Bubble Thoughts / Social Anxiety

I'm not going to be politically correct in my post. I'm sure this might be offensive to someone. My bubble thoughts aren't postive when I'm in a store. They are very angry at times and can be illogical. I stumbled on to a blog the other day about Social Anxiety and other stuff. I haven't thought about social anxiety in awhile because I either go out or just don't. I have that option in life. I live in a smallish town and not even in town. I have been away from the city for a couple of years now and sort of live in seclusion by my own choice. It is very safe for me and my moods and anxiety for the most part. Even the people where I live hate the tourist. Most of the time I don't care one way or another. It is something you have to accept as the town I live in swells to a staggering size in the summer because people have cottages or as I would say vacation homes. I live in the summer hell of what people call Cottage Country.

The stores are jammed packed in the summer . It is like christmas shopping season. Shoulder to Shoulder. Trying to find parking is so hard. I end up hoarding and stocking up before tourist season. I ran out of fire sticks for my Big Green Egg. If you don't know what a Big Green Egg is , It is a bbq . Google it or ask your husband as they probaly want one or are drooling over one. You can't use petroluem products with it. It is recommened that you use Lump Charcoal that is their brand as it is very clean burning. I've tried other brands and it doesnt taste right to me. Anyway, I ran out of my supply of fire sticks. Only really two places in town that has them at a decent price. Canadian Tire and Walmart. The only two stores really in town that sells anything. Other stores are more boutiques. I thought I would go to walmart. I thought I would run in and just buy that as I thought they had one of those check your own self out lines. Well, another problem I have with Walmart is I go in for one thing and have a basket of things. I just can't buy one thing. It was so hot yesterday. Got in the store it was a little cooler. I thought oh some relief until I started walking around. Not much cooler than outside. They don't like to use their AC. I go blank in the store. The hoardes of people blow my mind. I think about just leaving. I tell myself no as I just have to get these fire sticks or no dinner for awhile. I get distracted in the one section after another. I look and put things that I think I need in the basket. I'm looking around and think to myself and get mad that the selection they have in the summer is not available to residents in the winter. Also, what is available in the winter is at a higher price. I'm already getting angry thinking about this and have to drive about 200 miles round trip to get a selection and prices. I can feel myself getting a little more angry and angry. I finally get to the camping section of the store. I try to look for fire sticks and someone is blocking the whole damm section with their cart and children like they are the only person that is shopping in the store. The menality of the tourist around here is very terrible. They go on hoilday and forget simple manners as it seems with many of their actions. I finally shove in to try to find what I'm looking for and not trip over a screaming bored brat playing in the isle. Oh, I was so hot no fire sticks. The problem with the Walmart in our area is it is aways picked over and trying to find something on the shelf is hard as the hoardes of people pick it clean. I can understand that but freaking restock once in awhile. My frustrration is running pretty high now. I march through the store like a wild beast. I feel that way anyway. I just walk real quickly trying to get my cart and myself OUT. I pick up some G2 as is is so hot outside and most people in this area have no AC. I have to keep myself very hydrated during this time. Get distracted again in the produce department with the wonderful sales of fruit. I'm pissed off again almost everything is rotted. Think I find one acceptable thing of strawberrys. Look for a line. They have about 4-5 lines open out of all the check outs. Most of those lines are 12 items and less. Leaving lines that are huge. I'm amazed how they can't open a damm line. It makes me so mad as I'm hot and hate crowds. Didn't even get want I wanted but an over priced basket of shit. I count how many items I have in the cart . I have 14. I said fuck it. I'm in the 12 item line. I have the tendency to pick the worst line. Well, I got in the worst line. It doesn't help the cashier is trying to get people to apply for a Walmart master card. I'm thinking come on lady just freaking check people out. The family in front of us clearly had a cart load and not 12 items or anywhere near 12 items. They are farting around , the kids are climbing all over the place etc. The woman was the most offensive. Slow putting the items on the counter, shopping still for trashy gossip mags, etc. I'm thinking she is a creature of walmart. It didn't help that she shoved her huge fat ass in a pair of spandex stretch pants and a tight stained white t-shirt. I'm overwieght and I would never try to put my fat ass in tiny spandex pants. It is just offensive to see every dimple on someones ass. She would make the people of walmart pictures. I'm thinking some pretty awful thoughts like stupid inbreed white trash with a huge ass. It didn't help the matter they did the shopping in two orders and her order was a shit load of candy bars and gossip magazines. I'm thinking honey you don't need another candy bar. Have you looked at your ass or stomach lately. Also, what you read will just destroy that last brain cell you have. It is such junk. I'm judging this woman because she is being a pain in the ass and pushed a cart right back at me when she was done. Not considring anyone else besides herself. She is holding up the line trying to juggle her 20lb purse that is a hell of a mess. I'm thinking how sloppy she is. Take that mess of a purse and get the fuck out of my way. Go make your overweight kids heavier with all those cookies, candy bars etc. Feed them more so they are so hyper already and I have to be subjected to this out in public. Well, I finally get to check out and do it fast. Tell the woman kindly and abruptly NO I don't want a master card. We have enough credit. Manage to get out of the hell of Walmart. Go across the street to Crappy Tire. Find what I want. Got some other purchases as they are getting rid of summer things at real great purchases. Come across a real great lifejacket for J. I told J to put it on. I help with the straps and take out all my anger on the straps as I forgot J was inside the lifejacket and tighten it so much J was so uncomfortable. It felt good. We had a laugh and move on. We start to go to check out and I see the solar spotlights I bought not long ago for half the price I bought them. It kind of makes me angry at myself for not waiting to the end of the season to buy them. But I really needed the lights at night to see the puppy. J said don't we need more . We did and got them at a awesome price. Well when I was talking to J. One of J's enemies hear J's voice. The pitbull bitch swings her head around. J gets delight because this person is so petty to be holding a grudge. She looks like a hackled dog looking at J. J just smiles and we have a good laugh that J can still get under this persons skin 15 years after J hasn't worked with this person. It is just crazy.J has known this person for over 30 years. No one much cares for this person either. I'm not going to get into this exactly because I don't want to say where this person works as this is a small place and can be figured out. This person must be crazy to keep a petty grudge against many people. She is a miserable person also. We finally get into line. Most check outs are closed and moving slow. That is one reason I don't like going to crappy tire in this area becausee they are SLOW. Always have been also. I ask J has this place always hired retarded people. They aren't mentally challenged but sometimes I wonder. It isn't brain surgery to run a cash register and bag quickly.
Cool down in the truck with the AC on full blast. Swear not to go out again until I really feel like it and have the patients for it and not the anxiety that was in me that day. Soemtimes, I just have to be annoyed and have my nasty thoughts. I just have to do thinks sometimes. Also, note to self stock up more.