Monday, March 7, 2011

Hiding Under A Rock

I feel like I have been living under a rock for the past 2 1/2 weeks. I haven't had much of anything to really say. I have had things to say but I have been very quite. I haven't spoke much to anyone. I think if my foggy brain serves me right , I hardly said one word in a week to even J. Or even when I would barely go out say a word to anyone else and have a blank stare on my face. I read blogs but really didn't have much to say either. Didn't really update my facebook either. It has took me the last 4-5 days to get in a more social mood with anyone or anything. I really have just looked like a stump for two weeks. I haven't had anything to say good or bad.

The weather has been up and down for the past two weeks. Sun and dark grey. This time of the year it is generally sunny and edging towards spring. I get excited about spring. Not this year. Winter hangs on with it's cold hand. Blowing it's cold breath and spreading it's greyness and tantrums of unpredictable bouts of snow, ice and rain.

I wish I could recall of the past two weeks but it was so boring and it is foggy. it seems like it all runs into each other. Basically, it has been just daily life. Life without much emotion or passion. It has been getting about getting by.

I did have a nicer day yesterday. It was very sunny and very cold. I sat outside in the sun. I played with the dogs in the snow also. I broke out my green egg and grilled a steak. Nothing like the taste of hickory. I also took pictures. I haven't snapped a picture in over 4 months. I didn't snap anything special but at least I took some. Everything has looked so bland that it hasn't caught my eye at all in the past couple of months. I usually carry my little camera everywhere. I'm hoping that I will break out my Nikon pretty soon even though it is bulky. Who knows it is my b-day next month and I will get a better little camera. I think J will kill me for asking as my Nikon cost a fortune and I have hardly used it much in the past 2-3 years as I do the little camera. Mostly, because it is bulky and costly where I don't want to damage it.

I just wish my mood would make up it's mind about what mood it wants to be in. I have got many false starts into my usual mood for this time of year. My mood cycle is pretty predictable and this winter has been harder than usual for me mood wise.
It seems either the depression or the mixed just won't snap so easy. I really think it has to do with the SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder) with the mood not wanting to move to hypo-mania-mania. It really doesn't matter as each mood has it's baggage for me. I'm just bored and long over due to get out of this one. I wouldn't mind being more productive though. I feel it coming on and hope it will just stick. Actually, I feel more normal than usual and that is a good sign. Even though it is on the lazy side.

Hoping to catch up on more things today and being more communicative.


  1. I'm sorry you have been feeling bluesy. Rocks suck! I'm glad you finally made it out to write a post... I was wondering where you went! I hope the dark weather lifts where you are, soon, and that you can once again experience they joy that comes with the sun and spring bloom. Boredom is the worst. Especially in Mixed. I also experienced SAD and Mixed Episodes. What a rut! Try to do something nice for yourself today. Something that you really love. For me, that's going to be eating a big spoonful of icing. I think after my kind of day, I deserve it. You do too :)

  2. I ventured out today. I'm keeping my fingers cross that the mood will improve. The weather though just gets worse and worse though. Back to the lamp again.