Monday, November 5, 2012


My mood has been about the same depressed. I stopped the light for about a week because it was making me have more anxiety and I seemed my agitated. I will start it back up but probably with a lower amount of time .Nothing worse for me than to be antsy , unfocused, and depressed

I have just been comfortable doing not much of anything. I really have to push myself to get anything done. I fall back with my escapism of the tv and the computer. It is almost a comfortable numb feeling. I also notice I have a very big appetite. It is awful where usually I can control my hunger. I don't even know if this is hunger or eating out of boredom or it taste good. I tend to have a big appetite depressed especially for carbs. I end up like the good year blimp in the winter. Then take it off all year long and put it back on again. I really need to stop this cycle. It has been going on since I have been living in Canada.

I haven't realized how stressed I have been. My eye twitches all the time anymore. It is so annoying. Mostly the stress has been money issues again. Every month , I'm shocked we have made it through the month. It feels like juggling torches and hoping one doesn't set me on fire. It will get better when we can cash in one of our investments when it matures this winter. That solves it a little but I have been trying to change our spending habits. I have cut and cut and cancelled things that we don't really need. I also been cutting food expenses. I have been cutting this for ages. Finding this blog helps really reduce the money I spend on meat.  A very healthy eating blog. I haven't been excited about a food blog in awhile. This is a great frugal healthy blog. Generally if you get a frugal food blog it isn't healthy.

I have been poor at times in my life and always hated it but it really taught me to stretch a penny when you thought it wouldn't stretch anymore and would scream. My problem with that is I hate living like that and to be honest I like to do what I want to do when I want to do it. I want to spend when I want something. The bad thing is I can always justify it. It has to stop and every month I don't put my foot down on the spending we both do. This year sometime , I took over the fiances because it was to stressful for J. Assuming, I was better at creative budgeting.  It just makes my eye twitch. Some months are better than others depending on what new thing breaks down or situation comes up. It boils down really to the point whether or not I can say NO. See most broke or poor people realize when you have no money you don't come up with money to pay for it you just do without. J never has been broke. So it is hard for me to say NO. So, I borrow more money from a relative. Or J borrows from her parents. They get paid back when we get paid. J's parents get paid back when the investment reaches maturity. We have money but it is tied up. I could of died last month borrowing from my mother. She didn't like it either. I paid it back in two weeks. I haven't borrowed money from anyone in years.

All, this money stuff has me stressed to the max and also does my relationship but that is another story. It will work it's self out as it always does.