Sunday, August 21, 2011

Venting

I really don't know exactly what to write about so I will just let my mind flow. I have been sort of flat the past couple of days. I slept all day yesterday just to wake up to see a lame movie on TV then drift back to sleep. I love lazy week-ends where I do nothing at all except eat and sleep. It is very relaxing for me.

Most of time I feel a little overwhelmed with life and sometimes pretty angry with some of the things that have been going on with my relationship with J. J is gone for 4 days and is expected back Monday. Part of me is so glad J is gone that means less work and aggravation. I have no one to wait on except myself. No one to argue with except people on my facebook. It really is actually nice. Part of me is very pissed at J for being so worthless around the house but can do a 4 day hobby and function. J doesn't function very well around the house and is always bitching about mood or something physical. If I don't do it around the house it doesn't get done period. I have stopped asking J to do anything and the very few things that I ask J to do J forgets. It is always about J's mental illness. Switching pills etc. To be honest nothing has worked very well with J. J doesn't realize a pill isn't a cure. You have to do the hard stuff also like take care of yourself , be proactive etc. Sitting on the couch day after day won't do it.

It is a nice vacation away from J. My company is better to be honest. The TV isn't on 24 hours a day. I don't have to wait till a programme is over to do something or schedule something around a TV programme etc. I have been a little board though because I don't have a car to do anything and feel a little trapped. I could be getting more done with a car also doing errands. I have noticed being by myself how isolated I'm and I'm going to have to change that and get more involved with activities and start just doing things by myself even if I have to ride J's ass to give me a ride.It is pretty amazing to me that I was an avid golfer and haven't golfed once this year. I think I will golf next week. I really hate my isolated existence. Something has to blow over and it starts with me.

2 comments:

  1. Kristy, I am really glad to hear that you are gaining a better sense of independence with your mini holiday to self, as i like to put it. I have also found that when I'm alone if hubby is away, I am suddenly opened up to new attitudes and more active hobbies. Weird... I'm not sure why that is. Maybe because our previous routine gets interrupted so we end up remaking it based on what we actually want deep down? I am sorry about your friction with J. It's so tough to live along side a mental illness. Stay strong. Xo

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  2. I think I think a lot when J isn't here and really see how screwed up I have let things get. It motivates me to change and yearn for the things I once did. It is like a good reality check and gets me out of my rut doing the things that really matter plus it is just easier to get things done(lol) I have a bunch of change for the better soon.

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