Friday, February 18, 2011

This could be two post

It was such a grey windy morning when I woke up. I was less than thrilled about this winter thaw we are having. A couple of hours later it was so bright and sunny. I changed my mind about the hot day. The temp is (40F)or (5C) I'm getting real good at converting back and forth from Fahrenheit and Celsius. I should say more of a ball park as I have basically memorized what is what. I still don't think in metrics. My head clicks back and forth with metric and Celsius. It reminds me that I'm taking to my new country and home. I have also pretty much have shed my southern accent and slang also. I was never raised in the south but my parents where southern and for awhile lived in hillbilly hell in the states. It has took me a good 2-3 years to shed my accent and also develop an ear for other ethnic accents. I was totally lost when someone from certain countries from Europe, Asia or India spoke to me. Not any longer as it sounds very normal to me now. I watch the show swamp people and you would have to run sub-titles on that show now for me to understand them half the time.

I went to my massage though yesterday and realized though when I'm totally relaxed my new non accent and old accent comes and goes . It is weird. Sometimes, I still have to think how to articulate something in clear English or I should say without an accent. I have picked up more of an English vocabulary since living in Ontario full time. When my mother and daughter came and visited this summer, we all looked at each other at times and wondered what the other one was saying. I never realized they had an accent. They had a hard time with my non-accent and different words for different things and some cultural differences. Example, if you order tea in Ontario, you will get a cup of hot tea. In the states , you will get Iced Tea. The Ice tea is different also here. You will get a can of Ice tea. In the south or mid-west you will get some blend of probably Orange Pekoe that is cooled and made into ice tea with tons of sugar. Here that would be like drinking cold hot tea and why would anyone want to do it. Like drinking cold coffee. There is so many little subtle differences between Canada and the States. I could write a whole blog on it. Many differences even in the different provinces just like in the states from North, North West , South West, West, Mid West, and South.

This is going on my third straight year here without going back and forth to the states. I think it has helped me adjust better not going back and forth every 3 months or 6 months living here and there. It really has been a positive on the pocket book not maintaining two houses and for my ability to really find myself. I hated living here full time at first. I hated the rural area etc. I hated being away from my family. I hated to have to start over again. But to be honest , I just hated change. I have always hated change. It is very stressful to me. It is a trigger that makes my moods upside down. I should say what ever mood I'm worse. I have been more open to some change in my life .

Spring coming up is always open to change to me. Just like the season changes so does my mood. Even though we still have a couple more weeks of who knows what here. I can see the gradual change to spring. I see the gradual change in myself. The depression is lifting. The yearning to exercise is coming back. So is the yearning to be healthy and active again. It is like I'm going to get my leafs back or bloom. Even in my depressed or mixed mood down deep I wanted to get back to living a healthier lifestyle and fixing some of my nagging physical pain. I never really thought of myself having chronic pain as it wasn't as horrible as some people with chronic pain. I would just have bad day after I did something like real heavy activity or lifting. Then it increased to a couple of bad days after that kind of activity. Then after all my pain is easier to deal with if I'm in a higher mood or not depressed. Depressed , I don't deal with anything much less pain.

I have been coming along real good physically. My shoulder which was totally immobile went from horrible bitter sharp pain to nagging dull pain to more stiff. I still have a little ways to go but I really feel so much better. I'm also working slowly on other nagging areas such as back. It really has me intouch with how much I need to shed some pounds and get active again. I used to work out to make certain areas strong such as my abs for my back. I also did rowing to strenghten my shoulders. When I gained a ton of weight last year and stopped being active I started to hurt gradually more and more. I was also real skeptic about massage. I got to tell you , I'm sold now. I had a ton of scar tissue formed around difference various muscles in my shoulder and rotator cuff. It has been slowly but sort of fast 2 times a week for a month and I don't feel the pain like I did years ago injuring myself. They are able to break down the scar tissue without surgery. The best thing is doing it new scar tissue doesn't grow back. My body is a mess of years of accidents. Accidents caused by poor judgement and high impact activities. I don't want to be a old lady before my time. I have stopped that stuff for the most part. i just think things out a little better now. I hope I can stay with my new stife to get better.


  1. I feel for you. Chronic pain is so unpleasant and draining. I hope you can find a good workout that eases your pain. Glad to hear you are feeling better.

  2. depression and pain... each can be dealt with on its own - together they spiral each other.
    I've always considered my many many scars as proof of a life appreciated, appropriated, and loved.

  3. Oh wow. What can I say? I relate to this post so much. Just the whole moving thing, the culture difference... you know, for me it wasn't nearly the shock it was for you, coming SO FAR, leaving your country... that must have been really difficult. Actually I know a little bit about the strength it takes for that kind of move because of my hubby. He and his family immigrated to Canada from South Africa about 10 years ago. I've gone back with him to meet his extended family, but it's across the world, so we've only been once. I think everyone in his family who moved here has only gone back once since they immigrated. Now he is a Canadian citizen. He's lost most of his accent too, but there will always be a little bit left. Other people sometimes notice during a conversation with him but it's not totally obvious. I know someone who speaks with her accent to her family, and who speaks "Canadian" to everyone else. So funny! Especially when she answers her cell phone. So yeah, I get the wavering accent thing too. And it felt so weird traveling to a different country and being the only one talking differently.

    I also know what you mean about things just being generally different. The whole iced tea thing! YEAH! Because when I went there and got iced tea, I was so put off by it- so gross. I love my sweet canned iced tea! I couldn't believe how they made it down in the States. Yuck. But it's because you get accustomed to the things you grow up with, right? Its a culture thing, I think. It's like how we have loonies and toonies.. it's a great idea and we just don't think about how silly the words sound but Americans think we're crazy if they don't know about them. :) But at the same time, Americans should know about loonies and copy the idea. One dollar bills could be so disappointing!

    And the ketchup here, same brand, is sweeter. Hmmm. ??? In South Africa, they buy their milk off the shelf, similarly to how we would buy rice or almond milk. And it tastes WAY better than our milk.

    Oh... yeah and in Ontario, they have American sounding accents compared to BC. Have you heard that before? I have some friends who used to live there, and they kind of sound American. I like American accents. Especially southern ones!

    I don't know why I felt compelled to talk about that :)

    Change is good and hard and some people hate it. I think I hate it but sometimes I crave it. How contradicting is that? :P I can get bored but I don't like adjusting to things, especially if it's not an adjustment that I signed up for.

    I think pain of any kind is easier to deal with if depression is out of the picture. I could be going through the worst circumstances ever, but if I'm manicky or non-depressed, it seems like I can handle anything. But if I'm depressed, even if life is going great, everything seems to be going wrong.

    However, lifestyle and exercise and even chronic pain issues I think are a different battle, like you were saying. You fight with those through any mood. And when you are getting through it, those rewarding feelings feel so earned. I'm so happy to hear the massage is working for you. Its also really good to hear that you are wanting to take care of yourself. Sometimes it's hard to care, especially with mixed episodes.

    Sorry this was so long!