking like a drunk in the evening to get through the hell. Did, I mention these people have over a quarter of a million dollars and we end up broke helping them because they are cheap mother fuckers. No more! I will get a vacation this year and it wont be in another ER or being a god damn maid.
They do treat me like a maid also which just ruffles my feathers. I have been married to J for 8 years and been with J a little over 10. They barely acknowledge we are married. I'm introduced to people as J's friend. I generally ignore it as I know my in-laws are bigots and I have just accepted that. Actual my mother in law isn't but she is severally demented so she knows I belong and remembers me but doesn't know the relationship. J's father on the other hand is a mean spirited man. Who is the bigot and racist.It makes my skin crawl. I was so embarrassed when we where in ER and he thinks he is whispering and says racist remarks about the different people in ER waiting. I was horrified and I did apologize when I could for such terrible behaviour. J was embarrassed also as we are not that way and it makes us very anger hearing remarks of hate and misunderstanding a group of people . I do know how it is to be hated on and be treated in a hateful manner. It is ugly and ignorant etc.
I'm at home now and I'm so thankful to be at home. It is so wonderful even if I have a ton to do and catch up on. I have felt like I have been in the twilight zone. It has been so surreal and I can gradual get back to my own life and state my opinions and have them.
Showing posts with label Alzeimer's. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Alzeimer's. Show all posts
Sunday, April 1, 2012
Wednesday, March 21, 2012
Trip to hell
I have been up for a very long time this morning . I have managed to do a bunch of nothing this morning. I have looked around the computer for hours and even chatted. I have even put on a pot roast in the crock pot. Watered plants and piddled around the house. This is in the attempt i don't have to deal with what I need to do to get ready for a trip I'm taking Friday till next Tuesday. I need to get ready to see my in-laws. Oh how I hate that trip anymore.
It isn't because I hate my in-laws. It is because they are so elderly and won't listen to reason when it comes to their care. We do this trip out of duty and also guilt. It is very boring there. We spend money we don't have to go see them. It cost us a small fortune. We have to get a motel for 4 days and also pay for gas and most of our food. We used to board the dogs but it got to expensive so we take them now. We have a friend that will watch the cat. It also cost us a lot of money because they stress us out so bad we end up in the motel bar drinking and bitching about them. Since we hardly ever go to a bar we justify it as a entertainment survival cost. We vent and get it out before we have to jump into the fire again the next day. My mother in law has Alzheimer's or what we call senile dementia. We hear the same stories all day long for the four days that we are there. She has started to be very anxiety ridden when it comes to going out. Which is totally not like her . She used to be very social. We can gradually get her out of the house and out to eat or etc when we take them places. It helps some. My father in law is of sound mind except having a mood disorder. You never know if he is going to be depressed or manic. Either way most of the time sucks. I prefer if he is more depressed than being aggressive with mania. Most of the time it reminds me in their home , it is the blind leading the blind. He also can't walk very well. We have tried to get them to go to a home. We have tried to get them help. We have set up bath ladies etc. They will only take the maid that they had way before they got cranky with us getting them help. It is really a no win situation . One of them probably will have to fall and break a hip or up in die to get some help. Our hands are tied since one of them appears to be in sound mind. Even though I doubt it at times.
We wring our hands not knowing what to do and walking on eggshells not to bring up reality. We try to just make the best of it and they like seeing us. Sometimes, it really gets to me also that they think nothing of us spending so much money . We are the poorest in the family and no one else in the family would even be strapped doing what we do. We aren't even poor but it really kills our bank account when we have so much going on. It also makes us where we can't go on a real vacation either now. We used to go on like two vacations a year and for the past couple of years we haven't been anywhere. I just shake my head and try to make myself think I look forward to this trip when I really don't. I do look forward though to getting out of the house.
It isn't because I hate my in-laws. It is because they are so elderly and won't listen to reason when it comes to their care. We do this trip out of duty and also guilt. It is very boring there. We spend money we don't have to go see them. It cost us a small fortune. We have to get a motel for 4 days and also pay for gas and most of our food. We used to board the dogs but it got to expensive so we take them now. We have a friend that will watch the cat. It also cost us a lot of money because they stress us out so bad we end up in the motel bar drinking and bitching about them. Since we hardly ever go to a bar we justify it as a entertainment survival cost. We vent and get it out before we have to jump into the fire again the next day. My mother in law has Alzheimer's or what we call senile dementia. We hear the same stories all day long for the four days that we are there. She has started to be very anxiety ridden when it comes to going out. Which is totally not like her . She used to be very social. We can gradually get her out of the house and out to eat or etc when we take them places. It helps some. My father in law is of sound mind except having a mood disorder. You never know if he is going to be depressed or manic. Either way most of the time sucks. I prefer if he is more depressed than being aggressive with mania. Most of the time it reminds me in their home , it is the blind leading the blind. He also can't walk very well. We have tried to get them to go to a home. We have tried to get them help. We have set up bath ladies etc. They will only take the maid that they had way before they got cranky with us getting them help. It is really a no win situation . One of them probably will have to fall and break a hip or up in die to get some help. Our hands are tied since one of them appears to be in sound mind. Even though I doubt it at times.
We wring our hands not knowing what to do and walking on eggshells not to bring up reality. We try to just make the best of it and they like seeing us. Sometimes, it really gets to me also that they think nothing of us spending so much money . We are the poorest in the family and no one else in the family would even be strapped doing what we do. We aren't even poor but it really kills our bank account when we have so much going on. It also makes us where we can't go on a real vacation either now. We used to go on like two vacations a year and for the past couple of years we haven't been anywhere. I just shake my head and try to make myself think I look forward to this trip when I really don't. I do look forward though to getting out of the house.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)