Tuesday, August 3, 2010

The Other Shoe Has Fell Off

I thought I would do an update since I have been gone for awhile. A lot has happened since, I last posted. I did manage to clean up some of the pig pen aka house for my relatives to visit. I did it in whirlwind speed. It reminded me not to procrastinate as it just causes a ton of anxiety. I then had a hectic but fun week with my family. To be honest , I'm not used to being that busy. I think I scheduled everything to do in the region, we live in a week, which is to much but they liked it. At the same time we had company the dog got sick. We thought she had some type of UTI. We took her to the vet last Tuesday. She was dxed with acute leukemia. X-rays revealed she had a enlarged spleen and most of her organs where damaged. She was seven. Even taking her to the vet being sick she was the vibrant dog she always was. Licking the vets feet and pulling to say hello to other dogs and people. It was a shock when we had to put her down. She just showed signs of her illness during the last week of her life. She had sudden onset. I was curious about that since she had a physical the month before and was fine. So, basically we lost 2 dogs in the period of 3 months. I was just getting over my mixed mood and depression when this happened and life looked up. Things where going well. I actually started to live again. My trudging was starting to be in the past. I'm back to trudging again but differently this time. The grief is to much this time and I try to ignore it as the thought these weren't only just mere dogs; they where my immediate family that I have spent years with and a lot of good and bad times with. I will get over it and have managed to stay busy. I just can't go back to that dark place where I was for the past three months with the death of Spud. Our young dog Flora was so full of life it is kind of a tribute to that dog to keep trudging along and living. I allowed myself a good three days to just totally fall apart and go on a binge drunk. It didn't solve a thing and made me feel worse.
J is Bipolar also. She has took this worse than ever expected. Her mood has been starting to change for the worse. She has been experiencing psychosis and has had to increase her anti-psychotic. I'm trying to be the rock in the storm now as both of us really can't go insane. I have increased the structure in the house and have started running it really tightly. I have started running again to relieve the stress of all of this and handle it in a more approtaite way than a scotch bottle. The remaining dog loves to run also and it burns off the anxiety . Brett the Brittany has been showing his ass since the girls have died and I have had to show him who is top dog and it isn't him. He is coming along and dogs like to have discipline as it shows them they are safe. Life goes on as I tell myself and in time it will be better .

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