Wednesday, March 7, 2012


I don't know where to start. I haven't blogged for awhile so I thought I would post. I'm burnt out with blogging. I have been thinking a little about giving it up and going another direction with it. Who knows. I have been having writer's block also. Plus a lot of bad attitude about who in the hell cares anyway because i sure don't. My attitude isn't good at the moment and I'm not all that positive lately. Life is so-so though. I'm still trying to dig my way out of my pit of depression. That is odd in it's self because I generally starr feeling better this time of year. I don't know what is up with that. I have been cranky and irritable so maybe I'm coming back alive.

I feel like I need to go back to my SAD lamp. It has the problem of making me a little to lively or mixed but it would help push the mood a little in the right direction so i will probably start today. I need some motivation and that would help tremendously with the who cares attitude. I need to give a shit but don't. I just wait till my mood gets better and it will but don't have time to have it get better. I might be waiting to long. I don't feel like hibernating anymore but don't have the motivation to get out of my cozy cave. I'm though going to a theatrical production tonight . It is a move in the right direction. I'm just afraid it will over stimulate me. I don't need to be overstimulated either .
Everything is a delicate balance. I also long for some inspiration or passion it just makes life a little easier.


  1. good grief girl -- i could have written this post word for word! it is so strange that we ride the same the same horse so often . i long for the day that the that damn dark glue factory horse turns into a white stallion ! and takes us somewhere that has none of the feelings that we have holding us back - every time we think we have the reins !
    thinkin of you often -- hang on - we'll both get through this -

  2. Glad to see you're writing. Sorry to read what you're writing. Winter, for me, has been a bit better than usual. But I sure understand grey. Still.

    The news for me is that I'm getting better at living with my pain, and being more active.

    I hope you have (had) a good evening at the theatre. Yes, getting out is certainly "a move in the right direction."

    Blessings and Bear hugs!

  3. I'm so sorry you're feeling so bad. I used to feel like this too. What helped me the most was forcing myself to do a little volunteer work. Somehow helping others helps you to help yourself. It's not easy at first and I had to make myself do it, but now I feel much better about myself.
    Btw have you had your medication levels checked lately? I hate taking medication but have learned to accept that my body needs it for now.
    Hope you start feeling a little better soon :)

  4. I'm starting to feel a little better that spring is starting. Soul your like another Soul Sis. I know you understand. Rob- you are an inspiration with how you fight your mood and pain. Sammyleia- a lot of it is the seasons make my mood even worse and it is just about riding it out. My moods taking pills for 15 plus years really didnt work for me and made my moods worse. I suffer from less mood swings off of the pills. I take very little and only prn. It works for me. I'm gradually getting back to myself. I used to do volunteer work and really enjoyed it. Really don't know what they offer around here since I have moved. I do need to get more active as your right it does help the blues and moods to get outside yourself.