Project Christmas

I have made Christmas into a little project for my self. It seems I like projects and it distracts me from my mood. I got all my Christmas shopping done before December with a click of a mouse. So much cheaper to ship since everything I give is shipped to someone. Most places even have free shipping to Canada this time of year also. I use American web sights for the Americans on my list. I think it took me a hour  to shop for 6 people. I also bought me some gifts as well. The one for you one for me thing.

I finally got my tree done and cards all sent out. Actually even put up more decorations. I haven't decorated in 3 years. Did most of my grocery shopping for Christmas yesterday. Since it is just me and J on Christmas. I asked J what reminded her of x-mas . I thought myself and bought stuff that I could fix that where in both our traditions . J is second generation Brit. I don't feel like a Christmas pudding but bought a easy mix for it. I also don't bake. Problem solved order cookies from the bakery. I'm not going to slave over shortbread type cookies. I did say although I would be willing to try to make rum balls. I like cooking but loath baking or candy making. My favorite thing about the holidays is snacking. I don't much care for turkey. So I bought J a thigh and a drumstick to get her turkey fix. That is what she likes. I like ham. Bought a easy to fix spiral ham for sandwiches and other meals. Easy to freeze also when sick of all the ham, i like making salads, and trays of cheeses , dips, snacks, seafood. Anything pickled also. It is my time of gluttony when it comes to food. I will pay the price and end up on a diet in Jan and a membership to the gym. To me though it is worth it. I only do this once a year.

Project Christmas also makes me really clean the house. I like that it does because my mood is shit in November and December. It also makes me pamper myself. Which I really don't do. I cashed in all my points from the drug mart and bought me perfume. I got a 85 dollar of perfume for free. I received 105 dollars credit. I put the rest towards another 65 dollar bottle of perfume. So I got myself cheap perfume which would of been a burden otherwise. I also treated my stress out and in pain self to a two hour massage. I generally only get a hour massage that really focuses on on my shoulders. .Two hours and I got places poked and rubbed that I never knew hurt. I have been in a better mood every since. I'm still a little sore though from the rub but it is a good sore as it really released a lot of tension and the break up of scar tissue.

It made me ignore the fact the microwave went out and the call to the plumber to get the air out of our water system after the water froze. It also made me ignore that the tv is on it's last leg. I heard myself say oh well it's life. Went out and bought a new microwave and tv. It kind of made me sad that I had to dig into some money that shouldn't be touched. But was happy I could replace it. I'm not going to let anything bum me until after the holidays and hopefully I will make myself tackle another project as it seems to keep me from my negative neurotic self.

Pink

I was wondering what I was doing last year in December so I checked out my blog. We where remodeling our house. Spent 15 days here last December it was a horrible motel. Take a look. Pink walls will all kinds of sports junk on the walls. I have to say this year is much tamer even if I'm not feeling it.

I really didn't do anything for Christmas last year except unpack the house and get it in order. We had our bathroom gutted and kitchen remodeled . Funny thing the house is a mess right now. I can count on my house being a mess every winter as my mood is crap. I have been gradually cleaning it up again. The snow does help my mood as it makes it brighter. We have been getting snow gradually and for that I'm fortunate.

I haven't been to the store in a week. The last time I went I about threw up. I don't cry so when I get overwhelmed with anxiety I gag and throw up. I feel this is a much better week to go shopping and hopefully I wont get overwhelmed with all the people and forget half of the stuff I went shopping for. I hate wasting gas since I don't live in town . The weather also varies much from where I live to town also. But I have been making smaller trips to avoid the crowds and overwhelming anxiety.

Can't wait to get more snow so I can do some cross country skiing. My ski's are very dusty. I haven't used them in I think 2 winters.

On the last note my cat has been driving me insane. I switched her food to a grain free wet food and she hates it. She meows and tries to break things all the time. She is gradually accepting it. I hope she accepts it before my nerves are shot from all the meowing and getting into things.  

December

It has been awhile since I have wrote. My mood has been all over the place and I guess I'm mixed. Between mania and depression. Mix in feelings of grief. I had to put my dog of 13 years asleep a couple of weeks ago right after our trip my my in-laws in Cambridge. He got real sick in Cambridge and when we brought him home we had him put down.
  I have been drinking more than I usually do also. Probably because my anxiety is off the charts this time of year. I have managed to do all the x-mas shopping and just started decorating. Like any of it matters much. I'm just not in a great mood  and it sure colours everything else going on .