Boxes

Here is a little background so you can understand this post.I went to storage yesterday to deal with my storage of all my stuff from the states. I had it all shipped in 2009. I have picked at it a little here and there but never have dealt with it. For me to deal with it means the lost of my own home and my things. I left all my furniture in the states as we already had furniture. J house is full. To full for my things so I will just keep what matters to me and get rid of the rest.

I have been with J for 10 years and married 8. We had two homes one in the states which was mine . Hers in Canada. We went back and forth for years. Until 2009. I moved completely. It cost to much money to keep two homes every few months.

Anyway, it makes me sad to get rid of the majority of my stuff and also resentful because J hasn't gotten rid of hardly nothing that matters except the junk I delcuttered this year. That needed to go. It has brought up feelings how J hasn't had to give up much with my move and how it really has benefited J more than anyone.

I still after all these years really haven't made friends or have made much of a life for myself. I still miss the states at times but have settled OK in my isolation. It doesn't much help that I don't much care for the people in this town and wished I was in a bigger city but that isn't going to happen. I also have a hell of a time making friends.

I did decide this year I would get out and ski more which is more social.

Procrastination

I'm having an inability to focus this morning on any one thing. I'm overwhelmed with everything that I need to get done so my mind skips around. I really don't want to do anything today except relax. I have been making list and the shear amount of things I need to get done doesn't appeal to me. I'm a serious procrastionator and always have this slogan : (I can do it tomorrow ) The thing is tomorrow never comes for me. Because their is aways tomorrow:) I will get some things done today even if I don't go out. I always have a ton to do around the house. List tend to help me see exactly what needs to be done also. I always put what is absolutely urgent down. I know in my head what is urgent but list make it more concrete. I like making list also. I look back at my list in my little notebook or scraps of paper and it tells me a story months later of where I was at and where I'm now.

I went to the doctor yesterday. It was my first time meeting him. Before, that I went to see the nurse practioner. The doctor comes once a week to the outpost. I was very impressed with him. It has been awhile since a doctor hasn't been dismissive and has listened and listened. He asked questions and stayed silent to listen. I think my high blood pressure yesterday impressed him also as I have been half ass medicated for it for a couple of months. He wants to do some serious investigation before he puts me on anything more. But he did up my Cardizm to help with the chest pain and keep the high blood pressure level. He even recognized his/nurse practioners mistake about the one medication that had my potassium depleted and in ER. He said he has to understand how I metabolize better. I go to a specialist the 25th and start the intense testing that I have needed all along. The specialist and this doctor are going to work together to find the answers I need. I feel really relived as I really don't want a stroke or heart-attack. I feel like I'm getting some where which gives me hope. I'm doing the things I need to do also like exercising more , losing weight and cutting sodium. I still need to give up the smoking. I will do that but not right now as it helps me through this time in my life. I would totally go bat shit not having my smokes right now.

Even though I live in Canada , I don't enjoy socialize medicine as I still have to pay for it for so many years because of being sponsored. It doesn't bother me at all. I pay less than people in the states with an insurance deductable. It is very resonable and really don't feel like I should be a drain on the system either. Yesterdays doctors visit cost 30 bucks. When I had a cat scan I payed 700 not 9,000 that was charged to my daughters insurance when she had an accident. I'm very thankful for the healthcare in this country that doesn't leave me bankrupted or neglecting my health. When I see the nurse practioner it is based on donation for me. What ever I feel like giving. I always give a good sum though. I don't want to take advantage of the generiousty of the outpost. Many people I seen in this area arent very appreciative of the healthcare and sort of abuse it also. I guarntee you if their was a minimal charge they wouldnt show up with the flu or many other things that could be treated at home. I have heard people in the office not want to drive 20 miles either for free healthcare and get bitchy about it. I will drive 20 miles for decent afforable healthcare and not abuse the system. So many people take for granted many things they are entitled to. I hope I will always remember and be thankful for what my new country has gave me besided healthcare and that includes better civil rights than I had in the states. I'm starting to bleed maple leafs so I better stop.

I look forward to figuring out what I need to do as I feel better capable to deal with things even if it is overwhelming. I will probaly put around the house and get things done as I have to go to town tomorrow for a dental cleaning and combine everything tomorrow. I do need some relaxtion too as Rob-bear pointed out.
I want to thank my new blog followers for following this blog. I have found many interesting blogs lately with new followers and lurking on these blogs I have found more blogs also. It really makes me feel not so alone and heard. It puts a smile on my face to read blogs every morning with coffee whether I comment or not. I do pretty much keep up with everyone. I will also enjoy reading farther back on some of the new blogs I have joined. It really is nice to get a different view from reading blogs and cheaper than therapy:) I have got more out of blog land than years of therapy.

Life

I haven't blogged in awhile and thought I would do a little update. Everything is going real well for the most part. I have been real busy with the yard and getting ready for summer. I felt better last week so even got a golf membership at the golf club. I also got a Big Green Egg . A Big Green Egg is a Grill, BBQ, Smoker and Bakes all in one. It is the most fantastic grill out there that is charcoal. I love it as it can grill so fast and maintain any temp. I seared some steaks the other day with it and they where excellent. I have mainly been outside in this wonderful weather we have been having. It is raining this week though . I have a ton to do in the house this week and don't look forward to getting it done. It is mostly cleaning and spring cleaning. I just loath cleaning most of the time. Even worse I need to declutter which just brings anxiety. I don't know what to do with J's junk and treasures. Most of the house is filled with J's junk as all my stuff is in storage from moving here permanently last year. I have to say it is nice not leaving in two different houses in two different countries . I dragged my stuff back for years and it has been nice to see the seasons change and make plans this year. It will be going on a year that I have lived here straight in June. Even in the previous years that I have lived here seasonal, I have done every season but not the spring season. Mainly, March till May and it is nice this year even though it is odd weather and warmer than it every has been in 63 years. I'm definitely going to enjoy it . I look forward to the warmer weather so I can put a garden in also. I have many things planned and look forward to writing more in my blog.