The Good and Bad

On a good note, I have started to battle some of my depression. Baby steps have been applied to my life. I started to get out of the house. That started last week. I have been continuing that aspect as much as I can. I went shopping yesterday and actually didn't mind it. I also got my hair done . I love getting my hair done. Nothing like a good shampooing and massage to the scalp. The stress totally leaves me and makes me a happy camper.I shopped for more exercise clothes. I was thinking it might get me back on track. Since, it has felt like I have derailed this past last month. I also was pricing a new stove top for the kitchen and realized , I'm going to have to shop harder as the one place I went I didn't like the price. Which translates I'm going to have to order it via Internet or drive a distance. Sometimes, it really sucks to live in a rural area. The selection is just not there.
Last week, we went and visited my in-laws. To be honest it was more like checking up on their well- being. They are 90 years old. It always leaves me wanting to bang my head into a wall. They really need to be in a nursing home. They are hanging on by a thread. My mother in law has senile dementia and my father in law can hardly walk. My father in law makes all the decisions and lack of good ones in my opinion. He is very difficult for me to get along with as he is very stubborn and very argumentative. It lives me not talking much and just observing. I also get mad at J for not pushing them more to get more care. J and her brother don't want to step on toes. Well, I step on toes and wouldn't mind shaking things up. No, I'm suppose to bite my tongue about anything they do and that includes J's father treating me like shit and being in my opinion treating J lesser than the rest of anyone in J's family. Sometimes, I feel J's family is ungrateful as we travel aways to see them and help them. We also spend a ton also. We pay for most of the meals and have to pay for our lodging also. That doesn't even include gas. For as much as we pay we could have a nice mini-vacation of three days , anywhere in Ontario . So it chaps my ass, when they aren't grateful. I have been sort of ranting about J's parents for about two days. Mostly, in my head as it isn't nice to rant about someones elderly parents even if they are a huge pain in the ass. I always suck it up and I'm nice out of duty. Even booked another trip next month to help out and visit . Whether I'm in the mood or not. I will suck it up like I usually do and make my way to the hotel lounge and make the bitter taste in my mouth go down with a double of scotch.

Today, I'm going to not let this eat me as I can't change people and the only person I can change is me. Hopefully, I will make an appointment for a personal trainer to get me ready for the ski season and some help rehabbing a past injured shoulder. Several years ago , I tore a rotary cuff. I really need more aerobic activity also. I know how to exercise but it also helps me to get a firm schedule of what I need to do to get stronger in my core and legs . It cuts down on injuries when down-hill skiing when you are in shape. I need at least 8 weeks of fitness training. I have heard in might be a earlier winter and I want to be ready this year before the SAD seats in. I want to be locked into a proper schedule so I don't flounder.

I have been busy cleaning the house and getting a lot done. My mood is all over the place at the moment. It goes from excitement to being overwhelmed. I have a lot to look forward to but I have to get much done. When I get overwhelmed , I sleep. I think it will get better when the Olympics are over as in the evenings, I bored shit less with that on. I know a ton of people enjoy it but I don't. Next week, we are going skiing again and I sprang for private lessons. I think it will be great because the last time there wasn't enough people for the lesson and it was just the two of us and it was great. I learned a lot. I have been trying to get more fit for skiing but I doubt I will be that fit to last all day. Me going to the gym is going well and so is the diet. I'm getting to the point where I don't want to eat as much as I did before the diet. I will continue with the gym to enhance my summer activities of golf and mtn. biking. I also have family visiting and I don't want them to see me at my heaviest either.
Oh, a little rant. I have had to get something notarized and found out only lawyers do them in this country. I was a little pissed as in the states you just go anywhere to get the document stamped. To add insult to injury I couldn't even get an lawyer to call me back. I found a notary service in a different town 90 miles away. That I will have to go to. This only reminds me how inept the people in this town is and makes me hate where I live just a little more if that is possible. It just makes the many reasons come up, why I hate this hole. I have to think summer will be here and I will be able to mtn.bike in a different city and golf and it might make it a little tolerable. Also, seeing my family will be so great. I'm lonely living here and it is great to have someone around that relates to you. Until , then I will clean a little more to get my new couch tomorrow. That was a bright spot in this town , it was easy to get a couch without the shit that generally happens buying anything from this town.

Moods Come and Go

I have been mild depressed for about 2 weeks and lack motivation to do anything.I have been lucky to force myself even if I don't feel like it. I don't know how long being able to force myself to do something will last but for now at least I can have fun once I force myself.
My ski trip turned out wonderful and I'm glad it was booked or I would of not of went. I did come quickly to the decision that I needed to diet and exercise more than ever when 2 hours totally wiped me out. I would have been much more enjoyable , if I was in a little better shape. I didn't think anything would give me such enjoyment as I was feeling bland and indifferent at the time. I felt overwhelmed with a sense of accomplishment and feeling exhausted in a good way. I have never been downhill skiing until last Tuesday. I was a little fearful and tense as I had it in my mind it was harder than it was and the possibility of injuring myself. I didn't injure myself or was it hard. It was a little hard because of position of being bent . I was using so much of my lower body . (Calf's & Knees)
When I came back home I have been tired. I'm tired emotionally and physically. I decided to go on a diet and start exercising as I really enjoyed skiing and found that I want to do it again next month. I stopped all soda beverages yesterday. My head has been a little fuzzy doing that. I also stopped all unhealthy snack food also. I went grocery shopping about two days ago and only bought healthy options. Mostly, I bought fresh vegetables and picked up some more lean meat at the butchers to supplement what is already in the freezer. I'm not to wild about this but neither am I that wild about being overweight. I decided this is going to be a total lifestyle change as my weight fluctuates like my mood. I hope I can be consistent with this. I know it will take some time and I will probably not be perfect about it all the time. I have yoga DVDs and other DVDs so when I don't want to go out I can still exercise. I'm also doing squats and calf exercises at home everyday.
I just wish I could feel something besides indifferent about it. I guess it is my mood and when I feel the results mentally and physically maybe I will feel better about a better lifestyle. Before, I even decided to do this I felt indifferent except when I was skiing as it was pumping my adrenaline. I'm thinking I need more things to get the excitement level up as that is when I only feel something besides it would be nice to lounge around and numb out on television. I'm going to try to push myself more and find away around this mood. I do know the bright sun has been helping very much lately and we have it forcasted that it will last about two more days. I need to take advantage of it and put off anything else until it is over. I have so much house chores to do sometimes I feel guilty for doing what I probably need to do to take care of myself. I need to get outside and really bask in the sun to get me some much needed vitamin D. Trudge and Trudge over that hump is what I tell myself.

Winter Vacation On The Cheap

I'm planning a vacation this winter. It will be a short one . A total of 3 and a half days. I'm getting real excited planning it. I'm trying to save money by going closer to home . My plans are to go down hill skiing and tubing. I will also use one of those days to shop as my supplies need stocked again. I'm trying to be practical with this vacation and save a little money. I don't need the most expensive hotel and don't need the most expensive ski resort to have fun. I have found an average hotel to book and probably not the best and maybe not so great , ski place in Ontario. It is probably good for a beginner and it is cheap. I couldn't believe the price of forty dollars for a lesson and equipment rental. The lesson is 75 minutes long and a lift ticket for the easy slopes. You can't beat that. They also offer tubing which requires no skill. They have two for one coupons for that also. I'm new to this type of winter experience and look forward to it. I'm more used to golfing in the winter than down hill skiing and tubing. I did though go to the mountains when I was a kid to tube . Then we would drive back home where it was warm. I grew up in Southern California. I have lived in several places but nothing as wintry as Ontario. I like it very much though and seem to thrive in a winter environment.
While people plan their vacations in Ontario to somewhere warmer and full of sunshine ; I'm content to stay in Ontario. It is cheaper and a chance to explore what is in your own backyard. I had many places to choice from also and when I get better I will probably try other places in the winter to ski. I like the winter season and embrace it. I also like putting a vacation together on a budject so I can save up for my next seasonal vacation. I have saved so much money by not travelling to the states any more and having a house in the states. I have so much fun exploring Ontario and look forward to the adventures I'm going to have this year.