Sunday, March 27, 2011

To many choices

I'm sitting in a hotel room today. I'm trying to figure out what to do today. I'm not really wanting to do anything except watch t.v , eat, drink and sleep. I'm tired today and really have no energy what so ever. I was an hurting a lot after loading and packing everything yesterday. A five hour drive yesterday just left me totally wiped out. I really can blame myself for being so tired yesterday because I left everything basically to the last minute again. I did do somethings to prepare for this but left a lot of the harder things to the last minute. Also, the puppy was a mess yesterday. It got into something so I had to bathe it in the morning before boarding it. Nothing like a playful huge puppy pulling on you in the bathtub in the morning. I was pretty dead after scrubbing the puppy. I thought to myself why am I even doing this when she is going to probably stink like a kennel when I pick her up.

We ended up in Cambridge in the evening since I left the big parts to the last minute. J helped a tiny bit this time. More than J has done in a couple of years. I was shocked. Usually, it all up to me to get us both packed and everything planned. I was so overwhelmed yesterday I wanted to say I'm staying home. I had to push myself and talk to myself. I told myself , just a little bit more and your done. I even lied to myself and said I probably will enjoy all my time. The truth is I will enjoy probably today and that is all. I have in-laws for two days. I love them but they are so elderly they need a lot of help. Which means we will be super busy. Also, means we are going to have to put up with J's senile demented mother also. I smile and try to be nice but it gets old and is very sad to be around. I here the same thing repeated all damn day long and it makes me want to tear my hair out. It drives J crazy also because well it is her mother. It is a sad thing to witness even though it very stressful. We have other appointments for the next two days also. We have to take our truck in to get repaired at the dealership since the dealership in our town are lazy incompetent assbags. The other is for eye glasses.

I'm trying to get the energy to do something fun today. I like shopping but I'm not much into catching a taxi all over the place. J is at a meeting today. I have the day by myself. Part of me is so afraid to spend. J is in a good mood and gave me her Visa card. I should be thrilled. If I can ever get my butt moving or had any motivation today I would be happy. I'm in moving in very slow speed today. Ironically, I pretty much cleaned the room today. I really don't like the maid to do anything except make the bed and take out the trash. I hate people in my things. I also set out my clothes today. I decided to really get fixed up. I really like getting all spiffy. Maybe, when I clean up I will feel like going out. I also dread I have to get the t.v. here fixed before I go and also might have to move rooms. I called down stairs and it won't be until this afternoon it will get looked at. We don't get all the good channels. J about flipped last night as she wanted to watch TCM. I call it the old movie channel. I just know it better be fixed when J comes back this afternoon. I could care less really as I don't care about the tv as much. I would like to watch the food network though. I don't get that at home. I get a lot of ideas from cooking shows. When I'm in a good space I love to cook.

I keep on thinking what to do today. I feel so indecisive about all the choices I have. I have so many choices today it gives me anxiety. I know if I push myself and breath in and out I will get my head together. Plus, probably if I walk to some of the places I want to I will release the anxiety from the exercise. Nothing like a brisk walk on a cold day. I will blog later as I have so much in my head and this is getting long.

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