The Beat Goes On

I woke up about an hour ago and I have been checking different social media and catching up on blogs. It has been a whirlwind past couple of days and I'm tired. We have been out of town taking care of J's elderly parents. J's parents are 90. J's mother has Senile Dementia and her father has a hard time getting around. They need to be in a nursing home but won't go. I voice my concerns to J and bite my tongue in front of my in-laws. We took H the mother to get her hair done since it hasn't been done in months and she looked like a homeless person. She ended up in a panic attack at first and didn't want to go. After, we loaded her in the truck she stopped and went calmly and got her hair done. We also did all their shopping and misc around the house. For three days we where consumed by them except at night. The motel had a bar and we went there every night having three drinks until the last night. I was at my wits end and just got roaring drunk. I haven't been drunk in awhile. It made the 5 hour drive home horrible. The drinking has made my mood dull. I really need to come up with something else than drinking when we have to go to Cambridge. One good thing is I haven't much thought about my life in the past couple of days.

I have so much to do before it snows or hits November. I'm still in the process of winterizing. When the sun is up it is helpful with my mood but it is predicted to rain all next week which is going to be interesting. October is an interesting month for my mood as it is changing like the colours on the trees and blowing all over the place like the wind that cleans the tree's to a barren state. I'm hoping my mood won't bottom out next month. With the grey bare ground and bare trees where it looks like death . My mood gets flat and dead also. It is nice to know what my mood is going to do but it is also sad to know also that I will be so flat . I will try different things but it won't help that much.

Angry Ramblings

I'm on a roll lately keeping this blog updated with my ramblings. I have so many lately. I hate to admit this but I'm still angry from yesterday. Part of it is mood. Part of it is things like what happened at the dealership happen so much where I live , it upsets me. Part of it is that I view J with no backbone as this is not a random incident at this place and the list goes on. Another big part of it is that it wasted my day. I was so caught up with my anger that I forgot to do many of the things I needed to do. My number one pet peeve is not being on time or anything time related. You could almost say I'm OCD about time and if you want to make me over the top mad waste my time, don't be on time or anything that has to do about wasting my time. I find it to be very disrepectful. I'm a very punctucal person always showing up on time . I'm actually early every where I go because I fear not being on time. Anything, time related gives me anxiety. Not a little either. I have tried to overcome my rigid time rules but nothing has worked and frankly I think being on time with anything is a good thing. Better yet if you can't be on time , be honest about it and I can rearrange what ever comes up. I'm not a total time nazi and when a person is honest about why they can't be on time or what the hold up is I can accept it.

I have a lot of time on my hands any more. The thing lately is my time isn't used wisely. I have been trying to be more structured lately and my time matters a ton. I'm working as fast as I can not to have the other shoe fall off and be mental for about three months. I'm going to try to get over my anger today. I need to get over it to be productive. I will probaly have to do something like more yard work to get out some of the energy the anger has build up.

The Worst Ford Dealership

I'm fuming mad. We took the truck into the dealership today in Parry Sound. They only have one. They are so inept. The times they quote to get anything done is so beyond anything I have ever experienced. We took the truck in a 1pm and got it back around 3:30pm. Just to check the brakes, and do a oil change. Oh they where suppose to do a tune-up but they said it didn't need one. Weird to me because in the service schedule it says it needs one. What ever it is the squeals still squeals and they where suppose to take care of that and didn't. I thought the economy was in a recession and this dealership will let your vechile go to shit before they catch it. It has to jump out and bite them on the ass. I seen the parts manager barely able to operate a computer. J has been doing business with this dealership for 35 years and doesn't know what has happened. A oil change cost 80.00 in the states the same service cost around 24.00. If it where my truck I would never subject it to the local rubes that operate the place. They do shitty work and won't even do the work you order on it. I could say many mean things about the staff but I will refrain and stick to the subject of how fucked up the service and repairs are. I'm really pissed they didn't fix what needed to be fixed and wasted my time. I have tons of shit to do and not staying in the horrid town doing shit like looking at what they claim to be local art and trolling the local book store that has nothing in it except a small section of books and Canadian artist. I can get the same books on-line for half the price and a better selection. It amazes me that any of the shops stay in business as I won't pay the high prices for tourist crap and shitty service. I shop out of town and order off the net. I won't give my money to many local business because they are so crappy when it comes to product and service. I could go on and on but it only makes me rant more.
If J keeps taking the truck there she will have to do it herself and I will loose all respect for her. As, they take advantage and don't deserve her patronage.

Season Change...Mood Change

I can feel autumn in the air. The pretty colours of the trees are bright. Yellows, reds, gold and burgundy light up the landscape. It has been nice and sunny lately. Every wonderful fall something happens that isn't so wonderful. My mood changes and not for the better. My mood picks up to only drop into a nasty vicious mixed mood. I'm not mixed at the moment but I know it will come by November and stay until about Januarary. My moods are highly predicatable but not the severity.

I try to busy myself waiting for the other shoe to drop off . I know I will be paralyzed with depression and mania. I plan for this mood and try to take the burden off some of the things I have to do. It isn't working like I want it to at the moment as I'm so scattered. I try to get things done anyway. I prepare for the winter and also as I prepare for the winter I prepare for things to come such as becoming a hermit for months and not wanting to get out. I'm hoping to possible get my SAD light next week. If it doesn't come through I will buy one as I don't want to suffer the light changes that make my moods worse. I have already started on my vitamin D and a complex B vitamin to give me some natural energy as my energy is a flip of a coin on any given day. I really need to start my exercise back up also. I have been trying to be real structured as it is real important bracing for the blackness that I experiance. All, the little things count . I tell myself that anyway. Just like seasons come and go . I know my moods come and go also.

House Cleaning Fairy

I need a house cleaning fairy. I have a ton of crap to do before winter. I don't have much time as winter will be knocking at the door very soon. I have a way of doing what I want than what needs to be actually done. Yesterday, I bought more tulips since the ones I planted last year came out so good. Some of the tulips and bulbs I bought are Canadian Liberators, Lover's Blend tulips, Muscari, Dark Eyes, Crocous, and more daffodils. The lover's blend is a colour blend of purples and pinks with white in them. They look so pretty. The Canadian Liberators are red and I have a story from last year about them in this blog around the same time last year. Flowers are something simple that make me happy. Yesterday, when I mowed and groomed the area where I would be planting them. I found out I couldn't find my little shovel. I looked everywhere. I gave up and will just buy another one today. I usually put my stuff up. I have been so scattered lately it could be right in front of me and bite me in the ass . I have not been grounded at all and it feels like my head isn't attached. I really need to screw it back on and be a little more grounded to get what I need to around here. I put a little dent in winterizing yesterday. I had a ton of errands to do also. It might have not been the best thing to take a little vacation last week. I have so much to get done and left the house looking like it exploded before we left. I did however finally get everything unpacked and put away. I didn't get around to it for about three days. Mood permeanting I'm generally some what organized. When my mood is a little off, I guessing a little hypo moving into manic. I'm a wreck. I can't connect the dots or remember where I put anything. The concentration isn't there. I work harder at everything I do. Minial task are easy enough to do but I need more complex task done like tackling some of the organzitational problems in this house at the moment.

We are getting another puppy at the end of the month. Her name is Daisy and she is an English Golden Retriever. She is what is pressing me to get things put up. Or she will probaly chew the hell out of them. I have already pulled out the crate to set it up when I get more room in the kitchen . I just have to move some stuff around. I also found out the dog gate is a mess and will need to be rebuilt or I will have to buy something else. I know less stress and order is needed when getting a new puppy and I'm working hard at getting things a little better.