Saturday, August 25, 2012

Coming out of my Cave

I have been pretty anti-social and not very much on communicating since about sometime in June. If it wasn't for facebook or twitter I wouldn't communicate to people at all.  I have been in a mixed mood. For those that don't know what that is .... It is depression and mania at once. The weird thing about this go of it is that I have been productive. I have managed to dejunk a lot of the house.
To be exact 2,600 pounds of junk. I hate clutter but J likes clutter. J calls it collecting . I call it hoarding. It has took me years to finally get this shit out of the house. The house still needs more junk out but I can live with this. I have been making everything have a place and been organizing since it is just way easier to clean that way and to deal with. Clutter=chaos to me. I have never lived in a cluttered home until J and that has been full time this 4 years as before we travelled back and forth and lived in two countries. I just didn't deal with J's junk and about every three months I went back to my home. Before that I just lived here during the summer and J would live in the states in the winter. Well, it finally had to be dealt with after 10 years in a relationship but got evaded at every conversation about it etc.  I got a big bin and pitched it . If I would of gave it away it would still be here. I needed rid of it. Worked for months babying the crap out to the bin as I just didn't pitch it I made J deal with it and let it go. I think bathing a cat would be easier.

I have been dealing with cleaning and organization for several months now as I go to shit in the winter and need everything in order for it. I'm planning for my major seasonal depression. I haven't had much fun either this summer as I have been super broke paying off bills and debt. Which leaves no money to have fun. Next month will improve as the debt has been dealt with. We will finally have a vacation after not having one for about 3 years. I also started to jog again after my hip was bothering me. I can't afford massage therapy and don't want to hurt so exercise was forced on me. It has been a good thing. A friend also sent a link to some Yoga sight on You-tube. Ekhart Yoga. It is the best. I have been doing it for like 4 days everyday and plan on to keep doing everyday. I was so tight everywhere and right now I'm pretty sore as my muscles loosen up. I didn't realize how tight I was because I live in chronic pain with my shoulders and back. I don't know how long I will keep exercising as I go on and off it but I do feel better jogging and doing yoga. I also plan on the last little bit of summer to swim. I have no excuse why I haven't been swimming as the lake is in my backyard. I just haven't felt like it . I have went a couple of times. Believe it or not I use the excuse it has been to hot. (haha) Most of all I have been busy in my head. I also been busy with problems with J. That is another blog into it's self as J has been drinking again and now is detoxing.
I have to take care of myself and my moods which have been put on the back burner for awhile now. I want to start having fun again. I look forward to my vacation next month. I look forward to using some of the things I rediscovered de cluttering.  Being broke has been good in the part I found that I use more of the things I have around the house and became more handy in the kitchen . I eat a lot healthier not going to the grocery store as much. I'm also back to drinking water all the time and feeling better. I got off the soda last year just to get back on it again. Now I'm off it again. No junk food either as I haven't been able to afford it and have to make everything by scratch. It has been good. We also had a complete fire ban. Which means no bbqing . It has ended and I can enjoy what I enjoy so much in the summer cooking out. I do look forward to the fall though which is soon for us. I like cooler temps and have hated this very hot summer.
Hopefully, I will be updating more lately and commenting on more blogs. I have been reading peoples blogs but just haven't had much to say.