Friday, November 13, 2009


I'm back at home again and in a strange way, I'm happy. I was able to get a whole 6 hours of sleep , without interuptions. I haven't slept 6 hours straight in weeks . I was sleeping 3-4 hours straight then waking up and maybe getting a hour afterwards, or just sleeping in the day. I actually was able to stay up for evening programming last night. I'm leveling out and I really think the strict rountine and structure I get from travelling helps it. So does extra meds when I need them. I generally hate meds and what they do to me but will take them when I'm manic. They are a god send as I hate being a bouncy complusive mess that mania reduces me to. It isn't real fun for me and I feel like I'm coming out of my skin most of the time. I also noticed even though I spent a lot of money on things that I actually needed it made me sick to spend that money. It was a healthy sign and I'm out of spending mode even if I think I need it. I'm thinking about really getting back to budgeting lately and saving up money.

Christmas , is coming up and I have most of my shopping done and I'm happy that I'm not stressing at the last minute over it. I also set limits this year and hope I wont go over them like I have in the past. The less stress I make myself the less I get triggered from my mood that seems to fuel it. I was happy that I was able to find some normalcy traveling as odd as it seems puts me in a more structured frame of mind. I feel like I have a fresh slate to start on at home and to get some of that structure and rountine back here if I can. Travelling also stressed to me that I need to get out more no matter what. The sunny weather is really helping me a lot. The days are chalked with sun for the past week . What a little sun and sleep will do to a mood. I actually look forward to cooking today also. I actually don't want to isolate any longer and get out and do some grocery shopping to pick up the basics also. I want to really work on getting some more strict structure and rountine balanced with some fun. I was really reminded how much boredom fuels my negative attitude and restless nature.
Now it is time to get busy and try to live life to it's fullest and back to list making to priotize what I need to get done and some brainstorming about what to do around this small town to keep me occupied so I don't become such a malcontent and grump.

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