Sunday, April 1, 2012

Twilight Zone

It has been a very long 8-9 days. We ended up staying in Cambridge for 8 days. J's mother fell the second day we where there. We took them out to dinner and at the restaurant she fell coming in. It was a violent fall . We took her to the Er where we spent about 9 hours waiting for the results of xrays to tell us if she broke her shoulder and hip. She still doesn't have her mobility that she did before she fell but according to the xrrays she didn't break anything. The good news is she got more home health care. She already had some but we made sure we stayed and got everyday help.

We don't still know if they will allow the ladies to do what they need to do. They have declined services we have set up before. It is frustrating to us they will not except the help they need and seem very ungrateful. They need to be in a home as one is very demented and the other is starting to get that way. We have no say if they go to a home as J doesn't have power of attorney and J's brother does. He is in denial and think they can manage. He is also chicken shit and I could say much more but I don't feel like wasting my time on such a sad creature.It pisses us off to no end because we are so powerless and we know both of them are a disaster waiting to happen.

While we where waiting on services for them-phsyo-ot-bath lady-general help. Me and J performed all the task they needed for a week. I did the cooking and cleaning. J did all the nurse stuff as she was a RN for 25 years. Needless to say we are tired. I cooked vast amounts of food and froze them up for them in containers. I had about 10 meals frozen. The last day we where their |I| had a container of chili that I had prepared and was going to put it in there freezer when I discovered all the meals I made them where missing. I had J look as I thought where the hell could all that food be. We where just about to leave and get out for good. I was confused. They threw all the food I made them away. I have no clue why either. J's parents aren't the best honest communicators. We where driving back to the motel and it felt like someone kicked me in the stomach. I cooked for days, cleaned for days did anything they wanted for days. Most of all I kept my mouth shut for days and didn't get into any argument. I just felt very hurt and used. I have dropped it. I can't determine logic when those people are so illogical. That is crazy to throw away that food. If they didn't like it they should of said so and I would of took it home with me. I spent a lot of time and money fixing that stuff and it makes no sense that you would throw away healthy whole food to be left with TV dinners since they don't cook anymore. I do know one thing I done with them. I wash my hands. I will not use my limited resources to help them. I will not use all my energy for ungrateful people when I have not much to give anyway. Where I'm left washed up drinking like a drunk in the evening to get through the hell. Did, I mention these people have over a quarter of a million dollars and we end up broke helping them because they are cheap mother fuckers. No more! I will get a vacation this year and it wont be in another ER or being a god damn maid.

 They do treat me like a maid also which just ruffles my feathers. I have been married to J for 8 years and been with J a little over 10. They barely acknowledge we are married. I'm introduced to people as J's friend. I generally ignore it as I know my in-laws are bigots and I have just accepted that. Actual my mother in law isn't but she is severally demented so she knows I belong and remembers me but doesn't know the relationship. J's father on the other hand is a mean spirited man. Who is the bigot and racist.It makes my skin crawl. I was so embarrassed when we where in ER and he thinks he is whispering and says racist remarks about the different people in ER waiting. I was horrified and I did apologize when I could for such terrible behaviour. J was embarrassed also as we are not that way and it makes us very anger hearing remarks  of hate and misunderstanding a group of people . I do know how it is to be hated on and be treated in a hateful manner. It is ugly and ignorant etc.  

I'm at home now and I'm so thankful to be at home. It is so wonderful even if I have a ton to do and catch up on. I have felt like I have been in the twilight zone. It has been so surreal and I can gradual get back to my own life and state my opinions and have them.


  1. UG! That is terrible! All that work, and waste. I feel so sorry for you, trying to be good-hearted, and having this happen. It feels so depressing just reading about it.

    If however "one is very demented and the other is starting to get that way," maybe it was the dementia the through out the food. I'm not making excuses for them. I'm just wondering what is happening in their minds. And whether this might be a good reason for getting them tested for the extent of their dementia. I don't know what you can do for them when they are like this.

    Blessings and Bear hugs.

  2. I am new here, so don't know the history of you and your inlaws but this post made me so sad, to go to all that work to prepare frozen meals just to have them thown in the trash would be so very hurtful and I can't help but wonder what their reasoning was, and why they couldn't have waited to do that after you were gone if they didn't want to eat them. Was the hurt intentional or just the actions of irrational minds? I don't blame you for being fed up and unwilling to do more. Some distance sounds good. At least you know you really tried. On brighter notes, I am happy to have you visiting my blog! I'll be thinking on your question for One Question Wednesday and will post it sometime today or this evening as time allows, thanks for playing along!:-)

  3. Rob- One of them have been dx with Alziemers and takes meds for it. The other one will never get tested because he is hell bent on staying in the apartment. I feel like he is well on his way with dementia. He presents well until you are around for a couple of days . Then you see how the decline in going.

    Josie- My father in law since showing dementia seems to be more mean spirited. I'm sure it was hiding in his personility for years but without filters we are more able to see it. I think if he was thinking he would of threw it away after I left. I'm still confused to why it was thrown away. I would of rather been told they didnt like it and took it home with me than the dishonesty. I think he has always been dishonest with his feelings but really shows his ass with being more demented.
    I look forward to playing along.

  4. It just sounds awful, and I admire you so much. I can't begin to imagine all the hard work and heartbreak. I am glad you are back home, and I hope you can begin to wind down a bit.

    Have a cuddle.

    xxx P