Friday, February 11, 2011


I have been pretty busy the last past two days. My mood is climbing. I don't know if I like it or not. I'm getting things done though and that is good. It is my cycle though to start climbling this time of year. I think I gave it an extra push last week with the SAD lamp. It works just like an anti-depressant. Which everyone knows bipolar people should discontinue when it makes you manic or pushes towards mania. It really is a fine line. Just glad I caught it before I totally pushed myself over the edge.

Been trying to work on my triggers also to manage. One of them was to give myself a nice space on facebook without all the negativy on my other one. It is a vicious cycle when I get into negativy because I respond negavtive and aggressive back. Pretty normal for anyone really. Look at the internet, filled with hate with opinions when people answer to a news story or even some blogs out there. Never been subjected to the hate letter thankfully. No one practices tolerance anymore. No one gets the point you don't have to agree and still get along. Example, I'm far from religious or go to church. I would never bash people of any faith though. It might not be for me but I don't make fun of people who go to church and respect them. I'm not conservative but don't bash there views either. It just isn't my cup of tea. They are no more wrong than I'm right. (sorry for the tangent) Anyway, getting away from my other negative facebook lets me avoid this trap of intolerance and negativy. It really isn't an bipolar facebook either. It is just a nice space of fresh air that I can be me. Believe it or not I like to talk about more than how fucked I'm today. I really need to jump onto twitter as I really like to say little blurbs than write all the time. Sort of how I use my facebook.

I'm trying to get this house in order. One of my other triggers in this mood is mess and disorganization. I just can't stand it. I have to have peace and order. A nice safe place. Mess is overwhelming. Even though the mess I have now didn't happen overnight. I trudge through it everyday now for the past week. It has been a little harder though being in pain. I used to be able to tackle it fast but it is taking time now. It makes me a little irritable with myself for letting it get this way and especially J that can't ever take up the slack for me. If I'm down nothing get's done. I have two fold the mess .

Another, thing during this time is to communicate my distress and what bothers me no mater what gets resolved. Or I build up the anger and I don't want to get passive aggressive. I actually don't like that trait in anyone and try my hardest not to do it even though I do at times.

Time, to fix dinner and blog later. Ramble Ramble like a machine gun firing . Poping off like a machine gun.


  1. I can't live in clutter or a mess either. My life is wayy better if I just try to keep things clean. It takes a lot of effort just to put things away as I go, and I can't always do it, but I can't live in the mess so I do what I can to prevent the pileup.

    I have/had a SAD lamp. I got one, and I've lent it to family members. I did get it back, didn't use it, and lent it out again. It just doesn't "do it" for me. But with that said, a blue sky provides me with a almost euphoric, happy, motivated and pure state of mind. Maybe it's the thought of a bulb that just doesn't do it for me. I don't know.

    I wish people would just stop being judgemental too.

  2. Never used a SAD lamp - interesting. However, I do so love standing with my face to the sun and eyes closed - it is my happiest moment in life. In winter, I am lost without it. Maybe I ought to try one out.
    Cleanliness is next to an ordered mind. However, the slightest disorder overwhelms and exponents itself - I mean that we see larger clutter when it isn't there - actual large clutter is just debilitating, and this is when the noise is the loudest.

  3. I refuse to clean that often. I like a bit of mess in my house. I feel more comfortable that way. I never make the bed, though I do wash the sheets every so often. I am not a neat freak but I am a clean freak. I do not mind a pile of laundry long as it is clean. I am happy to hear you are feeling better. I hope you continue to feel good.