Another Day In Paradise

It has been a busy week already. I think part of the reason I haven't felt motivation is physically my body hasn't wanted to go there. Not long after I wrote my last entry the other day , I had to go to the hospital again. I had irregular heartbeats for several days prior to that and it was only getting worse. I was waiting that day to call the Nurse Practioner. I was told to go to ER.

I went to ER. They treated me like I was having another heart-attack. It didn't feel that way to me but I was pretty weak all over. The doctor in the ER was treating me like I was having an panic attack. I know the difference with panic atttack and something wrong with my heart. Blood was drawn and ativan under the tongue was gave with the usual baby asprin just in case. I was hooked up to various machines. I had to wait till the lab work came back. I was suffering from very low potassium levels due to being depleted by one of the blood pressure medications I was taking. It was very very low. Potassium allows your muscles to work and if you don't have it it will make your muscles not function . The heart is a major muscle. I had to stay in the ER until they gave most of it back by IV. That took several bags and hours to push through my body. After, I was done they sent me home with more of this potassium pill called slow k. Disconituned one of my blood pressure pills. So , basically until I see a doctor next week I'm without a blood pressure pill. I still have another that is more for the heart. I switched to another blood pressure pill last week. The metropyhl(sp?) was blocking my heart so much that I couldn't do anything physically or have any stamina. I was in pretty good shape with stamina before taking it and made it impossible to do anything physical. I was told it was a beta blocker and it could possibly do that. So, last week they put me on a diarectic (water pill) Well that depleted my potassium. So, I don't know what is next with a blood pressure pill. I'm still on Cardizm. I was refreed to a person in this area that does hearts even though he isn't a cardioligist but a interetist. We have very little specializist in this area being rural . It is fine with me though. His office called yesterday wanting to hook me up to a 24 hour holter EKG machine and doing other testing such as stress test etc. I will know more today as I 'wasn't around the house to get the call. I will call and make that appoinment today when his office opens.

I have tried to stay busy as I have a million things to do. We took the puppy to the vet for her heart worm test. It is a little late in the season but finally got around to it. She is on heart worm now. Finally, after so long got around to taking the older elderly dogs urine up to the vet to test for cushings disease. We will know something by Friday.

After doing that we wanted something fast to eat but nothing to fast food so went to Pizza Hut. We generally don't eat out and didn't know if Pizza Hut would be terrible or not. To our surpise it was pretty good. We sat out on the patio and it was wonderful even though it did rain some while we where out there. What a smoker will do for a smoke. (haha) After, that we ran our usual errands and ended up at the vegetable tent. We have been so starved for anything vegetable or fruit. We bought a bunch of vegetables and bought some fresh salad by the pound. They have lovely salad already made. It is so nice to have a fresh salad already made up with a ton of veggies in it when your tired and don't feel like cutting that all up. I also got some fresh cut up fruit salad. It was loaded with fresh melons, berries of all types and kiwi. I also found a sicilian eggplant. Never have used one but it looks interesting. I think I will just grill it the same way I use eggplant. A little olive oil, salt and pepper. If anyone has a better way or a recipe for it please share.

I'm going to get a massage today. My shoulders and back have been hurting again. It hurts to sit and stand up. I'm not comfortable in any postion. it hurts to move around and be active. I walk like a little old lady. I push myself anyway but it is getting unbearable. The massage helps a lot but I get relunctant to do it because of the cost. I rather spend the money than to be in horrible chronic pain that renders me useless. This will just put the pain to an acceptable level where I can still move. The only other thing that really helps is percocet which I really don't want to get addicted to. I use this product also called Biofreeze. It does help a lot from stabbing pain to dull pain and makes me more flexible. I feel like an little old lady discussing all my aches and pains , health problems.

I think I will wrap this up and listen to the gentle rain and have my morning coffee.

Doing Better

I'm very tired today. It seems lately my sleep is just a little off. It has to do mostly with weird dreams that make no senses what so ever. I have been doing very well though physically and mentally. Physically, I'm back to doing light housework and doing some light walking at a very slow pace. Mostly, just walking around the yard and a little bit of getting out and going to the store. Mostly, to the store to just go out. Just really picking up bits and pieces. So, I can leave at anytime that I start getting tired or have chest pain. It has been a real adjustment. I'm used to doing everything fast and walk very fast. I have had to slow down so much since this heart-attack. It has been very frustrating. I do try to keep mentally and physically active in some way because I don't want to fall into a severe depression. As, it is real easy when I'm not active and the whole thing of how I used to be so strong.
It is kind of ironic that I had a heart -attack being as strong as I was. At the same time it wasn't. Mix bad blood pressure and extreme physical exercertion, extreme stress and I realize now not coping with anger is a super bad ingertents for a mild heart attack. Before, I had a heart-attack I was literal acting like a bulldozer removing trees and doing very strentous yard work after being dormant with my shoulder for a couple of months. My judgement was very off as I was very stressed, angry and getting manic. I actually can see how people die of exhaustion now.
It has been a real lesson to me to slow down physically and emotionally. Anger now raises my blood pressure the most. I'm starting to have to talk it out more and not get so angry and stuff it. It also has taught me to pace myself. Pacing myself has been hell. When I want something done , I just want it done (period) I generally wont stop when I want something done or just want to achieve . I get yelled at now if I forget to go at a slower pace. My body also tells me to slow the hell down. Nothing like some chest pain to slow you down. Example, the other day I ran for the phone as the cat knocked it down and I couldn't find it. I totally forgot that I don't jog or run even if it is an important call. It can wait. I felt chest pain. It is so weird I have patients for somethings in life but not for other things. Or my patients can wear thin over a period of time for somethings.Generally, situtations that haven't changed in years or I see very very slow progress with. I'm being evasive but will get to it sometime when I'm ready.
I have been so much more postive in the last ten days. I'm just extremely happy to be alive. It was such a scar. I'm so happy that my heart and blood pressure meds are actually working. I also have less anxiety. I think I confused anxiety for high blood pressure and warning signs for a heart attack and stroke. I used to have severe anxiety attacks at one time and the impending sense of doom and dying is a bit different but similar. The arm hurt different and so did the chest. But as a person that has been in the mental health system for alongtime you start doubting yourself. You label it depression, anxiety, etc. Lesson take physical pain serious and don't think it is in your head as most of the industry will make you believe. I'm very thank-ful J made me go to the hospital. I was lucky J used to work in CCU for years and nag me to go. I generally never listened to J and kept going back when my meds and blood pressure wasn't leveling with meds. They are working great now. I still have some life-style adjustments to do but in time they will get done. Looking forward to life like I haven't in alongtime.

High Blood Pressure

I have had a interesting week. My blood pressure has been off the charts. Some of those lovely jems have beeen 158/120 with a pulse over 120. 165/140 etc. My blood pressure has made me feel terrible. I stayed most of the day at the hospital one day with all sorts of tests, cat-scan to see if I had a stroke and other blood test.

Felt like crap the next day as my blood pressure wasn't lowering at all. I was an emotional mess as I was having angine and some other sysmptoms. Anxiety was taking over and it was bad.

The next day went back to ER with chest pains and high bloood pressure. I was put on two more pills which makes it three. This time the doctor gave me all the paperwork and x-rays and scans for my follow up appoinment I have in May. I found my paperwork interesting as on one page it did indiciate I possible had a heart-attack. I looked at my CBCs also and had levels that where abnormal also. I was dumbfounded that everything was handled in such a sloopy manner. Now I just have to be patient these blood pressure pills will work and slow my very fast heart.

I have to move slower and get some rest as I'm starting down the road of depression as I'm suppose to avoid stress and tension . I laughed at that. I'm not one to just sit my ass on the couch etc. I'm trying to maintain my sanity. When things settle down I will have to make life style changes. Little by little. I just need things to go back to a better normal and I was doing that until this happened.