Thursday, September 23, 2010

Sad days

I haven't been writing lately. That is because it has felt like life has kicked me in the teeth again. I have had so much going on and much tragic news. I don't much talk about my family on here. The news I have received lately is my uncle has liver cancer and is terminal . My grandmother that lives with my mother is going on hospice in the real near future. She is 94 so that isn't a big surprise. She also has severe senile dementia. I have mourned the departure of my grandma when she lost her mind about 7 or 8 years ago. The hardest one I have to stomach right now is the possibility that my daughter might have leukemia. She has had several blood test that all come back screwy. The values indictate something is wrong and she will be going to a hematologist for farther investigation. I will hear something hopefully by Friday. It has been the longest 2 and a half weeks with this. I just want some answers and they aren't coming fast enough for me. I'm scared and haven't dealt very well with all this news. I should say I'm dealing with it the best I can. Some days , I don't even get out of my pj's and just watch the crappy t.v. Some days, I try real hard . I feel like I'm on a roller coaster ride and just want to get off.

I'm planning a trip up north and will be gone for about 5-6 days. Up north is very spiritual for me and I need to connect to something. This trip is to restore some of my sanity as well as just to escape. I need some recharging. I know my problems will be right where I left them. Maybe, with some renewed spirit I will feel more like coping instead of finding my faith in a beer bottle. I have been getting drunk lately and it isn't acceptable to me. I need the beauty of nature and up north is where I find the divine wave , the colour of fall, the majestic waterfalls, trees that whisper in the wind and the pebble sanded beaches. I can find these things and relax without modern technology or most anything modern. It is very rural and cell phone coverage is spotty. Part of me is going to moan and grown for a day without my wifi or my daily calls to my mother. I might still make my daily calls but it will be on a land-line in a motel of mystery. I still have what we used to have before computers and blogs. It is my trusty journal and notepaper . I really plan on doing some journal and getting in touch with me. Hopefully, I might find one motel that might have wifi. I doubt it though because most of it is so rural. If I do I will update my blog. But probably will when I get back.

No comments:

Post a Comment