I made it through Christmas. Actually it was Ok. I have had a head cold for several days and it is wearing on me. I had some snacks planned for the hoildays but could barely hold up my head or not ache all over so I didn't have the gorgeous spread I planned. Better news is I'm gradually getting better or I have found the right over the counter medication to mask my symptoms.. It hasn't helped my mixed mood one bit but it helps to know the reason I have been so lazy is I have been sick lately.
I started to get into the spirit on the last minute doing so food shopping last week. I was surpised to find myself smiling at people and opening doors. Something as random as giving someone my 25 cent pay cart to someone and saying Merry Christmas made my dull mood a little better. I also called my parents and daughter yesterday to wish them a Merry Christmas. It was nice to hear their voices. I had a nice chat with everyone of them and it made me happy that they where having a nice hoilday. I miss them but had a nice time by myself. I had a nice relaxing day talking on the phone, lounging, watching t.v. and a nice turkey microwave dinner. I
also recieved some nice presents over the season. A Wii fit, sleep pants, printer with scanner, copier and fax. British comedy series and a 100 dollar Itune card. When I feel better I will try to set everything up and download my music.
I washed Daisy (Dog) yesterday . That was about the only task I got done. I strained my back pretty good. Which makes me realize I need to streghten my back muscles more as I have had trouble for many years with it but seems to go away when I do more exercise. I did relieve some pain with some cream that has some sort of aspirin in it and doing what I do best nothing. It is so sunny today and I need to get my butt out and walk the dog. I really am walking myself though as I think I need it more than the dog. One new goal is to try to get out of the house everyday and walk even a block to just get out since I'm back to hating to get out. I know logically I will feel better and it is the push I need.
I know most of my mood will change like clock work in the middle of January. It will be like a switch. I already feel a tad better with the days getting a little longer now. I couldn't of been happier when I realized yesterday it wasn't so dark at 5pm. It has been sunny also lately which is real weird for this area at this time of year. Usually, we get tons of snow at this time. I won't question it and enjoy the sun even though you can't feel the sun here in the North. Usually when the sun is out it is very cold also. It is -12 this morning but gorgeous. The sun makes the snow glitter. It makes me want to get my snow shoes and ski's out this coming week. I haven't been in the mood at all to do anything but it is coming on.
Showing posts with label Xmas. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Xmas. Show all posts
Sunday, December 26, 2010
Thursday, November 18, 2010
Marching On
I have started my morning routine. I started by letting the dogs out and feeding one and waiting to feed the puppy later since she is on a schedule. I have been enjoying my coffee and my cancer sticks. Planted my butt in the computer chair with my SAD lamp. I also have been enjoying my solitude in the morning. I love having my own time alone and it is great. I can do what ever I like. I'm listening to music and enjoying the 80's on XM.
It is a new day and I already feel better about J for a fleeting moment. I remind my self that I have to accept somethings about J. We all have our moments and the things I can't accept like the lack of her doing anything. If it is important to me , it falls on my lap. The more that I have been thinking is that, I need more space. I will get it when ski season approaches. I will go to the local cross country ski club by myself for a breather. I was thinking last night I need to blow off some steam as I'm getting to my boiling point. I need to exercise more and do less picking up. I will take a walk today and get some things done to escape. Anger is real good as a motivator to get things done. Then I will escape in the book I'm reading. I found a real good series. It is the Sookie Stackhouse series that they made True Blood into.
On a better note I started my x-mas shopping. I ordered my daughter a laptop, carrying bag, mouse and Microsoft Office. Now eleven gifts to go for the other people on my list. At least I have it in my head what everyone is going to get and it is budgeted out. I really don't like Christmas btw. I could be happy if it never happened . I feel the Holiday season is over rated and is very stressful with unrealistic expectations. I'm just happy I can celebrate it at home without anyone except J. It is less stressful that way. I don't even know if I will decorate this year. Call me the Grinch.
It is a new day and I already feel better about J for a fleeting moment. I remind my self that I have to accept somethings about J. We all have our moments and the things I can't accept like the lack of her doing anything. If it is important to me , it falls on my lap. The more that I have been thinking is that, I need more space. I will get it when ski season approaches. I will go to the local cross country ski club by myself for a breather. I was thinking last night I need to blow off some steam as I'm getting to my boiling point. I need to exercise more and do less picking up. I will take a walk today and get some things done to escape. Anger is real good as a motivator to get things done. Then I will escape in the book I'm reading. I found a real good series. It is the Sookie Stackhouse series that they made True Blood into.
On a better note I started my x-mas shopping. I ordered my daughter a laptop, carrying bag, mouse and Microsoft Office. Now eleven gifts to go for the other people on my list. At least I have it in my head what everyone is going to get and it is budgeted out. I really don't like Christmas btw. I could be happy if it never happened . I feel the Holiday season is over rated and is very stressful with unrealistic expectations. I'm just happy I can celebrate it at home without anyone except J. It is less stressful that way. I don't even know if I will decorate this year. Call me the Grinch.
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
Hoilday Season
The snow has been very abundant. In the past two weeks we have had between 75-100 cms dumped in a very short time. The weather has been sporadic and wild. I have tried to stay in and not go to town on the bad driving days . I have been very busy on the nicer days to get groceries and do the minimal Christmas thing. Finally, shipped off some final presents and wrapped up Christmas shopping. Except I have to figure out what to get my partner.
I'm not in the Christmas spirit. I could really care less about it but feel guilty for not buying into the whole holiday season spirit. I really hate Christmas music also. I can't wait till they stop playing it on the radio. I rarely listen to the radio anyway so it doesn't effect me much. I listen in the mornings for the weather report and to get a sense of what is going on in town. The town I live near is so small that you really don't get a sense of what is going on except for the local newspaper, which isn't much of a newspaper . It is better than nothing though. The radio station falls into that category also. It just plain sucks. I listen for the weather and what is going on in town. Other than that I listen to satellite radio and my ipod. I can't pick up except one station on the regular radio. The reception is so bad .
I'm excited about all the snow. This is my second time I have spent a winter here. I love the cold and the snow. I'm really a cold weather person and enjoy it more when it settles down and after the solstice when the days get a little longer. I think there is about 7-8 hours of sunlight at the moment. When it is blizzard after blizzard their isn''t much sunlight though. I really enjoy the colder days when it doesn't snow as much. It gets very bright.
I have been basically surving my depression since last month but it is getting more functional. I was so paralyzed up until the last week and a half. The sublingual b-12 has been helping. I also been taking a b-complex which also seems to be helping. I thought once it started to accumulate snow I would feel better and I was right. Everything looks so dead until it snows. It is so grey and depressing during the transition of winter. The snow makes everything so vibrant. I also have been eating more balanced meals, which I think is very important. I can really feel it when I eat like crap. I still don't feel like cooking very much but it is getting a little easier. I eat dinner at lunch because it is easier to make and I have more energy during that period of day. I eat lunch at dinner time because I have no energy in the evenings. It works for me. I have blew through my depression food reserves of things I froze when I don't feel like cooking. When I feel a little better I will get busy stocking up again. I have also started using heavy paper plates which I don't like. I have an objection with using disposable things. It is a waste and not good for the landfills. I'm just trying to survive at the moment and dirty dishes just don't get done if I have a ton of them. I will go back to my more conservative ways after I'm done with this mood. I do cringe at the short cuts I'm taking with easy things to cut corners with cooking and general everyday life. It isn't cost effective but it does the trick when your barely making it. I have let everything pile up again and I'm slowly digging out of the mess. The house is a mess , everything has tended to be put off and I'm trudging my way through it gradually. Generally, I can make myself do things depressed. I haven't been able this time up until lately. I have managed to seat in the same place for weeks in the corner of the couch watching endless non-sense on the tv. I knew I felt a little better the other day grabbing a newspaper from the stand. I actually read it and thought oh finally something worth filling my head with instead of crap. My moods make my taste different. Generally, I wouldn't be caught died watching all the reality tv, I have been watching. It doesn't require thinking and for that when I'm in a paralyzing depression it is good. I have began to think again a little. Now to get up the energy to do the things I love in the winter. Gradually, I will get there.
I have alot planned for this week also. I have alot of catching up to do . Truck serviced, hair cut, finalize my Xmas shopping with my last presents. Also , get the stuff to make a small Xmas dinner. I'm thinking more snack food instead of the all the traditional fare. I have been snacking on different candy though and need to stop as I don't want to gain weight. I also picked up the dogs some gravy coated bones for the Holiday season. It seems they sell a bunch of junk for humans and pets this time of year. Unlike my furry friends which I can control how much I give t hem, I can't control most of the time the amount of junk I eat. I will purge the house of all junk after the first of the year. I can't get into the Christmas spirit but I can get into the spirit of junk food like candy, cookies and appetizers.
I have to get to starting the day. Hopefully , I will start updating this blog more often.
I'm not in the Christmas spirit. I could really care less about it but feel guilty for not buying into the whole holiday season spirit. I really hate Christmas music also. I can't wait till they stop playing it on the radio. I rarely listen to the radio anyway so it doesn't effect me much. I listen in the mornings for the weather report and to get a sense of what is going on in town. The town I live near is so small that you really don't get a sense of what is going on except for the local newspaper, which isn't much of a newspaper . It is better than nothing though. The radio station falls into that category also. It just plain sucks. I listen for the weather and what is going on in town. Other than that I listen to satellite radio and my ipod. I can't pick up except one station on the regular radio. The reception is so bad .
I'm excited about all the snow. This is my second time I have spent a winter here. I love the cold and the snow. I'm really a cold weather person and enjoy it more when it settles down and after the solstice when the days get a little longer. I think there is about 7-8 hours of sunlight at the moment. When it is blizzard after blizzard their isn''t much sunlight though. I really enjoy the colder days when it doesn't snow as much. It gets very bright.
I have been basically surving my depression since last month but it is getting more functional. I was so paralyzed up until the last week and a half. The sublingual b-12 has been helping. I also been taking a b-complex which also seems to be helping. I thought once it started to accumulate snow I would feel better and I was right. Everything looks so dead until it snows. It is so grey and depressing during the transition of winter. The snow makes everything so vibrant. I also have been eating more balanced meals, which I think is very important. I can really feel it when I eat like crap. I still don't feel like cooking very much but it is getting a little easier. I eat dinner at lunch because it is easier to make and I have more energy during that period of day. I eat lunch at dinner time because I have no energy in the evenings. It works for me. I have blew through my depression food reserves of things I froze when I don't feel like cooking. When I feel a little better I will get busy stocking up again. I have also started using heavy paper plates which I don't like. I have an objection with using disposable things. It is a waste and not good for the landfills. I'm just trying to survive at the moment and dirty dishes just don't get done if I have a ton of them. I will go back to my more conservative ways after I'm done with this mood. I do cringe at the short cuts I'm taking with easy things to cut corners with cooking and general everyday life. It isn't cost effective but it does the trick when your barely making it. I have let everything pile up again and I'm slowly digging out of the mess. The house is a mess , everything has tended to be put off and I'm trudging my way through it gradually. Generally, I can make myself do things depressed. I haven't been able this time up until lately. I have managed to seat in the same place for weeks in the corner of the couch watching endless non-sense on the tv. I knew I felt a little better the other day grabbing a newspaper from the stand. I actually read it and thought oh finally something worth filling my head with instead of crap. My moods make my taste different. Generally, I wouldn't be caught died watching all the reality tv, I have been watching. It doesn't require thinking and for that when I'm in a paralyzing depression it is good. I have began to think again a little. Now to get up the energy to do the things I love in the winter. Gradually, I will get there.
I have alot planned for this week also. I have alot of catching up to do . Truck serviced, hair cut, finalize my Xmas shopping with my last presents. Also , get the stuff to make a small Xmas dinner. I'm thinking more snack food instead of the all the traditional fare. I have been snacking on different candy though and need to stop as I don't want to gain weight. I also picked up the dogs some gravy coated bones for the Holiday season. It seems they sell a bunch of junk for humans and pets this time of year. Unlike my furry friends which I can control how much I give t hem, I can't control most of the time the amount of junk I eat. I will purge the house of all junk after the first of the year. I can't get into the Christmas spirit but I can get into the spirit of junk food like candy, cookies and appetizers.
I have to get to starting the day. Hopefully , I will start updating this blog more often.
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