Monday, July 4, 2011

Crazy Month

I don't know where to start. It has been a hectic crazy month . The past two weeks have been a hellish and like a rollercoaster. I just got back from my trip to see the in-laws. We actually stayed longer than we wanted to due to circumstances that arose during our stay. If you don't know my in-laws are in their 90's. Which lends various crisis for that age group. We really didn't want to visit either but out of a sense of duty ,respect and love , we do. We visit every couple of months to see how they are getting along and do the things they need us to do.

The first night we where visiting in that area they didn't even know we where in town. We keep it that way to get settled etc. The second day J had an event to go to but they knew we where there. That is the night we get the call. J's mum was picked up by the paramedics. The story goes H- J's mum had a lot of stomach pain tried to get on the toilet and fell. B-J's father couldn't get her up being very frail. She also lost all control of her bowels falling and made a very huge mess.
He had no clue what happened to H so paniced and called 911. After he called 911 and was inroute to the hospital he called us to meet him there. We ended up at the hospital before the ambulance. We walked in with H being pushed on the stretcher. We didn't know if H was in serious or critical condition at all but J looked at the ekg strip and said her heart was fine. J was a CCU nurse for 25 years. Made us worry a lot less .

Anyway, we started to think we had more of an elderly crisis on our hands. J did a real good job at talking with the nurse and that is when our visit for a couple of days turned into a week. We sat in the emergency room for 12 hours before they admitted H to do many test and also hold her till services outside the hospital was arraigned. So she ended up staying about 2 days at the hospital because it was a week-end and the proper personel needed to be set up for her discharge. H suffered from a Hiatal hernia . The real problem that brought her to the hospital was J's parents not being able to completely take care of themselves. H is severly demented and totally unable to take care of herself. B, takes care of H. B is very elderly and can't hardle walk but does the best he can. Neither one of them will accept outside help and have a hell of a time living. Both H and B are very resistant to change and won't go to a nursing home. Well , because of all this they are now in the system set up with Home Health and both hating it. Last week they had many services visit the home. It was like one person after another coming in. They kept repeating we can do it ourselves. We kept repeating no you cant and just tried to set up the services anyway. It was a real fight day after day. To get them to accept the services they need. We even got H- daycare for the elderly once a week which is better than nothing. I was impressed how the system moved so fastly and they have a total umbrella of services to keep them in their home.

It took it's toll on us especially the first night staying up for over 24 hours and working on little sleep. The night before that the puppy kept us up being afraid of the hotel room. So for like 3 nights we got less than 10 hours of sleep with various things. The poor dogs had to stay in the truck overnight at the hospital. It just really stayed busy the whole visit. We even had to book to more days at the hotel. We spent so much money related to this visit of staying in a hotel and having to provide all of our own meals this ate up our vacation money for this summer. We weren't even really thanked either. My in-laws aren't even anywhere near poor either. Anyway, what elderly person with some dementia and the other completely demented want to be forced out of the home or take serices when they are so delusional they think they can do it. I guess what makes me mad is how illogical they are and have no judgement. It is like fighting with a mentally ill person in an episode. They come across crazy. I say crazy as a generic term. I should say delsunional. The week was stressful to say the least.

We have been sweating about money and home repairs. This week didn't help with that extra stress. We pretty much where to the point of giving up and getting worse in debt. We would say what is some more debt load since it is so overwhelming anyway.
Then, I get a phone call from my mother. This made us cry. She told me she was going to give me some inheritance money. I wasn't expecting this. Told her to not worry about giving me any money from my father in the past month. Told her I wanted her to live the best life possible. Well, I will be recieving a little money probaly enough to get some of our kitchen remodeled. It really took some of the stress load off. It was almost if that was one thing out of this terrible month that had a silver lining to it. I really didn't expect it. She is also gathering 2 boxes of some of my fathers things to send me also. One box is stuff of my grandmothers also. She also ordered me a small urn that has my father's ashes in it so I'm honoured.

I have spoke to my mother everyday since the death of my father. I have watched her grieve so much. It has been a great growing experiance in our relationship making us closer and more vulnerable to each other. It also has made me realize the greater meaning of being there for someone and giving till it hurts. I have gave my mother my paycheck last month to help with her expenses and etc. That hurt but it hurts me more watching my mother live without money that she is accustomed to and not a poor lifestyle. She now has most of the estaste tooking care off and has the money that will keep her into old age hopefully. I have been poor in the past and so has my parents and we just dread the hell out of ever having to live that way again. Poor isn't bad per say. It just really limits your choices and makes people make bad decision.

I have been home for almost three days now and I'm so tired emotionally and physically. I have been trying to rest and get back to some sort of rountine. It has been hard. I feel like my head is totally baked or like a bowl of jelly. Now I have my life to deal with and it is overwhelming the amount of stuff I have to get done and the things I want to do. I will chunk it down and get what I have to get done little by little. Now is the hard part finding the motivation to get anything done. What helps with motivation?


  1. What helps with motivation? Knowing that you just have to do something. Just as you have been doing, with you mom and in-laws.
    I've been through similar things with my parents and in-laws (all deceased now). It wasn't easy, especially since I live in the west, my parents were in the east, and I'm their only child. I did what I had to do.
    The important thing is that, when the crisis is over, you need lots of "you time." But from what I've been reading (backwards, from your most recent to older posts), the "you time" hasn't been very great. No great at all. Or even close, for that matter. As in hardly getting any truly restful rest.
    Blessings and Bear hugs. Yeah, it ain't easy.

  2. Thanks, for the words of wisdom. I do need a good rest. It isn't easy. It is getting easier though. Thanks, for reading my ramblings.