Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Hoilday Season

The snow has been very abundant. In the past two weeks we have had between 75-100 cms dumped in a very short time. The weather has been sporadic and wild. I have tried to stay in and not go to town on the bad driving days . I have been very busy on the nicer days to get groceries and do the minimal Christmas thing. Finally, shipped off some final presents and wrapped up Christmas shopping. Except I have to figure out what to get my partner.
I'm not in the Christmas spirit. I could really care less about it but feel guilty for not buying into the whole holiday season spirit. I really hate Christmas music also. I can't wait till they stop playing it on the radio. I rarely listen to the radio anyway so it doesn't effect me much. I listen in the mornings for the weather report and to get a sense of what is going on in town. The town I live near is so small that you really don't get a sense of what is going on except for the local newspaper, which isn't much of a newspaper . It is better than nothing though. The radio station falls into that category also. It just plain sucks. I listen for the weather and what is going on in town. Other than that I listen to satellite radio and my ipod. I can't pick up except one station on the regular radio. The reception is so bad .
I'm excited about all the snow. This is my second time I have spent a winter here. I love the cold and the snow. I'm really a cold weather person and enjoy it more when it settles down and after the solstice when the days get a little longer. I think there is about 7-8 hours of sunlight at the moment. When it is blizzard after blizzard their isn''t much sunlight though. I really enjoy the colder days when it doesn't snow as much. It gets very bright.
I have been basically surving my depression since last month but it is getting more functional. I was so paralyzed up until the last week and a half. The sublingual b-12 has been helping. I also been taking a b-complex which also seems to be helping. I thought once it started to accumulate snow I would feel better and I was right. Everything looks so dead until it snows. It is so grey and depressing during the transition of winter. The snow makes everything so vibrant. I also have been eating more balanced meals, which I think is very important. I can really feel it when I eat like crap. I still don't feel like cooking very much but it is getting a little easier. I eat dinner at lunch because it is easier to make and I have more energy during that period of day. I eat lunch at dinner time because I have no energy in the evenings. It works for me. I have blew through my depression food reserves of things I froze when I don't feel like cooking. When I feel a little better I will get busy stocking up again. I have also started using heavy paper plates which I don't like. I have an objection with using disposable things. It is a waste and not good for the landfills. I'm just trying to survive at the moment and dirty dishes just don't get done if I have a ton of them. I will go back to my more conservative ways after I'm done with this mood. I do cringe at the short cuts I'm taking with easy things to cut corners with cooking and general everyday life. It isn't cost effective but it does the trick when your barely making it. I have let everything pile up again and I'm slowly digging out of the mess. The house is a mess , everything has tended to be put off and I'm trudging my way through it gradually. Generally, I can make myself do things depressed. I haven't been able this time up until lately. I have managed to seat in the same place for weeks in the corner of the couch watching endless non-sense on the tv. I knew I felt a little better the other day grabbing a newspaper from the stand. I actually read it and thought oh finally something worth filling my head with instead of crap. My moods make my taste different. Generally, I wouldn't be caught died watching all the reality tv, I have been watching. It doesn't require thinking and for that when I'm in a paralyzing depression it is good. I have began to think again a little. Now to get up the energy to do the things I love in the winter. Gradually, I will get there.

I have alot planned for this week also. I have alot of catching up to do . Truck serviced, hair cut, finalize my Xmas shopping with my last presents. Also , get the stuff to make a small Xmas dinner. I'm thinking more snack food instead of the all the traditional fare. I have been snacking on different candy though and need to stop as I don't want to gain weight. I also picked up the dogs some gravy coated bones for the Holiday season. It seems they sell a bunch of junk for humans and pets this time of year. Unlike my furry friends which I can control how much I give t hem, I can't control most of the time the amount of junk I eat. I will purge the house of all junk after the first of the year. I can't get into the Christmas spirit but I can get into the spirit of junk food like candy, cookies and appetizers.
I have to get to starting the day. Hopefully , I will start updating this blog more often.

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