A blessing

The oddest thing happened yesterday . It is actually something fantastic.  Let me weave you a story. This is more of J's story than my own. As most people know J is very sick and dying slowly. J went to her doctor recently for an interaction with her blood pressure pills.Also , to see if she was trudging along. The doctor knows J fairly well. Asked J for the first time how her mood was. J is bipolar also. J answered terrible . She was severely depressed but didn't want to ask for help with it as she can't take anti-depressants . So NO she didn't want to go to see the psychiatrist. The doctor then asked if she wanted to be referred to see a therapist. She said sure it couldn't hurt even if it didn't help. It went through J's mind that I called her doctor and told him how depressed and despondent she has been. I didn't do anything of the sort. J's mental illness is hers to treat or not treat even if it can be hell. I did tell J that she needed a therapist since she isn't sharing  her pain with me or anyone. J has shut everyone out completely.


The doctor said someone would get a hold of her. A couple of days went by and J was irritated no one called yet. We where watching a show in the afternoon. J's phone rang. I asked if she knew the number and she didn't. She turned down the tv so she could hear. I could hear that she was talking to some lady but then I knew who that lady was. It was Js old therapist that moved out of the area . It was A. I thought A was totally out of Js life. J went to A for 5 y ears and then A moved out of the area and J never thought in a million years she would ever see her again. J's mentally health went down the drain when A moved away. She went through a string of half assed therapist that really did nothing to help and the doctors dwindled to most not even coming to this satellite area. We live in a very rural area where mental health is sub-contracted out and we get visiting psychiatrist once a month from Toronto. The therapy was such a mess at the one clinic.They offer it now at that the main doctors offices. They now employ three women that aren't in anyway affiliated with the mental health clinic. The Therapist that called J was back in town and working with the doctors office and she seen J's name and asked if she could take her as a client.We where just floored that A was back in town.

The day before J said if A was here things might be brighter. She never thought in a million years A would be back and that was wishful thinking. Well I'm so relieved that A is back. J has very terrible trust issues and never would get down deep enough with anyone else. I asked J the other day wouldn't it be nice to resolve some of your issues so you would be happier. J answered me , "Why would I want to resolve my issues ?' ' I'm dying'. My issues no longer matter. I just didn't know what to say to J. I just said maybe you might be at peace with yourself as clearly you aren't and are very angry. Maybe, who ever you get will help you with the stages of death and not get stuck in one of those 5 stages. J is stuck in anger. Nothing helps with Js angry mood. I have been at a complete loss on J's mood and needs. I have felt so totally helpless and hopeless when it comes to J's emotional well-being.

A really is an angel. It makes me teary to think that she is back. Happy tears , that J has an outlet for her well-being. Js trust has been broke severely with therapist in this area. Help has eluded J for many years when it comes to decent care both mentally and physically. Even about 7 years ago J went to the states for help with her substance abuse issues as it was hopeless here. I could write a book on what useless fill in the blank . help is here and lack of and you better get your big girls pants out because your on your own in this area. Anyway, A really is a blessing . I never thought blessings happen to us but out of no where and no hope A  has came back for the end of J's life as she was there for the first couple of years for Js venture in the mental health area. If it wasn't for A's foundation J would of succumbed to her bipolar years ago.