Monday, August 23, 2010


I'm not a happy camper. Everything is breaking down in this house. This week-end the newish cordless phone went out and so did the coffee pot that is less than a couple of months old. Did I save the box or warranty. The answer is NO. I thought they would last more than a couple of months. I get pissed nothing is made with quality anymore. It isn't like I bought cheap things either. The coffee pot is Faberware and I have no idea what the phone is but it wasn't cheap. To make things worse the oven has went out about two weeks ago. I don't want to have that fixed until I get the stove fixed. They are two separate units that I want to only call one service person and have to wait till the counter top stove that I want to purchase is within my reach. Now I won't wait for a coffee pot or cordless phone. I have been using the antique rotary phone. Yeah, we really have one of those old ones on the wall. I hate it but it is better than nothing. I haven't much spoke on the phone for the last four days because of it. Just to talk to J and bitch. It goes through one of J's ear out the other. I have been trying to argue with J but I'm not getting anywhere. I'm a little pissed at J also. It has been along four days by myself and nothing has went well. It also has rained buckets so I have cabin fever on top of everything breaking down. I haven't ran using the pouring rain as an excuse. I miss seating outside also. The dog did though recover from eating a box of bran buds. He was awfully smelly for about 2 days. He is back to him self.
J gets home today . I'm more glad about having transportation than J being back home. Like I said I'm pissed at J. I have had a ton of time to think about our relationship and it isn't the best at the moment. I get tired of the same old shit that happens year after year. I never have accepted the fact no one changes and I have to accept it or move on. I probably won't move on but I have to accept J. I have to remind myself I have to do what is best for me and sometimes that is to detach , move back and take care of myself and only concentrate on my needs for a change. I'm such a caretaker with J that I have lost myself in many ways. When I'm alone it shows me how selfish and self-centered J is. It also shows me how J takes no responsibility for anything . I feel like it is my fault since I do everything around here and make all the decisions. Lately, I have felt J is not very able to do things. Oh, I'm so wrong as J finds ways when I'm not around and is very functional without me . It pisses me off because I ask myself why can't J be like that around the house. My answer is J is lazy and can get away with it around here so why would J be any different. Oh it eats at me lately. With everything falling apart, my mood and the irritation with J sometimes I just want to scream.

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