Fragmented

I have been thinking about blogging. I have had a lot emotionally going on. My head lately has been on the muddled side and fragmented to an extend. I think in incomplete sentences lately. it doesn't much make for a good blog post. It doesn't hurt my head that much as I deal with it and pretty much live in my own head. You would need to know me well to get me when my mind is like this in person .

, I have been getting a ton of stuff done around the house. I have been actually having success with list. Generally, I don't have any success with them. I have broke down big jobs down to little things and it helps my muddle brain stay on track about 80 percent of the time. Sometimes, I get so distracted I do other things that aren't on my list that also need to get done. I feel a sense of accomplishment when I can mark the things on my list done. I'm in the mist of trying to get everything organized and super clean in my house and in my life. In the last year I have let everything go to hell. It truly isn't like me to let everything go to hell either no matter what kind of space I'm emotionally or physically. But it is time to move on and pick up the pieces and be more motivated even when I lack it. I think it is more depressing to just give up like I have. Giving up grows on its self. I still trudge but at least I'm not sinking completely. I still have my days with my grief but gradually it is getting better. In no way it is perfect as nothing in life is. I guess I wish life at times would be a little bit more cut and dry. It isn't especially if your Bipolar. It can be interesting. Some days, I vacillate from taking care of myself lately with running and swimming, eating right and doing all the right things to getting stupid drunk and making an ass out of myself. Over indulging on consumption of the computer also to hide from life. I have liked distraction and have been trying to get out of it. I cancelled one of my facebook accounts that I was active on. I have moderated my drinking more so it isn't so out of control when I'm triggered by anxiety or whatever.

It hasn't been near perfect but I'm slowly learning to deal with what I have been dealt lately. I have been under extreme stress with many things. Some to lengthy to really get into and same of the same ole shit. I just want to start to be not so extreme in anything I do and have more of a balance. I have a hard time with an all or nothing attitude at times. Life comes up all the time and I just need to deal with it the best I can. It seems when I try to get structured I fret if I don't do the same things day after day.

I have went on rambling to long.