Wednesday, February 9, 2011

I Wonder....

I wonder if I only write this blog for myself? Which I do. I never hardly get any comments. Neither do I much ask any questions. I wonder if anyone even listens to me really. I wonder why I even want to be liked. I never really cared in the past. I have always had thick skin. I used to have professions where you had to have thick skin. In every way I have always been a minority that has been discriminated against.

I have visitors on my blog and that should satisfy me but not repeat all the time visitors and never ones that stick. I occasionally have people comment and I'm thankful for it. I'm trying to not whine as I don't think I do very much. I guess I'm in a tender place and want to know if I offend people are what it is that I do to not get repeat visitors or comments. Or is there nothing to say about what I post. I know in the past I never commented much on blogs because I was shy or they said it for me. I read many peoples blog everyday and never say anything. I have started to change that as people really need to be heard. I don't feel like I'm being heard. I'm also pretty insecure about my writing abilities. I have always been dyslexic and it is hard to organize my spelling and wording. I can understand if my writing skills suck. The thing is I have read many blogs that suck that have tons of comments and followers. Suck in content and everything about grammar, sentence structure etc. What am I doing wrong? I'm not that tender to get constructive criticism.


  1. I think you do really good. It is just that you do not blog very often. But I like reading what you have to say. One way I have gotten others to follow my blog is by asking questions to others. Like if I am feeling bad I ask if anyone else has ever felt the same kind of pain.

    Or occasionally write a silly post that is not related to your illness to lighten things up. Like a music video you enjoy. I don't know why you are feeling so vulnerable right now but I hope it blows over soon. I like you...I really do and it makes me sad that you aren't feeling well.

  2. I think this was building up. I used to update and write more. I had other things that I blogged about. I think I look at the stats to much and started to blog bipolar more than other stuff because I at one time got more hits on that. Then I got more hits on writing about facebook. I guess I want to know my audience and really no one ever says a thing except maybe three readers. I really like your blog also. I'm grateful that I gained you as a follower. I have been feeling a little vulnerable probaly because of my personal life at the moment and the pain I have been experiancing.

  3. Oh and I wanted to add that many followers I have said they found me through a comment I made on another persons blog.

  4. I too, am a great rambler, so this is going to be the QUEEN of rambling comments, but I hope it helps :) --I wrote this part last :)

    I think everyone's blog is their own. It's who you are. Whatever you put on it is your business and you don't have to prove anything to anyone or be anything or anyone but yourself!!! If you need to talk about Bipolar because that's all that's on your mind lately, then do it! If you feel like writing other stuff, then do it! But only write what you really want to. This is your space to be free to be who you are.
    I used to be worried about getting visitors and attention on my blog (not this current blog, but my one before, it went on for a few years especially during my really sick time). I was concerned about pleasing readers, writing well and getting compliments for writing well, etc. And every time I got a new follower I secretly celebrated! I searched for bloggers and commented hoping they'd read mine too. I feel silly about that now!
    Okay so on the other hand, there have been a few bloggers that I know who have really plain blogs and they just stick with who they are and journal about whatever they want in such plain terms and some of them don't even write very well but they have just been doing it for a long time and developed a large circle.
    I started the whole blogging thing in 2006 and I think it's been a process for me to really learn that my blog is my own and if people want to be part if it then that is fantastic, but I can't make them, and it's ok!!!
    Now , I have only a couple people who comment and I really don't know if anyone reads my blog either and I miss all my old buddies who have seemed to fall by the wayside or who I lost by moving my blog. Sometimes I go a few posts with no comments, which can be discouraging. I know what it feels like to have "tender moments" when you just feel like nobody is listening and you're talking to a brick wall, though. I do feel like that at times and it SUCKS. I've even written a post before expressing this. Not wanting to whine, but wanting to know if anyone actually reads it because it's hard talking when you feel like nobody is listening.
    I don't think that you not posting all the time is a reason that people don't visit your blog. I have you on a blogroll so when you DO post, your post comes to the top of my list!! :) I don't always comment on your posts but I read every single one of them and my thoughts the majority time are "wow, she's going through the exact same thing I did back then!" or "wow, she's going through exactly the same thing I am right now!" And you always explain it in perfect detail. And I know deep down it's not EXACTLY like me because we are two different people in two different worlds, but it's just uncanny how alike our struggles are! So it's very hard for me to empathize sometimes because I feel that when I feel like I can relate from my own experience I don't want to comment all the time telling you how "I totally get it, I'm the same!" I want to be able to give you proper empathy and let you know that things are going to be alright, and maybe encouraging words of wisdom. It's hard to do it when you don't even know what you'd tell yourself to do!
    So, that's what sometimes prevents me from commenting. But I do feel a really interesting connection with you and what you go through. Especially because you experience so many problems with Mixed episodes. Not many people struggle with it to that extent. And you say so many things I resonate with, things I don't even mention on my blog.
    Please know that I am so glad you are writing in your blog and I really hope you continue. I will make more of an effort to let you know that I am here and you have my support :)
    And also I just want to mention- I think you are a very deep person, a deep thinker. I love that you explore what goes one way beneath the surface. So yeah... keep it up!! :) :) :)