I'm trying to wake up this morning. I got to sleep a little to late last night. I got to sleep last night and the dog woke me up. Got up for several hours to watch rewinds of The Soup. I haven't had such a good laugh in awhile watching stupid out takes of shows. Also, had a small feast on tomatoes and a baked potato. Had a hell of a time getting back to sleep. I think I got back to sleep at about 3-4ish. Slept another 4 hours. I could of slept longer but really want to get back to some sort of routine. I will be tired by tonight and sleep like a baby hopefully.
These last few months I have lacked structure and I need it physically and emotionally to function better. I can understand why I haven't had structure in my life with everything going on in my life though. I have done my best keeping it together emotionally. It would be hell for a normal person. Sometimes, I think I'm to hard on myself. Other times, I don't think I'm hard enough. Now to strike that balance.
I'm back into a place where I just want to take care of myself. Back to wanting to get things done around the house. I'm back to wanting to eat right meaning very healthy and lose more weight. I also want to improve myself physically with exercise. Most of this is due to I feel better physically. When your body is exhausted all the time it is hard to feel like doing anything. My head also has had enough crap to last a life time. It is time to move on with my life. I'm sure I will still have grief but I'm not going to get bogged down. I still have my days and that I accept. I'm back to being thankful for my good days and not being resentful about "Why does this shit happen to me" I have came to the conclusion no one really ever will take care of me except myself. It really is true for anyone though. I have watched for years my mother take care of everyone else except for herself and is having a hell of a time taking care of herself. I have fell down pretty hard this year and expected another person to take care of me and was very disappointed when they couldn't live up to my expectations. That is because I wanted that person to take care of me like I take care of myself and others. I do a much better job but found out maybe I was putting to much of an expectation of that person that can barely take care of their self . Anyway, it is much better to rely on yourself because people come and go through a lifetime.
I forgot myself over the past months starting with my shoulder acting up again and started to become depended. My mood ran down with misc. things. I think I'm getting back though with where I was before all this crap happened though stronger and hopefully more wise. I will get there again. I'm looking forward to life again and I have always had the knack of when life kicks you in the teeth of always getting up again . It might take longer than I like but I have always managed because that is what sort of person I'm.