Sunday, April 15, 2012


I'm trying to put the week behind me. I have been pretty emotionally tired. I also realize I need a break from my crazy life and need to reflect on the small things like this. This is a picture from my backyard in the mornings.

Lately, nothing much has excited me. I have been in survival mode with J's mood and psychosis. It has got better but I'm drained. I did manage to get tickets to something that I like very much though. In may BB. King is having a concert at the Casino near by. His concert is pretty late for this old woman so we are going to get a room and stay the night even though it is just a 2 hour drive back. I really look forward to something that is totally about me and J. Totally can't afford it but it is worth it. It seems Murphy law is working again and more things are breaking down so it was hard to justify this. It is hard to plead being broke and to do this. But, I really will enjoy it. I need it badly also. Something always in life comes up that needs to be fixed etc.

I really need to get back to the basics and enjoying the great things I have also. It seems I have all this stuff in the house that is still in the box. It is insane. I bought a Wii one year and have all these new games I haven't used. I also have Mario-Kart and a Wii fit plus I received as presents but never opened. I also really need to rat myself out about I still have a top of the line treadmill and exercise bike in it's box also. All stored away waiting for me to become active again. I finally started using my Kindle Fire that I got for x-mas last month. So, maybe their is some hope for me. I really haven't enjoyed life for about the last two years. The girls dying one summer . Then last summer my father and grandmother dying. All the other crazy shit that has been going on in between with my health to other things.
The thing is I need to just turn the page and start living again . Shit happens. Then you move on. I finally am starting to get that yearning again to live. I can feel my depression lifting. It sounds odd but I was at the store yesterday and seen pink flamingos and bought those tacky tacky birds. I had such a laugh looking at them and even more embarrassed to put them in the buggy. I haven't thought about the yard or anything in ages. Now for me to put them out today and not let them sit in a box. As, I'm coming out of my box this time of year maybe just maybe I will get the other things out of there box also. I will start small with getting back to walking so I can start running again. I need fresh air. I need to get back to me again . I really do miss me being more alive and not a fixture on the couch all winter long.


  1. You sound so much like me in not getting around to using and enjoying the things I have... a digital picture frame that I've had nearly a year and have yet to load with pictures though will love when it's done, a keyboard I longed for and have scarcely touched in a year, a few squares of a pretty afghan waiting for more to be completed, and on, and on. I think we sometimes just get overwhelmed and do nothing at all. I know I do. Surviving is important, but so is adding meaning to life. Do get out for that walk, I find fresh air is the best medicine for heart and soul. I'm going to make a stronger effort this week too. I'm also delighted that you bought those tickets, we have to reward ourselves now and then, a little splurge ocassionally will not send you to the poorhouse, and will give you something to look forward to... and report about here! :-)

  2. That's alot to recover from. But I see you aee on your way. The view out your backyard is such a work of art. Sit back there when you can. Relax as you are able. Remember to take it one thing at a time. Peace.

  3. i love pink flamingos! i hope you take a picture and post once they are out on your lawn! maybe i will get some for my yard, too (i have only a backyard, the front belongs to my landlady). but i think they would cheer me up no end!