QQW

I'm trying to get into my writers frame of mind for QQW. It has been a little harder for me to think this week so if I seem vague forgive me. Participating in this has made me think more than I usually do. It gives my brain a real work out. It also makes me really think how much do I actually want to disclose about my life in the past and makes me aware that I really don't share very deeply. Something, in time I want to change.

The first question :What is your current coping mechanism or one that you would recommend to deal with bipolar? Yaya . Yaya, one good thing with Bipolar is I realize my mood changes and nothing is ever permeant. I tell myself often it will change in time. I also try to do a lot of breathing exercises for my anxiety. Most of my life I always have practiced some sort of escapism also. Some healthy some not so healthy. I also notice when I'm off I'm not eating right either. I try to eat healthy. I try to also distract myself not to consume myself with my mood.

Second Question:Given the opportunity and you could go back in time, what would you do differently or are you happy with where you are now? (CoffeyPot) If I had to go back in time I would try not to be so impulse and indulge in so much impulsive self destructive behaviour. I also for the most part am happy with my life now and all the crap that used to be my life made me more wise and responsible. It also made me more able to deal with myself now. I have had a ton of experience making many mistakes. I also am more comfortable with myself now.

Third Question:What brought you to Canada? Weather? Bears? Or . . .? on (Rob) A relationship with a Canadian. Also the politics, civil rights. Hard to remember since the Harper government is stomping on so many at the moment.

Fourth Question: I see that you enjoy reading autobiographies, so do I! What type of people/stories do you most enjoy reading about, and if you had to choose just one, which autobiography would be your favorite(Josie 2 Shoes) I like reading about many peoples lives. From the famous to the not so famous. I think that is why I enjoy reading so many blogs about all sorts of people. My favorite autobiography was by Emily Carr called Growing Pains. Emily Carr is a Canadian writer and famous painter. A recent autobiography I read was very touching about a bipolar mother called Letters from a Bipolar Mother: Chronicles of a fractured life by Alyssa Reyans.

Fifth Question: My question is are you a morning person of does the thought of getting up early make you want to pull the covers over your head and pretend it is still night time?(Joanne Ramblings) I'm a morning person and love getting up early. Do most of my best thinking in the morning.

Last question: What's the most scared you've ever been as a result of your own actions.(The ranting monkey) Wow, this made me really cringe because I have had so many resulting from my own foolish actions. Being bipolar doesn't help either or at one time being an addict along time ago. I have so many it is hard to decide.  So, I will use something that was foolish from the present which actually has a positive message. Last year, It was in April , I had a mild heart - attack. You probably are wondering how I had any responsibility in it.  Well, I didn't pay attention to my physical health and was very sedentary all winter long. I had very bad high blood pressure that I never paid attention to and never went to the doctor in years. It is very typical how it happened. I went to clean the yard after winter time and clean up and pushed my body beyond it's limits and wasn't aware how horrible my blood pressure was. I was in denial about the whole thing until laying in a hospital bed with J looking very worried about me. J doesn't show worry. J was in crisis mode and I know that look very well. I think that is when I started to think wow it is really happening. It scared me that I had no control what so ever . I have tried to kill myself several times but had control to a certain extent. But I had no control over what was happening at the time and I felt so powerless. I really didn't want to die that way as life was OK at the time. Since, then I really monitor my blood pressure and don't try to be week-end warrior or being a human bulldozer. It made me feel very mortal and not young any more. It made me more aware that I have to take care of my health. It forced me to take care of my physical health better. Even though I'm struggling at the moment to take care of it.