Monday, November 9, 2009

Mixed Mood switching over to Mania

In this mixed state of mine , I feel like it is moving to just pure mania. I wanted a shift of mood but not mania. I hate full blown mania. I'm ok if I just don't do anything to agitate me but you have to live life. The more I do the more I act like a volcano of energy. I finally went and did my clothes yesterday and what a chore that was. I ended up doing them fine until they where about done. The first dryer load I folded and then I couldn't fold them any more and just shoved them into bags to do at home. I hate wrinkles and will have to iron some of them out. I tend to hate anything out of order when I'm in this mood and I'm not my laid back self.
I have been getting cat naps and that hasn't been great but at least it is sleep. I can sleep two -three hours straight and wake up . My sleep generally ends in a nightmare which wakes me up. I once had a shrink tell me nightmares tend to happen when a mood is changing. Wow, what an insight. I could have said that. I know my cycles pretty well and November is a bear for me with mania and just pure insanity no matter what I do. I can ease the insanity and do less damage but it is still there the underlying mood. I just have to have my safe guards in place like limits of money and more time outs and I try not to go around people as much as I tend to be irritable or to friendly. I do everything to an excess in this mood and have a hard time seating still.
Which brings me to I don't know how I'm going to seat for 4 hours in the truck when we go to Cambridge today. I will but it will be painful. I will be like a fidgeting little kid , yelling are we there yet. I think I will have to bring my gameboy and listen to music and try to distract myself just like you would a hyper child. Rest stops to exercise my bouncing legs. I think when we get there I will manage to stay busy and take the breaks I need and maybe it will just make me happy not to be at home which I surely think it will. Now to manage to not spend to much as I will give my partner my credit card and will only ask for it when I really need it . I will also need some time outs from my in-laws as they tend to get on my nerves also at times and that is when I will walk out and have a continual smoke break. I need to set my boundaries as they are different in this different mood. It does work though .

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