Tired&Tornadoes

I have been in my own little world since the tornadoes have hit in Joplin, MO. Joplin was home for me for many years(14 plus) and I still have friends and ex in-laws that live there. My parents live about 80 miles from Joplin. The storms and still affecting Southwestern Missouri commonly called the Ozarks.
I have been in shock and disbelief as Joplin is a place full of memories good and bad. My old house was wiped off the map and so was so many other people that I knows property totally destroyed. I even had a friend injured. He had a collapsed lung. He is doing better. He was trying to protect his girlfriend and son from debris.

It all happened when I turned on the weather to check it Sunday. I was wondering when I could mow. It has been unseasonable rainy in Ontario. It has been like monsoon season. Anyway, it said Joplin was hit by a tornadoes. My first thought was panic as I knew my daughter was in that area visiting her father. I called my mother and told her about the tornado and if K my daughter was at home and OK. She just got back from that area before all hell broke lose. I was satisfied but after checking one of my facebook accounts got even more worried. I called my daughter and told her about how horrible it was there from reports of my friends. She thought I was just being overly nuts and concerned. I told her she better call her grandma and aunt to see if they where OK. It took her awhile but they where OK. So was her father. The next day she didn't think I was over reacting and being crazy. The news of all the destruction to the media got out slowly but then quickly. The media focuses on key points of the hospital walmart and home depot. The thing is that is just a tip of an iceberg about all the homes and businesses in that area that hit. The area it hit was heavily concentrated with homes and businesses. The area it hit by the hospital was known as the medical mile. Housing many doctors offices etc. The hospital is also houses a lot of psych patients also. It has a major psych ward. If you look at blown out pictures of the hospital look at the top floors where it was hit and you can see vaguely where it was with the windows having heavy metal screens on some of those windows. I have been scooped up in a net and put there many of times. I knew the psych ward well in that town.

My mind is a little fried from all this and trying to help friends find the resources they need. The area doesn't have anything but texting and facebook. They just can't google something on the computer. Most have limited Internet access. They rely on facebook posting and emergency radio. I have been trying to find important info for them. Also, waiting and wondering if some are alive. I have found most of them but not my old neighbours. My days are endless sitting and listening to the horrible destruction on emergency radio feeds, police feeds and facebook. I have been trying to stop fixating on this whole thing as it is no good for my mental health. It also brought back some PTSD from losing my house to a fire years ago in Joplin. I really thought I was over it and got better. It just brings back those feelings of totally despair, shock, grief, numbness and a whole range of other things. It also makes me sick to see the media capitalize on the victims. I don't know how you would feel being interviewed after you lose everything but it is very evasive and not very sensitive at all. That is an understatement. It really isn't very consensual at all because no one really is in there right mind after such a major loss. The poor people of Joplin look so shell shocked. I can see reporting the devastation but for heaven sakes let the tragedy of human and property loss sink in before trying to stick a microphone in there faces. You know in a week or so the news outlets will move on and find the next area of destruction or tragedy doing the same thing. If anything they know how to make a buck and have huge ratings off of human tragedy. Off of my soapbox.

I'm going to try to just have a normal day today. I have a medical apportionment today. I'm going to an outpost nursing station today. Mainly, to get follow up and my blood pressure meds filled.

A flood of feelings

I don't know what to really say. My partner has been suffering from addiction and is also Bipolar. I went to an appointment with her today as she was ready to get help with her drinking problem. I'm very proud of her and think it takes a lot of courage to get help. My feelings have been all over the place. I worry a lot about her also as she has some underlying health problems. She was so scared and rightfully so as this is hopefully going to change her life. I already miss her and hope her the best as I know she can do this five day detox. Maybe, this will also give her a chance to get her meds together and me a break from all the chaos that has been around lately. It is heart breaking to watch someone drinking them self to death slowly . It is like slowly committing suicide. I have so much going in my head at the moment and it doesn't help my mood is at a all time mixed up crap state. I need to take care of myself in the meantime and do what I can for me at the moment as my hands are totally out of the mix what is going to happen to her at the moment. I cant guess what will happen and just hope she will be OK. She had to go to detox out of town and I really hope she will be OK. More to come in more days when all this sinks into my brain.