Storm

It has been awhile since I have wrote. So much and so little has happened. Most of all my mind is a wreck. The ugly head of mania is starting to creep up on me. I can feel the creepy hand of it near . It lurks in the back ground. I'm groggy writing this as I had my medication upped yesterday and spent most of the day in some state. J handed me some pills and I took them. Makes me feel short leashed inside my body if that makes any sense. Everything is slower and more exhausting. My body is weak and the pills make me not as coherent.

The stress is catching up to me. I have not had a good outlet for it. I haven't much wanted to talk period. To talk about my problems would be admitting I have some serious problems. I have had limited offers also. But I have had one good offer from Mr. Bear and I'm slowly getting there to take his offer up. I have tried without much success to act like nothing is wrong and to go on living like everyday life. The problem is I'm paralyzed by everyday life and don't want to get out of the house or do anything in the house except doing something that involves escapism.

Escapism is many things to me. Like watching loads of tv. Yesterday, I crawled into bed turned on the Cartoon Network and was so fucked up from my pills, I didn't move much.  To be honest I needed it as I was completely loosing my mind with olfactory hallucinations and fear. Tons of fear. It was just fear of the unknown.

Other days , I just get  lost in reading ,tv, other projects.  When I know damn well I need to organize and declutter this horrible house. I'm trying to make it handicap friendly and user friendly. All the mess is J's over 50 years of shit .One way or the other It has became my responsibility to deal with everything around here

It makes me angry that everything is heaped on me. I resent it period. At the same time it makes me feel guilty for being angry that |I have to do everything. It makes me angry when I suggest outside help it gets ignored as J says we are fine. J says we are fine to everyone. I'm losing my marbles. I don't like waiting on J 24/7. It might not be so bad if J made any of any sort of decision on her own behalf. J just bitches about everything.

I have to figure something out for me to survive this shitstorm. It isn't like anyone likes to hear negative news in my family either. I don't have a support system at all. I'm very lucky though my daughter is flying up here to help me for almost 2 weeks. I need some order and structure and believe it or not a 19 year old is helping me sort this shit pit of a house out. Should be interesting .

If I don't listen to the signs of Mania I will be full-blown. I have not listened to my triggers of stress at all. I'm listening now and trying to sort out the mess of life. I'm even at the moment when it is not very convenient to up my medication and get some sleep and basic nutrition . When I'm manic I don't eat much. I don't put any of my needs to be of much importance either.

Casino

I'm here sitting waking up. The coffee helps somewhat to form my thoughts. I'm jumbled with all kinds of information and I'm having a hard time making it into coherent thought. Basically, my brain is tired. My mind has been very busy lately. I'm a goal oriented person believe it or not. Give me a project and boom , I get it done. Somethings in life are just not projects and it throws me a little, till I rework it , in my mind to be like a break down of a list. A simple to do list .

At this moment , I play a lot by ear. Plans can be interrupted at anytime. Plans can be hard. It is just not as easy as getting packed to go somewhere and going. J is disabled now and it takes a lot of work. When I plan something it has to be totally handicap accessible.

My point, we went to see Chelsea Handler show at a casino. It took planning. I had to spend extra money to put insurance on the tickets. I ordered them back in February. I had to book a refundable hotel room . I had to make sure it had a room also that we could access. I had no idea when I booked everything if J would be died or alive. Or mostly, if J would be well enough.

We had a awesome time seeing Chelsea Handler. It was a riot. We laughed so much. We for a moment where best friends again. No arguing or bickering.  I even forgot the tickets in the room . Nothing would cause irritation and it was as next to perfect. We took a real limo over to the show from the hotel. They provided an out dated limo . It is hilarious. We felt like we where old pimps getting out of the huge white retro limo. Except, I had to go back in the huge retro limo to get the tickets. I left J in her wheel chair outside the casino.

We made it to the show. The worry where to put the wheel chair ended when a nice attended came over and said we could check it with her . It was awesome. I ask myself what sort of person steals wheel chairs and other mobility devices. Real low lifes. I guess mobility devices are huge money. We paid 300 just for a transport chair. That is cheap compared with what other mobility devices cost . It is a racket, medical equipment.

The show lasted about 2 hours. She had an opener first. He was so funny also. After, the show it was so crowded. It is sort of hard to push a chair in a crowd. You really have to concentrate not to hit people and their heals. People aren't even aware that your there. They dart in and out and sometimes you have to come to an abrupt stop giving J whip lash because some oblivious  asshat jumps out in front of the chair.  I'm getting better at navigating. Thank god , I was in a good mood or the asshat might of got  rammed and ran over.

Even the ride back was better because I really tipped the driver to be more accommodating. The first time going over there he was having a hard time with the chair and had the trunk swinging open to fit the chair and begrudgingly put the chair in the trunk. Suggested we get one from the casino. I had to explain to him she actually needed it to even get back to the room etc. It is deceiving because she can walk some and get into a car herself. That is about it though. He was kind after that. I tipped him real well dropping J off and taking me back and forth. So when he saw us again he was about tripping over himself to do a real good job. Even set up her chair to present her when she got out of the limo. It is funny what money will do to motivate people.

I have a very hard time with crowds and casinos. Casinos trigger a mini mania for me. Everything shines, twinkles and is so loud. The decor even over stimulates me. Just about everything overstimulates me in a casino. I had to smoke up before I went over there. Just to handle all the things that are bad for me and gives me that horrible anxiety ridden feeling. In the past , to deal with the casino, I would hit the bar at the casino. Next thing you know I have that zombie slot face. Then J would yell at me to stop gambling and drinking. She would also yell at me because I would have to see every section of machines, trying to figure out the best return for my buck. They don't have the best return for your buck in a casino.

I managed to stay out of the bar and no where near a slot machine. I didn't even eat at the casino. Opting for a bag of Arbys in the hotel room. We just laughed and talked till we went to bed. For that evening, I was in love again. It really felt like a date. I had all the feelings I had when we first got together. It truly was a good day.

Reality, set in the next day. J was so exhausted and has been in bed off and on since we have came back. It takes a lot out of J to do anything.

We have another trip planned for our 10th Anniversary for the first week of June. That will be more sedate at a lighthouse over looking Lake Huron. Lots of taking in the water, bush and boats. It should be restful.

I hope this post was somewhat coherent. I'm a better blogger in the afternoon. haha

I can't come up with a witty title

I can't believe it has been a week since I have wrote. I don't even know where to start with an update. I have been very busy in my own way. I was suppose to go bottle wine today but felt crappy (psychially). I have had some bouts of angina the past two days. Nothing serious though just need to slow down and stop over doing it and my never ending quest to handle my stress and anger. Sometimes, I wonder if I'm not a type a personality. Some times I can be pretty Type A. I'm not ambitious or competive anymore. The things I can be at times are very impatient ,time-conscious, and preoccupied. My preceptions depending on mood can colour my outlook and are part of my bipolar. I can be high strung then be so easy going also. No matter what mood I'm time-conscious when it comes to appoinments and anything I have to show up for. I'm not so picky about my personal time with things like goals or work I do for myself. My time for my personal things has turned up side down since my heart attack. I feel so disorganized with my life and know it will even out in time. My life recently has been so chaotic with appoinments, errands, personal problems.

I have been going through an on going ordeal with my old dog. The vet suspects liver disease. He went in again yesterday for a bile test for his liver. Last week he went in after I collect a urine specimen in the morning and then took him for blood work. He has been to the vet twice after fasting for 12-14 hours for blood work. We haven't been billed yet but I suspect it is going to be high. After, this last blood test I decided to do no more testing and he can live till he gets to the point he has no quality of life. I'm willing to change his diet if need be and put him on medication. I will know later this week when his bile concentration test come back from the lab. I just can't take another dogs death this summer.

My Grandma is in her last stages of dying. She is 94 so it isn't a big shock and has been declining rapidly for some time. I still love the woman though and it isn't nice to waste away dying and the whole nasty process she is going through. I really feel for my mother and my Grandma is dying at her house. My mother has been her caretaker for many years. I finally ask for some pictures of her as she is right now. Part of me didn't want to see as she was a robust woman 3 years ago when I last saw her. I needed to see as it helps me help my mother through the grief process to see exactly what she is going through. Death is so santized when it is out of sight out of mind for a family. It also is one thing to study death and dying and write papers on it ( I used to) and live the process. One side of my family is almost died. I have lost 6 relatives in a relative short time. I think what hurt me the most was when our two dogs died very close to each other last year. It was literally the straw that broke the camels back with all the death that has been going on in my life. It finally allowed me to grief the other deaths in my life. Which has been for the past year. I'm much better about the grief and have went through the proper stages after even been stuck. I know for me at times I still grieve even though it isn't as fresh. Time has helped over the last several years meaning it isn't as raw. I'm not a big person on showing other people my feelings and I hate crying. Many people don't see that side of me and won't. It really is only for me and sometimes J. That is just how I'm and it isn't going to change. I have been very strong for my mother during many of these deaths and my grandma dying but as soon as I have been either out of sight or off the phone , I fall apart. It isn't a time for me getting overly stressed or emotional as it doesn't help with my angina.

I have been gradually getting back to some of my spirituality. It has been slow but it is a way I have handled stress and emotional times. I tend to lean towards buddhism philosophy even though I have been terrible with the off and on again practice. I have been meditating again and even using my mala. For those who don't know what a mala is basically it is prayer beads or meditation beads. I think off hand my mala has 108 beads. It helps me concentrate or sometimes pray in my own way. Not like western religion though. One thing my mala does for me is gives me a sense of safety and peace. It really helps me with my anxiety. It has such a nice vibe when I hold it and very comforting. I have also recently been using visual imagery in my head to help me relax and be. It is nice to escape in postive mental imagery and a person can do it regardless if they have any faith in anything or not. I basically respect anyones religion if they are not beligerent and radical about it. I tend not to be very judgemental when people are not violating my rights. I don't like many things in life but that is what true tolerance is about. What I can't stand is other people violating other peoples rights. No matter whether I would do it or not. Enough rambling.

Oh, dental update if you read this far. I'm so glad I left that other denist. I start my dental saga tomorrow with the one I went to a couple of years ago. It is going to cost so much less plus I trust him. All, the work is going to cost 1,800 and that includeds the partial, extractions, and to restore my bottoms. My bottom teeth are pretty perfect except a broken tooth and a cavity in another. I will still have a few teeth in my upper mouth to be able to hold the upper plate. I'm happy with the price and trust his judgement with what he is taking out and leaving. I don't feel like a endless money pit either. My visit with him last week cost me 25 dollars for a dental plan. I couldn't of been happier.

I will wrap up this saga.

Doing Better

I'm very tired today. It seems lately my sleep is just a little off. It has to do mostly with weird dreams that make no senses what so ever. I have been doing very well though physically and mentally. Physically, I'm back to doing light housework and doing some light walking at a very slow pace. Mostly, just walking around the yard and a little bit of getting out and going to the store. Mostly, to the store to just go out. Just really picking up bits and pieces. So, I can leave at anytime that I start getting tired or have chest pain. It has been a real adjustment. I'm used to doing everything fast and walk very fast. I have had to slow down so much since this heart-attack. It has been very frustrating. I do try to keep mentally and physically active in some way because I don't want to fall into a severe depression. As, it is real easy when I'm not active and the whole thing of how I used to be so strong.
It is kind of ironic that I had a heart -attack being as strong as I was. At the same time it wasn't. Mix bad blood pressure and extreme physical exercertion, extreme stress and I realize now not coping with anger is a super bad ingertents for a mild heart attack. Before, I had a heart-attack I was literal acting like a bulldozer removing trees and doing very strentous yard work after being dormant with my shoulder for a couple of months. My judgement was very off as I was very stressed, angry and getting manic. I actually can see how people die of exhaustion now.
It has been a real lesson to me to slow down physically and emotionally. Anger now raises my blood pressure the most. I'm starting to have to talk it out more and not get so angry and stuff it. It also has taught me to pace myself. Pacing myself has been hell. When I want something done , I just want it done (period) I generally wont stop when I want something done or just want to achieve . I get yelled at now if I forget to go at a slower pace. My body also tells me to slow the hell down. Nothing like some chest pain to slow you down. Example, the other day I ran for the phone as the cat knocked it down and I couldn't find it. I totally forgot that I don't jog or run even if it is an important call. It can wait. I felt chest pain. It is so weird I have patients for somethings in life but not for other things. Or my patients can wear thin over a period of time for somethings.Generally, situtations that haven't changed in years or I see very very slow progress with. I'm being evasive but will get to it sometime when I'm ready.
I have been so much more postive in the last ten days. I'm just extremely happy to be alive. It was such a scar. I'm so happy that my heart and blood pressure meds are actually working. I also have less anxiety. I think I confused anxiety for high blood pressure and warning signs for a heart attack and stroke. I used to have severe anxiety attacks at one time and the impending sense of doom and dying is a bit different but similar. The arm hurt different and so did the chest. But as a person that has been in the mental health system for alongtime you start doubting yourself. You label it depression, anxiety, etc. Lesson take physical pain serious and don't think it is in your head as most of the industry will make you believe. I'm very thank-ful J made me go to the hospital. I was lucky J used to work in CCU for years and nag me to go. I generally never listened to J and kept going back when my meds and blood pressure wasn't leveling with meds. They are working great now. I still have some life-style adjustments to do but in time they will get done. Looking forward to life like I haven't in alongtime.

Crazy Lady

It is an overcast Sunday morning gradually warming up to what is going to be pleasurable temps today. About, 10-15C or between 50-6o degrees. I'm looking forward to the wonderful weather. Yesterday, was wonderful also weather wise. It didn't start out as such a nice day though. I guess I woke up wrong. I started out OK. I did my usual things I do in the morning and then almost about snapped and went all Psycho/Crazy lady. I didn't want to really go there. In my mind my anger and crazy was justifided. I still had a part of the rational me left. I told J to get me a haldol. I generally don't take meds except when I truly need them and think I'm going to be a train wreck. I really thought I was going to derail and cause a firey crash. My mind was so irrational with thoughts that bordered homicidal. Not that I would ever go that far but it is so uncomfortable to have such rage and anger that isn't in proportion with reality.

I took the two pills. They weren't acting fast enough. I had about 45minutes plus to kill until the meds would start to work. I thought I really had to do something to distract myself and something physical. I had laundry to load to take to town and to clear out the truck. I went outside and started to distract myself. I worked hard unloading things, and gatherering things . While , I was outside, I could hear the birds sing, the woodpecker peck and the ellusive squirell run around. I thought to myself it is hard to be a raging homicidal wreck when it is so nice outside and cheery with the wildlife. When this happened I knew i was being more logical because when I'm in that mood I wouldn't give a flip about some birds singing even though I love nature. The change in pace helped a lot also. Being distracted and inaged in other things helped so much not to fixate in the irrational. During this corse of time , I was very careful about opening my mouth to J. J doesn't deserve for me to go all crazy lady . I did need to voice my anger later on as it was still very real and legit. I waited till I was logical and focused to share my anger. Also, J knows when I say I'm in an irrational place , J doesn't mess with me or talk to me until I'm ready. The animals also seem to get that point also as they stay away from me. When I'm in that state of mind I'm very quiet and must radiate a lot of hostility. My head goes a million miles an hour etc. I think I must have a real intense look and look off my rocker. I had the knack of a look years ago.When I was teaching . One look and some misbehaved kid would think a little harder and start behaving. I know the dogs and cat behaved wonderfully all day yesterday. They have been a handful lately probaly because I have had such a crappy attitude and haven't wanted to bother with anything.

It ended up being a postive day. I did the things I finally have needed to do mentally. I realized how lazy I have been for awhile taking care of myself and allowing my mood to get worse over the months. I was wondering what the hell was wrong with my mood not turning better this time of year as it always turns more postive. Well for me to have more of a postive mood, I always worked at it or it is the ugly mixed crap or negative mania. It was like boom yesterday. I had enough of the way my life has been going and this crap is going to change. It won't change over night but I'm aware of the changes I need to make. Some of it is such basic things that I tend to neglect. Taking Vitamins, eating right and exericsing. The list is actually long but those little things go along ways to a start. I need to start sharing my feelings so I don't have so much anxiety and anger going on also. I got to the point I have just had it in every way and one of those areas was in my relationship with J. I don't know if J will change. But I have to change how I react to J and the lack of what J does and doesn't do.

I'm starting down a road where I'm going to start dealing a little more with how I handle things. I haven't been implusive in a longtime but instead realized I internalized a lot causing me to be more of a mixed wreck. I tired of keeping it all organized in my brain. It turned into a huge mess emotionally for myself where I was feeling dead and numb. Here is a start to a new day. Putting the knowledge I have to work.

To many choices

I'm sitting in a hotel room today. I'm trying to figure out what to do today. I'm not really wanting to do anything except watch t.v , eat, drink and sleep. I'm tired today and really have no energy what so ever. I was an hurting a lot after loading and packing everything yesterday. A five hour drive yesterday just left me totally wiped out. I really can blame myself for being so tired yesterday because I left everything basically to the last minute again. I did do somethings to prepare for this but left a lot of the harder things to the last minute. Also, the puppy was a mess yesterday. It got into something so I had to bathe it in the morning before boarding it. Nothing like a playful huge puppy pulling on you in the bathtub in the morning. I was pretty dead after scrubbing the puppy. I thought to myself why am I even doing this when she is going to probably stink like a kennel when I pick her up.

We ended up in Cambridge in the evening since I left the big parts to the last minute. J helped a tiny bit this time. More than J has done in a couple of years. I was shocked. Usually, it all up to me to get us both packed and everything planned. I was so overwhelmed yesterday I wanted to say I'm staying home. I had to push myself and talk to myself. I told myself , just a little bit more and your done. I even lied to myself and said I probably will enjoy all my time. The truth is I will enjoy probably today and that is all. I have in-laws for two days. I love them but they are so elderly they need a lot of help. Which means we will be super busy. Also, means we are going to have to put up with J's senile demented mother also. I smile and try to be nice but it gets old and is very sad to be around. I here the same thing repeated all damn day long and it makes me want to tear my hair out. It drives J crazy also because well it is her mother. It is a sad thing to witness even though it very stressful. We have other appointments for the next two days also. We have to take our truck in to get repaired at the dealership since the dealership in our town are lazy incompetent assbags. The other is for eye glasses.

I'm trying to get the energy to do something fun today. I like shopping but I'm not much into catching a taxi all over the place. J is at a meeting today. I have the day by myself. Part of me is so afraid to spend. J is in a good mood and gave me her Visa card. I should be thrilled. If I can ever get my butt moving or had any motivation today I would be happy. I'm in moving in very slow speed today. Ironically, I pretty much cleaned the room today. I really don't like the maid to do anything except make the bed and take out the trash. I hate people in my things. I also set out my clothes today. I decided to really get fixed up. I really like getting all spiffy. Maybe, when I clean up I will feel like going out. I also dread I have to get the t.v. here fixed before I go and also might have to move rooms. I called down stairs and it won't be until this afternoon it will get looked at. We don't get all the good channels. J about flipped last night as she wanted to watch TCM. I call it the old movie channel. I just know it better be fixed when J comes back this afternoon. I could care less really as I don't care about the tv as much. I would like to watch the food network though. I don't get that at home. I get a lot of ideas from cooking shows. When I'm in a good space I love to cook.

I keep on thinking what to do today. I feel so indecisive about all the choices I have. I have so many choices today it gives me anxiety. I know if I push myself and breath in and out I will get my head together. Plus, probably if I walk to some of the places I want to I will release the anxiety from the exercise. Nothing like a brisk walk on a cold day. I will blog later as I have so much in my head and this is getting long.

An Odd Feeling

Lately, I have had this odd feeling creep up. I haven't had it in awhile. It is called happiness. It has been an elusive feeling these past couple of years. It is so natural and great. I'm actually grateful for my life at the moment and I have never much liked my life. I can honestly say life is good and my complaints are normal everyday complaints. Which most normal people have instead of something devastating happening .
It is nice to live life and not have many complaints. I think I could get used to being happy. I like enjoying normal life. I do have to give myself a push to do things but I think it is normal. Once I do what I have to do I have such a overwhelming pleasure about getting something done or doing an activity. I need some stimulation in this weird mood. I get it from exercising lately even though I have to force myself to do it. I find playing the Wii helps with exercising and putting me in a good mood. I have more energy when I exercise. I have been making goals which aren't really like me and planning out life. Now I just hope my mood holds up for life to happen. I could get real used to this happiness feeling.

A flood of feelings

I don't know what to really say. My partner has been suffering from addiction and is also Bipolar. I went to an appointment with her today as she was ready to get help with her drinking problem. I'm very proud of her and think it takes a lot of courage to get help. My feelings have been all over the place. I worry a lot about her also as she has some underlying health problems. She was so scared and rightfully so as this is hopefully going to change her life. I already miss her and hope her the best as I know she can do this five day detox. Maybe, this will also give her a chance to get her meds together and me a break from all the chaos that has been around lately. It is heart breaking to watch someone drinking them self to death slowly . It is like slowly committing suicide. I have so much going in my head at the moment and it doesn't help my mood is at a all time mixed up crap state. I need to take care of myself in the meantime and do what I can for me at the moment as my hands are totally out of the mix what is going to happen to her at the moment. I cant guess what will happen and just hope she will be OK. She had to go to detox out of town and I really hope she will be OK. More to come in more days when all this sinks into my brain.

Mood

My mood is a mixed mood. Which is a mix of depression and mania. I thought I was just suffering from SAD.(Seasonal Affective Disorder) The weather surely isn't helping matters either. When it is bright and sunny I'm up during the day and down in the evening. When it is grey and dark ,I'm bored and up . The evening down and dull like the sky. It has done nothing but rain and rain. It gets real old. Old like my mood. It will change but when I do not know. I was starting to get some sleep like a normal person before my sinus infection. I thought sickness would trigger more of my irregular sleep patterns. I'm now going to bed in the early evening and getting up at about 2-3 in the morning. What does one do so early in the morning, while others sleep? I try to be quiet and it is hard. I read a lot in the morning. I surf the Internet in the wee hours. I would like to do something else but not many things are quiet and wont wake someone up.
Routine is a thing of the past. Structure is a thing of the past in this mood also. I do what I feel like during the day. Sometimes that is a lot and sometimes it is nothing at all. I'm aware that I'm not the master of my moods lately and I need to get it under control. I need to put back some routine and structure into my life as it helps not only my moods but my sanity. I was fortunate to indulge in my photography this week-end and get lost. It was my mood that I was able to even see something to photograph. When I'm up I can see the silver lining in any subject and it speaks to me. It gives me motivation. When I'm down I just see a patch of grass that is dingy from the welting weather of fall. I just see a rodent in the sky , not a wonderful seagull that has alot of expression. It is funny how a bipolar person see's the world. It is either full of possibilities and is bright. Or it is painfully dull and void. It can at times be frightening also. Very much muddled and fragmented.
I just want to get back into a semi-routine. It is hard to get back to that point but I'm sure I will. I have been beating the all or nothing attitude. Which I have most of the time. Life isn't black or white . For me it has a lot of grey to it tinted all sorts of colours at times. It is time for me to just do it and get the things done in my life that I grapple with. It is hard and sometimes impossible for me to do. I trudge and trudge in the trench of this illness at times . The thing is I don't give up and I keep trudging until I get out of the trench of what ever is going on.

My funny brain

I have been thinking , what will I blog about. Most of the time, I don't find my life very interesting. Although it can be pretty crazy in a mental way and not a chaotic way at the moment. Generally, my mood of mixed (depressed & manic) doesn't appear and shows it's ugly head until the end of October and November . Now living in Canada and the weather being different, it seemed to trigger the seasonal delight faster. The weather has changed dramatically and I wouldn't see this weather until sometime in November where I used to live. Recently my brain has started to spin circles for half of the day . I just wish I could burn some calories from all the spinning my brain has been doing lately. Then the second half of the day it seems to be pretty asleep and dead. My brain tires it's self out and happily I take the much needed break. Yesterday by noon I questioned myself do I need to take some as needed meds to settle the beast of my brain down. I seemed to gity and making stupid jokes. As harmless as that sounds that can quickly escalate into something more obnoxious and ugly. I also was more than my irritable self at the same time. I could hardly sit down and was getting antsy and hyper. I thought to myself , I think I'm going to take some meds . I also asked my partner if my perceptions where correct about myself. Well they where and she told me nicely maybe you should take that little yellow pill. I generally don't take meds and only do when they are needed. I have pretty much been controlling my moods pretty well without being a victim of psych meds. Being a victim of psych meds is a whole separate blog into it's self . I'm just more stable if that can be possible without them and seem to live better. I do take one med as needed and do that only occasionally. It works for me and that is all that matters.
Back to my ramble. I needed my brain to slow down yesterday and was happy with the results of being able to relax and watch movies for most of the day. I debated whether to do something useful as enjoy the sunny day outside and convinced myself watching movies was more of a thing for me to do. Why you ask ? Well because it is pretty low key and doesn't trigger my mood to escalate any farther. That is when chick flicks are very welcomed in my living room. As much as I would like to deny that I watch chick flicks and fluffy movies I do watch them. Everyone needs light at times. I really enjoyed and laughed at this movie called He's Just Not Into You. It is crazy and humorous about the subject of social cues men give and how women interpret them . It seems in the movie most women don't accurately read the cues right. I found it very comical and thought I'm not alone trying in my journey to interrupt what is normal and what does that person really mean by this. I don't know what normal is and guess at it a lot. It just made me think watching the movie so called normal people question what is normal also. It also made me think how differently men and women communicate. Even though it can be stereo typical how women and men communicate. I have seen women communicate like the stereo typical male and men communicate in the stereo typical female fashion. I see so much grey area on how people communicate and it isn't always influenced by gender and more on a variable of factors. As the times change it seems the genders do also to a certain extent. Any way I found the movie to be entertaining as it addressed some issues in a comical way. It also made me think thank-god I don't date as it seems very complex and crazier than my own life. Relationships can be complicated enough without the added drama of guessing if the person is into you are not. I'm thank-ful that I'm in a relationship that I don't have to guess all the time and what the motivation behind things are. It is pretty straight forward. The things that make you think can be so mundane such as a movie as I really didn't think I would be provoked to think at all watching this. It got me through the day and I was thank-ful to relax and just Be for a change. It is nice to manage to be in the moment with what I do and not thinking about other things as I'm trying to do one thing at task.
Now back to drinking coffee this morning and enjoying the wee hours of the morning.