Monday, August 9, 2010

Ramblings of a mad woman

I have been sitting here reflecting over this past week. I love the morning as it is so quiet around the house . I drink my coffee and listen to the local radio at low volume. The local radio station really stinks but it gives local news and the weather. Sometimes, there contest amuses me. It generally is a simple trivia question or a clip of a song from the 60's 70's or 80's to guess at. What makes me giggle is the prizes won. I think you win a water bottle and get your name thrown in for a end of a week raffle for a buffet at the local Chinese food place. I'm used to radio stations giving better prizes. Oh what fun it is to live in a small tourist town.
I have been doing OK this past week. I have had productive days and not so productive days. I still struggle with daily life but it is getting better. I tell myself that anyway. I managed to run four days out of the seven. I wanted to run every day. I find the motivation to run hard. Actually, I find the motivation to do most things hard lately. It hasn't been so bad though and I have got a lot of things done. I think I want to have the feeling of natural motivation but it isn't going to happen. Sometimes, it is like pulling teeth to get me to do the things need to be done. It is even harder for J to get anything done and that is what I'm struggling with lately. J does nothing except sleep and drink and it is getting on my nerves. I hate being totally responsible for everything. I could bitch and whine about J but it solves nothing. I'm pretty irritated with J lately though. I know in time it will get better but the thing is when. It has been about three crazy weeks with J. It was just getting better until we received Flora's ashes back in an urn the other day. It is very morbid and I will have to look for a place in the house where the urn isn't in our face. I would of preferred her ashes in a box to be buried in the back yard. I wouldn't mind burying the urn but it seems pretty expensive to just bury.
Anyway, I hope this weeks weather holds up . I want to get on with life. I really don't care what else is going on with anyone at the moment . I have to take care of myself. I need to get back to golfing, swimming, and projects around the house. Being mentally ill myself and having to take care of someone that is mental ill can often take a toll. The best thing anyone that takes care of someone that is having episodes is to take care of their selves. I'm not getting in the middle of any crap and that is when I detach. In the past I have tried to stop taking care of everything and it backfires on me as some things just drive me nuts and I have to do them because it effects my life and comfort. I just won't be doing extra things or go out of my way to do things. My life has to go on even when life seems to be unfair lately.


  1. Sometimes it's hard to find the motivation to get out of bed - but once you've done that than you've got one on the illness for the day is what I've found. Get on with life and live.

  2. I agree about your comment. It is finally getting easier to get out of bed.