I have been going through a rough spot . It isn't anything new but I'm sick of it and sick of talking about it. Hence , the lack of blog updates. Listen to a bad country song and that has been my life the last couple of years. Actually, probably most of my life has been some tragic song.
I have been starting to come out of my grey area even though there has been so much going on in my life. The sun has finally popped out. The temps have been way above seasonal. I never have wore a pair of shorts in March in Canada. Yesterday it was like around 70 degrees- 18-20 C. It is suppose to go up to 26C this week around 75 degrees. Last weekend we had snow. This week it is almost all gone. It melted so fast my yard is a mud hole. I grilled the other day and i just splashed in mud and had mud all over the place. The lake is still icy but suspect it will go out soon. The bay hardly has any ice except the shore. I'm pretty sure by the end of next week everything should be thawed .
We where coming home from grocery shopping yesterday and I seen a sign of spring. The beavers and geese in a creek doing what they do. It was so majestic to me. I forgot about having to take all the bags in the house. Nothing like geese to tell you winter is over. It still amazes me what a mild winter we have had. The bears should be out anytime also. I don't look forward to that though. Especially, since the dogs tore up trash all over the yard and I'm still picking it up. They made such a mess. My back doesn't bend like it should and my shoulders still hurt and flair up every time I over do myself. I have been doing a lot of stretching everyday to have my hurt just hurt moderately. I really think when my grayness goes out the window to what ever mood is in store for me which generally is mania this time of year . I have a lot of DVDs on Yoga. I need movement.
I haven't moved off the couch most of the winter. I see spring and think oh I'm going to be active again. I have gained weigh and it is time to take it off. It is time to shed everything and slowly getting back to me.
Showing posts with label changing seasons. Show all posts
Showing posts with label changing seasons. Show all posts
Sunday, March 18, 2012
Monday, March 7, 2011
Hiding Under A Rock
I feel like I have been living under a rock for the past 2 1/2 weeks. I haven't had much of anything to really say. I have had things to say but I have been very quite. I haven't spoke much to anyone. I think if my foggy brain serves me right , I hardly said one word in a week to even J. Or even when I would barely go out say a word to anyone else and have a blank stare on my face. I read blogs but really didn't have much to say either. Didn't really update my facebook either. It has took me the last 4-5 days to get in a more social mood with anyone or anything. I really have just looked like a stump for two weeks. I haven't had anything to say good or bad.
The weather has been up and down for the past two weeks. Sun and dark grey. This time of the year it is generally sunny and edging towards spring. I get excited about spring. Not this year. Winter hangs on with it's cold hand. Blowing it's cold breath and spreading it's greyness and tantrums of unpredictable bouts of snow, ice and rain.
I wish I could recall of the past two weeks but it was so boring and it is foggy. it seems like it all runs into each other. Basically, it has been just daily life. Life without much emotion or passion. It has been getting about getting by.
I did have a nicer day yesterday. It was very sunny and very cold. I sat outside in the sun. I played with the dogs in the snow also. I broke out my green egg and grilled a steak. Nothing like the taste of hickory. I also took pictures. I haven't snapped a picture in over 4 months. I didn't snap anything special but at least I took some. Everything has looked so bland that it hasn't caught my eye at all in the past couple of months. I usually carry my little camera everywhere. I'm hoping that I will break out my Nikon pretty soon even though it is bulky. Who knows it is my b-day next month and I will get a better little camera. I think J will kill me for asking as my Nikon cost a fortune and I have hardly used it much in the past 2-3 years as I do the little camera. Mostly, because it is bulky and costly where I don't want to damage it.
I just wish my mood would make up it's mind about what mood it wants to be in. I have got many false starts into my usual mood for this time of year. My mood cycle is pretty predictable and this winter has been harder than usual for me mood wise.
It seems either the depression or the mixed just won't snap so easy. I really think it has to do with the SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder) with the mood not wanting to move to hypo-mania-mania. It really doesn't matter as each mood has it's baggage for me. I'm just bored and long over due to get out of this one. I wouldn't mind being more productive though. I feel it coming on and hope it will just stick. Actually, I feel more normal than usual and that is a good sign. Even though it is on the lazy side.
Hoping to catch up on more things today and being more communicative.
The weather has been up and down for the past two weeks. Sun and dark grey. This time of the year it is generally sunny and edging towards spring. I get excited about spring. Not this year. Winter hangs on with it's cold hand. Blowing it's cold breath and spreading it's greyness and tantrums of unpredictable bouts of snow, ice and rain.
I wish I could recall of the past two weeks but it was so boring and it is foggy. it seems like it all runs into each other. Basically, it has been just daily life. Life without much emotion or passion. It has been getting about getting by.
I did have a nicer day yesterday. It was very sunny and very cold. I sat outside in the sun. I played with the dogs in the snow also. I broke out my green egg and grilled a steak. Nothing like the taste of hickory. I also took pictures. I haven't snapped a picture in over 4 months. I didn't snap anything special but at least I took some. Everything has looked so bland that it hasn't caught my eye at all in the past couple of months. I usually carry my little camera everywhere. I'm hoping that I will break out my Nikon pretty soon even though it is bulky. Who knows it is my b-day next month and I will get a better little camera. I think J will kill me for asking as my Nikon cost a fortune and I have hardly used it much in the past 2-3 years as I do the little camera. Mostly, because it is bulky and costly where I don't want to damage it.
I just wish my mood would make up it's mind about what mood it wants to be in. I have got many false starts into my usual mood for this time of year. My mood cycle is pretty predictable and this winter has been harder than usual for me mood wise.
It seems either the depression or the mixed just won't snap so easy. I really think it has to do with the SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder) with the mood not wanting to move to hypo-mania-mania. It really doesn't matter as each mood has it's baggage for me. I'm just bored and long over due to get out of this one. I wouldn't mind being more productive though. I feel it coming on and hope it will just stick. Actually, I feel more normal than usual and that is a good sign. Even though it is on the lazy side.
Hoping to catch up on more things today and being more communicative.
Friday, February 18, 2011
This could be two post
It was such a grey windy morning when I woke up. I was less than thrilled about this winter thaw we are having. A couple of hours later it was so bright and sunny. I changed my mind about the hot day. The temp is (40F)or (5C) I'm getting real good at converting back and forth from Fahrenheit and Celsius. I should say more of a ball park as I have basically memorized what is what. I still don't think in metrics. My head clicks back and forth with metric and Celsius. It reminds me that I'm taking to my new country and home. I have also pretty much have shed my southern accent and slang also. I was never raised in the south but my parents where southern and for awhile lived in hillbilly hell in the states. It has took me a good 2-3 years to shed my accent and also develop an ear for other ethnic accents. I was totally lost when someone from certain countries from Europe, Asia or India spoke to me. Not any longer as it sounds very normal to me now. I watch the show swamp people and you would have to run sub-titles on that show now for me to understand them half the time.
I went to my massage though yesterday and realized though when I'm totally relaxed my new non accent and old accent comes and goes . It is weird. Sometimes, I still have to think how to articulate something in clear English or I should say without an accent. I have picked up more of an English vocabulary since living in Ontario full time. When my mother and daughter came and visited this summer, we all looked at each other at times and wondered what the other one was saying. I never realized they had an accent. They had a hard time with my non-accent and different words for different things and some cultural differences. Example, if you order tea in Ontario, you will get a cup of hot tea. In the states , you will get Iced Tea. The Ice tea is different also here. You will get a can of Ice tea. In the south or mid-west you will get some blend of probably Orange Pekoe that is cooled and made into ice tea with tons of sugar. Here that would be like drinking cold hot tea and why would anyone want to do it. Like drinking cold coffee. There is so many little subtle differences between Canada and the States. I could write a whole blog on it. Many differences even in the different provinces just like in the states from North, North West , South West, West, Mid West, and South.
This is going on my third straight year here without going back and forth to the states. I think it has helped me adjust better not going back and forth every 3 months or 6 months living here and there. It really has been a positive on the pocket book not maintaining two houses and for my ability to really find myself. I hated living here full time at first. I hated the rural area etc. I hated being away from my family. I hated to have to start over again. But to be honest , I just hated change. I have always hated change. It is very stressful to me. It is a trigger that makes my moods upside down. I should say what ever mood I'm worse. I have been more open to some change in my life .
Spring coming up is always open to change to me. Just like the season changes so does my mood. Even though we still have a couple more weeks of who knows what here. I can see the gradual change to spring. I see the gradual change in myself. The depression is lifting. The yearning to exercise is coming back. So is the yearning to be healthy and active again. It is like I'm going to get my leafs back or bloom. Even in my depressed or mixed mood down deep I wanted to get back to living a healthier lifestyle and fixing some of my nagging physical pain. I never really thought of myself having chronic pain as it wasn't as horrible as some people with chronic pain. I would just have bad day after I did something like real heavy activity or lifting. Then it increased to a couple of bad days after that kind of activity. Then after all my pain is easier to deal with if I'm in a higher mood or not depressed. Depressed , I don't deal with anything much less pain.
I have been coming along real good physically. My shoulder which was totally immobile went from horrible bitter sharp pain to nagging dull pain to more stiff. I still have a little ways to go but I really feel so much better. I'm also working slowly on other nagging areas such as back. It really has me intouch with how much I need to shed some pounds and get active again. I used to work out to make certain areas strong such as my abs for my back. I also did rowing to strenghten my shoulders. When I gained a ton of weight last year and stopped being active I started to hurt gradually more and more. I was also real skeptic about massage. I got to tell you , I'm sold now. I had a ton of scar tissue formed around difference various muscles in my shoulder and rotator cuff. It has been slowly but sort of fast 2 times a week for a month and I don't feel the pain like I did years ago injuring myself. They are able to break down the scar tissue without surgery. The best thing is doing it new scar tissue doesn't grow back. My body is a mess of years of accidents. Accidents caused by poor judgement and high impact activities. I don't want to be a old lady before my time. I have stopped that stuff for the most part. i just think things out a little better now. I hope I can stay with my new stife to get better.
I went to my massage though yesterday and realized though when I'm totally relaxed my new non accent and old accent comes and goes . It is weird. Sometimes, I still have to think how to articulate something in clear English or I should say without an accent. I have picked up more of an English vocabulary since living in Ontario full time. When my mother and daughter came and visited this summer, we all looked at each other at times and wondered what the other one was saying. I never realized they had an accent. They had a hard time with my non-accent and different words for different things and some cultural differences. Example, if you order tea in Ontario, you will get a cup of hot tea. In the states , you will get Iced Tea. The Ice tea is different also here. You will get a can of Ice tea. In the south or mid-west you will get some blend of probably Orange Pekoe that is cooled and made into ice tea with tons of sugar. Here that would be like drinking cold hot tea and why would anyone want to do it. Like drinking cold coffee. There is so many little subtle differences between Canada and the States. I could write a whole blog on it. Many differences even in the different provinces just like in the states from North, North West , South West, West, Mid West, and South.
This is going on my third straight year here without going back and forth to the states. I think it has helped me adjust better not going back and forth every 3 months or 6 months living here and there. It really has been a positive on the pocket book not maintaining two houses and for my ability to really find myself. I hated living here full time at first. I hated the rural area etc. I hated being away from my family. I hated to have to start over again. But to be honest , I just hated change. I have always hated change. It is very stressful to me. It is a trigger that makes my moods upside down. I should say what ever mood I'm worse. I have been more open to some change in my life .
Spring coming up is always open to change to me. Just like the season changes so does my mood. Even though we still have a couple more weeks of who knows what here. I can see the gradual change to spring. I see the gradual change in myself. The depression is lifting. The yearning to exercise is coming back. So is the yearning to be healthy and active again. It is like I'm going to get my leafs back or bloom. Even in my depressed or mixed mood down deep I wanted to get back to living a healthier lifestyle and fixing some of my nagging physical pain. I never really thought of myself having chronic pain as it wasn't as horrible as some people with chronic pain. I would just have bad day after I did something like real heavy activity or lifting. Then it increased to a couple of bad days after that kind of activity. Then after all my pain is easier to deal with if I'm in a higher mood or not depressed. Depressed , I don't deal with anything much less pain.
I have been coming along real good physically. My shoulder which was totally immobile went from horrible bitter sharp pain to nagging dull pain to more stiff. I still have a little ways to go but I really feel so much better. I'm also working slowly on other nagging areas such as back. It really has me intouch with how much I need to shed some pounds and get active again. I used to work out to make certain areas strong such as my abs for my back. I also did rowing to strenghten my shoulders. When I gained a ton of weight last year and stopped being active I started to hurt gradually more and more. I was also real skeptic about massage. I got to tell you , I'm sold now. I had a ton of scar tissue formed around difference various muscles in my shoulder and rotator cuff. It has been slowly but sort of fast 2 times a week for a month and I don't feel the pain like I did years ago injuring myself. They are able to break down the scar tissue without surgery. The best thing is doing it new scar tissue doesn't grow back. My body is a mess of years of accidents. Accidents caused by poor judgement and high impact activities. I don't want to be a old lady before my time. I have stopped that stuff for the most part. i just think things out a little better now. I hope I can stay with my new stife to get better.
Sunday, December 26, 2010
HoHoHum The Holidays
I made it through Christmas. Actually it was Ok. I have had a head cold for several days and it is wearing on me. I had some snacks planned for the hoildays but could barely hold up my head or not ache all over so I didn't have the gorgeous spread I planned. Better news is I'm gradually getting better or I have found the right over the counter medication to mask my symptoms.. It hasn't helped my mixed mood one bit but it helps to know the reason I have been so lazy is I have been sick lately.
I started to get into the spirit on the last minute doing so food shopping last week. I was surpised to find myself smiling at people and opening doors. Something as random as giving someone my 25 cent pay cart to someone and saying Merry Christmas made my dull mood a little better. I also called my parents and daughter yesterday to wish them a Merry Christmas. It was nice to hear their voices. I had a nice chat with everyone of them and it made me happy that they where having a nice hoilday. I miss them but had a nice time by myself. I had a nice relaxing day talking on the phone, lounging, watching t.v. and a nice turkey microwave dinner. I
also recieved some nice presents over the season. A Wii fit, sleep pants, printer with scanner, copier and fax. British comedy series and a 100 dollar Itune card. When I feel better I will try to set everything up and download my music.
I washed Daisy (Dog) yesterday . That was about the only task I got done. I strained my back pretty good. Which makes me realize I need to streghten my back muscles more as I have had trouble for many years with it but seems to go away when I do more exercise. I did relieve some pain with some cream that has some sort of aspirin in it and doing what I do best nothing. It is so sunny today and I need to get my butt out and walk the dog. I really am walking myself though as I think I need it more than the dog. One new goal is to try to get out of the house everyday and walk even a block to just get out since I'm back to hating to get out. I know logically I will feel better and it is the push I need.
I know most of my mood will change like clock work in the middle of January. It will be like a switch. I already feel a tad better with the days getting a little longer now. I couldn't of been happier when I realized yesterday it wasn't so dark at 5pm. It has been sunny also lately which is real weird for this area at this time of year. Usually, we get tons of snow at this time. I won't question it and enjoy the sun even though you can't feel the sun here in the North. Usually when the sun is out it is very cold also. It is -12 this morning but gorgeous. The sun makes the snow glitter. It makes me want to get my snow shoes and ski's out this coming week. I haven't been in the mood at all to do anything but it is coming on.
I started to get into the spirit on the last minute doing so food shopping last week. I was surpised to find myself smiling at people and opening doors. Something as random as giving someone my 25 cent pay cart to someone and saying Merry Christmas made my dull mood a little better. I also called my parents and daughter yesterday to wish them a Merry Christmas. It was nice to hear their voices. I had a nice chat with everyone of them and it made me happy that they where having a nice hoilday. I miss them but had a nice time by myself. I had a nice relaxing day talking on the phone, lounging, watching t.v. and a nice turkey microwave dinner. I
also recieved some nice presents over the season. A Wii fit, sleep pants, printer with scanner, copier and fax. British comedy series and a 100 dollar Itune card. When I feel better I will try to set everything up and download my music.
I washed Daisy (Dog) yesterday . That was about the only task I got done. I strained my back pretty good. Which makes me realize I need to streghten my back muscles more as I have had trouble for many years with it but seems to go away when I do more exercise. I did relieve some pain with some cream that has some sort of aspirin in it and doing what I do best nothing. It is so sunny today and I need to get my butt out and walk the dog. I really am walking myself though as I think I need it more than the dog. One new goal is to try to get out of the house everyday and walk even a block to just get out since I'm back to hating to get out. I know logically I will feel better and it is the push I need.
I know most of my mood will change like clock work in the middle of January. It will be like a switch. I already feel a tad better with the days getting a little longer now. I couldn't of been happier when I realized yesterday it wasn't so dark at 5pm. It has been sunny also lately which is real weird for this area at this time of year. Usually, we get tons of snow at this time. I won't question it and enjoy the sun even though you can't feel the sun here in the North. Usually when the sun is out it is very cold also. It is -12 this morning but gorgeous. The sun makes the snow glitter. It makes me want to get my snow shoes and ski's out this coming week. I haven't been in the mood at all to do anything but it is coming on.
Tuesday, October 5, 2010
House Cleaning Fairy
I need a house cleaning fairy. I have a ton of crap to do before winter. I don't have much time as winter will be knocking at the door very soon. I have a way of doing what I want than what needs to be actually done. Yesterday, I bought more tulips since the ones I planted last year came out so good. Some of the tulips and bulbs I bought are Canadian Liberators, Lover's Blend tulips, Muscari, Dark Eyes, Crocous, and more daffodils. The lover's blend is a colour blend of purples and pinks with white in them. They look so pretty. The Canadian Liberators are red and I have a story from last year about them in this blog around the same time last year. Flowers are something simple that make me happy. Yesterday, when I mowed and groomed the area where I would be planting them. I found out I couldn't find my little shovel. I looked everywhere. I gave up and will just buy another one today. I usually put my stuff up. I have been so scattered lately it could be right in front of me and bite me in the ass . I have not been grounded at all and it feels like my head isn't attached. I really need to screw it back on and be a little more grounded to get what I need to around here. I put a little dent in winterizing yesterday. I had a ton of errands to do also. It might have not been the best thing to take a little vacation last week. I have so much to get done and left the house looking like it exploded before we left. I did however finally get everything unpacked and put away. I didn't get around to it for about three days. Mood permeanting I'm generally some what organized. When my mood is a little off, I guessing a little hypo moving into manic. I'm a wreck. I can't connect the dots or remember where I put anything. The concentration isn't there. I work harder at everything I do. Minial task are easy enough to do but I need more complex task done like tackling some of the organzitational problems in this house at the moment.
We are getting another puppy at the end of the month. Her name is Daisy and she is an English Golden Retriever. She is what is pressing me to get things put up. Or she will probaly chew the hell out of them. I have already pulled out the crate to set it up when I get more room in the kitchen . I just have to move some stuff around. I also found out the dog gate is a mess and will need to be rebuilt or I will have to buy something else. I know less stress and order is needed when getting a new puppy and I'm working hard at getting things a little better.
We are getting another puppy at the end of the month. Her name is Daisy and she is an English Golden Retriever. She is what is pressing me to get things put up. Or she will probaly chew the hell out of them. I have already pulled out the crate to set it up when I get more room in the kitchen . I just have to move some stuff around. I also found out the dog gate is a mess and will need to be rebuilt or I will have to buy something else. I know less stress and order is needed when getting a new puppy and I'm working hard at getting things a little better.
Friday, October 16, 2009
Fall Blues
Every season my mood changes with the weather. I suffer from assorted things but one thing that has been bothering me lately is (SAD) Seasonal Affective Disorder. With it being autumn and very rainy at the moment where I live , I have became more depressed lately. Trying to stay motivated but it has been very hard. My mood is as bleak as the grey weather lately. I have no motivation to do anything and have to make myself do the things I need to do in everyday life. It kills me because I have a ton of projects that really need to be done. I have plenty of time but use it to sleep lately. One good thing is that I haven't been negative but lulled into a void of grey where I don't really care one way or another about anything. I'm very much indifferent. Which if you know me I'm not indifferent to anything and pretty much have an opinion on everything. Back to my cave of dark again today as it is always raining and bleak outside. Hoping some sunshine will come my way at least for my mood.
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