Tuesday, September 14, 2010

The Good and Bad

On a good note, I have started to battle some of my depression. Baby steps have been applied to my life. I started to get out of the house. That started last week. I have been continuing that aspect as much as I can. I went shopping yesterday and actually didn't mind it. I also got my hair done . I love getting my hair done. Nothing like a good shampooing and massage to the scalp. The stress totally leaves me and makes me a happy camper.I shopped for more exercise clothes. I was thinking it might get me back on track. Since, it has felt like I have derailed this past last month. I also was pricing a new stove top for the kitchen and realized , I'm going to have to shop harder as the one place I went I didn't like the price. Which translates I'm going to have to order it via Internet or drive a distance. Sometimes, it really sucks to live in a rural area. The selection is just not there.
Last week, we went and visited my in-laws. To be honest it was more like checking up on their well- being. They are 90 years old. It always leaves me wanting to bang my head into a wall. They really need to be in a nursing home. They are hanging on by a thread. My mother in law has senile dementia and my father in law can hardly walk. My father in law makes all the decisions and lack of good ones in my opinion. He is very difficult for me to get along with as he is very stubborn and very argumentative. It lives me not talking much and just observing. I also get mad at J for not pushing them more to get more care. J and her brother don't want to step on toes. Well, I step on toes and wouldn't mind shaking things up. No, I'm suppose to bite my tongue about anything they do and that includes J's father treating me like shit and being in my opinion treating J lesser than the rest of anyone in J's family. Sometimes, I feel J's family is ungrateful as we travel aways to see them and help them. We also spend a ton also. We pay for most of the meals and have to pay for our lodging also. That doesn't even include gas. For as much as we pay we could have a nice mini-vacation of three days , anywhere in Ontario . So it chaps my ass, when they aren't grateful. I have been sort of ranting about J's parents for about two days. Mostly, in my head as it isn't nice to rant about someones elderly parents even if they are a huge pain in the ass. I always suck it up and I'm nice out of duty. Even booked another trip next month to help out and visit . Whether I'm in the mood or not. I will suck it up like I usually do and make my way to the hotel lounge and make the bitter taste in my mouth go down with a double of scotch.

Today, I'm going to not let this eat me as I can't change people and the only person I can change is me. Hopefully, I will make an appointment for a personal trainer to get me ready for the ski season and some help rehabbing a past injured shoulder. Several years ago , I tore a rotary cuff. I really need more aerobic activity also. I know how to exercise but it also helps me to get a firm schedule of what I need to do to get stronger in my core and legs . It cuts down on injuries when down-hill skiing when you are in shape. I need at least 8 weeks of fitness training. I have heard in might be a earlier winter and I want to be ready this year before the SAD seats in. I want to be locked into a proper schedule so I don't flounder.


  1. can ya tell i read the below post first? sorry. i'm bad about that. so. maybe not so 'good' after all. but really - decent, over all? right? i feel for ya as ya talk about the in-laws. i am so right there with ya on that. my mom in law is wonderful. but there are others -- i won't say who-- not here. but man. ungrateful as all get out. almost entitled. if not completely. part of why i shut down soulland. even felt entitled to my words. i would continue on my rant - but this isn't the place for that.
    anyhow-- hang in there womannnn. you sound like you have some solid plans, and action comin together -- who knows... this could be one of the best SAD times of your life :)) just roll with it --

  2. Dear Soul got to e-mail you and tell you before blogland if I can even tell but will tell you before. I will write tomorrow what is so upsetting.