Food&Mood

It has been five days since I have started my lifestyle change with diet and exercise. I have had every range of emotion from foggy , hating it, loving it ,pleased , exhausted, and energetic. It wasn't till yesterday that my body adjusted to eating modest servings and to the good nutrients. J noticed that I wasn't bloated anymore and that I have lost water weight. My body just feels better without the bloat. I couldn't believe how bloated I was before and I thought I ate half decent. I cut out most preservatives in food and rarely ate out. I thought I wasn't doing so poorly before until these last five days of eating way more vegetables and fruit.
My mood is even improving but I'm still a little indifferent to life. I have felt some periods of happiness , even if it was fleeting. I'm going to add Vitamin D to my mix of vitamins also. The multi-vitamin, I take is not the daily recommended allowance of 1,000 ICU. I was reading that Vitamin D might help with SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder) This time of year where I live you just cant get vitamin d from the sun. You can sun bathe all you want but because the UV is never at full tilt in the winter it is impossible to achieve getting vitamin d. I guess I can get it from fortified milk and grains but I don't like milk at all and rarely eat cereal. Fish is also very expensive to eat. I also worry about how polluted fish are anymore. I was trying to take cod liver oil capsules but it really made my stomach sick and made very smelly gas. I think I will just go with just a vitamin and some fortified grains.
I also didn't celebrate or watch the Superbowl like I usually do. The thing is I don't even like football so it wasn't that much of a loss. The party atmosphere that I usually make was missed though. I did have some of the food already bought for it like baby back ribs. I did end up making a rack of ribs but only eating three ribs. I also made scallop potatoes and greens. I ate a meager serving of scallop potatoes and made the greens very healthy without any pork product to season it and just some seasoning like a Mrs Dash product. It was amazing to make collard greens that weren't fating. Collard Greens are very good for you if you don't cook them in ham hocks or meat drippings. I ate more of those than anything else. I'm actually delighted with vegetables now because I can eat more of a serving than just very strict portion controls of certain things. I think my meal was about 350- 400 calories. It also helps serving your meal on a smaller plate as it helps trick your mind you are eating a lot more than you are. It really helped my mind. The thing about cutting down on portions is that you save so much money when you watch what you eat. Plus it has saved me time as I have dinner tonight also where as I would not have left overs. All I have to do is make another fresh vegetable tonight. I also notice since I eat three meals a day my blood sugar isn't always spiking or bottoming out. I'm less hungry because my blood sugar levels aren't high or low. I don't need to hurry up and eat something or put anything in my mouth to not feel starved. Eating sporadically would play hell with my moods also leaving me anxious , nervous, tired and moody. I know in theory that eating properly is good for my mental health and health but when you do eat properly and get what you need it really hits home how important it is to make healthier choices.

A flood of feelings

I don't know what to really say. My partner has been suffering from addiction and is also Bipolar. I went to an appointment with her today as she was ready to get help with her drinking problem. I'm very proud of her and think it takes a lot of courage to get help. My feelings have been all over the place. I worry a lot about her also as she has some underlying health problems. She was so scared and rightfully so as this is hopefully going to change her life. I already miss her and hope her the best as I know she can do this five day detox. Maybe, this will also give her a chance to get her meds together and me a break from all the chaos that has been around lately. It is heart breaking to watch someone drinking them self to death slowly . It is like slowly committing suicide. I have so much going in my head at the moment and it doesn't help my mood is at a all time mixed up crap state. I need to take care of myself in the meantime and do what I can for me at the moment as my hands are totally out of the mix what is going to happen to her at the moment. I cant guess what will happen and just hope she will be OK. She had to go to detox out of town and I really hope she will be OK. More to come in more days when all this sinks into my brain.

Another Day

I have grown very intrigued with the concept of a blog. I haven't much in the past looked at individuals blogs and find them very interesting. I feel out of touch that I haven't in the past jumped on the bandwagon of the personal blog or blog period. I have embraced most things on the Internet and have kept up with the growing trends even though recently I'm very bored with some of them which included facebook,groups, twitter. What most appeals to me about reading blogs is that I find people interesting especially there lives. You can only get so much from a blurb on tweet or facebook. Status updates are so vague. The problem with facebook and twitter updates is that you can get a million little status updates to get anything and not much substance. I like more substance. I also love the idea of writing about things as mundane as they are sometimes. Sometimes, the mundane can tell you plenty about a person also. Most people aren't out there winning Nobel Peace Prizes or doing what some consider meaningful advocacy work. They are just regular people that have regular life's and have some insights.

What I do love about the Internet is a person never has to feel alone with a problem as I'm sure someone suffers from malady somewhere and all over the world. Over the years I have belonged to my fair share of Internet support groups and general groups. Some helpful and some not so helpful. Some of the more helpful ones where just general living. I seem to suffer from a living problem . I have came to that conclusion anyway. Which my mood swings seem to aggravate the way I live my daily life and causes problems at times how I view myself. I either view myself to highly or suffer from low self-esteem.
I was noticing yesterday when I was headed to town to go to the dump that I had a truck full of stuff that needed to be cleared out so I could load it with bags of trash. I was looking at the stuff I was unloading and thinking at the time I just had to have these things that I bought even though they have sat out in the truck (aka) storage shed for a couple of weeks. I came out with a roasting pan, media storage system , Wii, three pairs of shoes, various clothing from storage and previous travels, and finally knick knacks from my previous house. That is just the backseat and not the bed of the truck. Since this move I have been trying to organize this house and not to much avail when I keep bringing more in than I take out. It is real hard to try to combine two households. This house was at full capacity before I moved in. That is putting it nicely:) My partner is a clutterbug and trying now to take strides into improving that problem even though it isn't fast enough for me. Previously we shared two residences in two different countries for going on 7 years and took the plunge to combine them this year. It has been an adjustment for me to be in just one place and not travelling back and forth every three months. With not travelling back and forth I can focus more on just one house which has it's advantages and disadvantages. I miss my old house as it was organized and clutter free. It seemed bigger also. Hard to tell with all the clutter in this house how big it is. Last winter and I continue today to hit road blocks and seem stagnate at times how to progress ahead with clearing out the stuff that is what I term just junk and useless. I want things to be used and not just acquired which is hard when your a bipolar couple. The thing though through my travels back and forth from the states to Canada I learned was I was much less attached to my things. Especially, now with much of my things in storage , I seem not very attached to things what so ever. I do have my favorite things like my computer and music equipment but most things I'm attached to could fit into three bags. I never thought in a million years I could become detached from things. I seem to just want things that enhance my life now than trap me. If it doesn't get used it gets pitched. Which reminds me I need to do more pitching. It is also hard with my mood swings because I swear that someday I will do some type of project and it just never gets opened. I'm still working on it. For the things I cleared out of the truck they will get used but not soon enough . I don't feel like playing any game at the moment as that takes energy. Roasting pan, well I don't feel much like making a roast either. The storage system is great if it will ever get put together. I look at it this way, the first step with dealing with this stuff is just moving it into the house because I will deal with it probably when I get to a better place. That better place isn't coming soon enough though. One thing I have learned about moods they do change . I just don't have a crystal ball to tell when they will. Until then I will just tenderly trudge and make myself do what I can.