Themed February

I have been a little bored lately. I can feel the nervous energy coursing through me as the weather hasn't been up to par since Sunday. The weather has been terrible. Raining for two days then snow squalling for two days. I don't know what today will bring but I have to get out of this house. I had a productive day Saturday, when it was gorgeous. Took a ride to another town and had lunch and shopped. It was so pretty and bright. In my boredom this week , I decided that February is full of fun things to celebrate. February has the Superbowl, Fat Tuesday, Valentine Day, and The dogs that I term The Girls birthday. I love doing themed anything as it helps me get the motivation to clean ,organize and decorate for these occasions. I also like making food for these occasions.
I'm still thinking about my menu for these occasions. Fat Tuesday, I already have some red beans in the freezer for that and I will whip up some Dirty Rice for lunch. Superbowl, I don't have a clue what to make. I want it to be fun as I pour over recipes on the Internet trying to find something different. I don't like football much but love the food and celebration of the Superbowl. I have always had fun watching one day of football and having wonderful food. Also, in my boredom it gives me something to plan. Valentines Day is more sketchy as I don't know what theme I'm doing this year. Last year was a Lady & The Tramp theme. Spaghetti for two with it decorated like an Italian Restaurant all with the red and white check table cloth, candles , Chianti and watching the movie. I know it sounds corny but it was nice. When I lived in the states I would take advantage of the awesome Superbowl sales and what ever I got on sale would also make a wonderful Valentines dinner. I would get deals on buy one bag of shrimp and get another free. It made wonderful shrimp cocktail. I also found a ton of meat on sale to grill or do what ever with . They also had tons of junk food on sale. It was like a dream come true for me with everything on sale that I loved. I have no idea if they will have sales for the Superbowl in Canada and certainly not like the states. They did have a Grey Cup(Canadian Football thing like the Superbowl) sale for some appetizers all made up but hardly the type of sale you find in the states. I miss my awesome sales. I also miss having a party shop in town. I used to find such the most interesting things to decorate for the theme. They would have everything. I also loved this chain called Deals. I would find the right dip container and a football chip holder. I still have some of my things for Party's but they are in storage at the moment and will probably stay there till spring. I have found in this hick shit hole town they do have a dollar store and they have themed napkins and some party supplies but not helium in the balloons or the selection at some of the dollar junk stores in the states. I could go on but I'm truly slowly adjusting to this shit hole town that lacks much except how pretty it is. I have had time over the years to adjust to it but never had to live here full time.
Back to being bored. I'm less bored when I'm planning something. My partner thinks I'm nuts celebrating everything. I'm nuts but it does help me get so much accomplished and something to look forward to. It keeps me busy also. I'm also looking forward to my mini-holiday. All booked and plan. I count the days till Sunday. I choose Sunday because they have the cheapest rates on Sunday. I also managed to get a 25 dollar gift certificate booking that room from Chapters. Can't beat it. The trip also makes me tolerate being in the shit hole town I'm in. I have to get away from it about every three months to tolerate it. It is like oh there is civilization out there. It is a bit of fresh air and relief from being in the bush and getting a chance to go back to the hustle and grind of a city.

An Odd Feeling

Lately, I have had this odd feeling creep up. I haven't had it in awhile. It is called happiness. It has been an elusive feeling these past couple of years. It is so natural and great. I'm actually grateful for my life at the moment and I have never much liked my life. I can honestly say life is good and my complaints are normal everyday complaints. Which most normal people have instead of something devastating happening .
It is nice to live life and not have many complaints. I think I could get used to being happy. I like enjoying normal life. I do have to give myself a push to do things but I think it is normal. Once I do what I have to do I have such a overwhelming pleasure about getting something done or doing an activity. I need some stimulation in this weird mood. I get it from exercising lately even though I have to force myself to do it. I find playing the Wii helps with exercising and putting me in a good mood. I have more energy when I exercise. I have been making goals which aren't really like me and planning out life. Now I just hope my mood holds up for life to happen. I could get real used to this happiness feeling.

Winter Vacation On The Cheap

I'm planning a vacation this winter. It will be a short one . A total of 3 and a half days. I'm getting real excited planning it. I'm trying to save money by going closer to home . My plans are to go down hill skiing and tubing. I will also use one of those days to shop as my supplies need stocked again. I'm trying to be practical with this vacation and save a little money. I don't need the most expensive hotel and don't need the most expensive ski resort to have fun. I have found an average hotel to book and probably not the best and maybe not so great , ski place in Ontario. It is probably good for a beginner and it is cheap. I couldn't believe the price of forty dollars for a lesson and equipment rental. The lesson is 75 minutes long and a lift ticket for the easy slopes. You can't beat that. They also offer tubing which requires no skill. They have two for one coupons for that also. I'm new to this type of winter experience and look forward to it. I'm more used to golfing in the winter than down hill skiing and tubing. I did though go to the mountains when I was a kid to tube . Then we would drive back home where it was warm. I grew up in Southern California. I have lived in several places but nothing as wintry as Ontario. I like it very much though and seem to thrive in a winter environment.
While people plan their vacations in Ontario to somewhere warmer and full of sunshine ; I'm content to stay in Ontario. It is cheaper and a chance to explore what is in your own backyard. I had many places to choice from also and when I get better I will probably try other places in the winter to ski. I like the winter season and embrace it. I also like putting a vacation together on a budject so I can save up for my next seasonal vacation. I have saved so much money by not travelling to the states any more and having a house in the states. I have so much fun exploring Ontario and look forward to the adventures I'm going to have this year.

Moving Forward

I have been domestic lately after a 2 month furlough. Gradually, I'm getting back to my routine in the house and enjoying it. I can be very domestic or not domestic at all. It is all about my mood when it comes to homemaking. I'm also taking up more interest and hobbies. Taking up hobbies have never been hard for me. Actually, I have the tendency to take up to many.
The other day I replaced the bird feeders that should of been condemned a long time ago. They where in such bad disrepair , I bought some more. I forgot how expensive it can be to feed the little buggers. I'm used to mid-western birds that will eat any thing and be delighted. I have an array of thistle, black sunflower , white sunflower, and some song bird mix of food for them. I love watching birds and much better than watching the stuff I watch on tv. I look forward to watching them as I will have to put the feeders up in the spring due to bears. I don't like having bear bait on the property.
I have been yearning for brighter weather and warmer weather also. I think what sparked my need for spring/summer is the flood of seed magazines , I have been receiving. I love gardening and can't wait to plant a garden. My amaryllis and hyacinth is starting to shoot up to bloom pretty soon also. It reminds me of spring . I'm sort of in a spring like mood with plants. I bought an orchid yesterday and look forward to trying to keep it alive. I go through a period in the winter where I need plants and grass. Last year I planted regular grass in a pot. I stuck a golf tee in it with a golf ball. It was nice to think about the golf season. It is easier to plant cat grass though and the cat likes it. I planned another batch for her and it makes me happy to see green and the cat happy she has something to munch on without getting yelled at and shooed away from.
I also got a running magazine to give me inspiration to discover I can run in this muck of snow and ice. Running doesn't stop in the winter. I need to buy me some yaktraxs to put on my running shoes. I think I will use some older running shoes as I don't want to get my new ones mucked up. Basically, I have the clothes for it as you adjust the layers for the winter. Up to three layers just like cross country skiing. Something to wick like long underwear that has wool in it. I like a performance wool blend. Something to keep the wind off and to repeal the water. Something to service as a insulator . I use a cotton shirt and sweats. They sell all sorts of running gear for the winter but I really don't want to spend the money at the moment. I do have a winter cycling jacket that I could use for a jacket also.It has nice zip pits and is warmer so I don't have to wear so many layers to run in. They say to adjust it according to how cold it is. I don't know how much I will enjoy running in the winter or jogging. I think I would prefer to snowshoe or ski. I'm thinking of trying running this coming Friday or week-end if I don't get mowed down by a snow mobile and I can hurdle the snow banks just in case. I will give it a try though as I miss it and like to run on something other than a treadmill.
I generally get more antsy and hyper during Feb and March. It seems my hyper clock is a little off on dates. I don't know how long this good mood will last but I like it. It is different going from being immobile to more active. I feel good when I can perform and get things done. It seems to build on my good mood. I'm even starting to freeze more things up for dinner when I'm immobile with depression again. Or just not feeling well. I'm finally looking a head. Things are starting to look up again.

Climbing Out Of The Ashes of Depression

It is morning and a nice balmy -3 C this morning. I love mornings. I have done my routine of taking the dogs out and feeding them. It is always a mixed blessing in the morning taking them out because they demand it right now. Not when I wake up but as soon as I open my eyes and sit up. Which generally means that I don't have adequate clothing on when I take them out. Just slippers ,t-shirt, and sweats. I have a great pair of slippers so I don't have to put on my snow boots . After, I'm done , I can enjoy the dogs. It is like saying good morning to them. Then I have coffee and my vitamins in the morning.
I have seen a big difference in my mood by taking a Multi-Vitamin, B-Complex, chewable Vitamin C, and sub lingual B-12. I have had more energy and for that , I'm grateful. When I feel better , I'm more productive and take care of myself better. It is hard to get out of the depression rut but possible. Some of it is just time and the other part of it is taking small steps to improve it .
I was right in the fact when I became more active physically , the domestic side would follow. I have been cooking and started cleaning again. I have been inspired to do more with food than just make boring pot roast. The other day I marinaded a roast and it was absolutely delicious. I have a ton of roast since I bought a front of a cow and have to get a little more adventurous with different things. Today, I'm finally going to make Red Beans and Rice. I have the chicken stock ready for it and all I have to do is put it on today as I soaked my beans over night. I love themes and have some zydeco music that will go nicely with it. Tomorrow, I'm going to cook some glazed beef short ribs to go along with the red beans and rice. I bought a nice bottle of red wine to go with it and a nice baguette.
I love it when I feel domestic as I come up with different things to cook and get inspired to tackle this house and organize it better. Sometimes , it is so difficult to even get a bowl of cereal much less cook something with multiple ingredients.
One thing, I have been doing to kick this rut is to get cleaned up every day no matter whether I go out or not. It is so easy to stay in my house clothes and not get cleaned up. I once read this thing called the Fly Lady that getting cleaned from head to toe was the only way to get productive in the morning. She even recommend to get your shoes on. For the longest time I thought she was full of it. I thought that I got more done looking like crap and having old clothes on. What it made me learn is I felt better about myself. Getting cleaned up just to clean made me feel better if that makes any sense. I have took it a step farther with doing things like exfoliating and little extras like more cream on my face. I have looked at some of the people faces in this town and they look all weathered from the elements and like they don't take care of there skin. I have since stepped up my skin care for the winter as in the spring I don't wear lotion as I would get ate up by blackflies and mosquitoes. I don't wear anything except ivory soap during spring and early summer. I have a very bad reaction to the assortment of biting insects. So I save my beauty routine for winter and the rest of the year. I refuse to look like a lizard or some tanned leather. It is so easy to forget about appearance when your depressed.
I have started to get more in a routine and manage my time a little better. It does seem overwhelming with all that I have neglected the past couple of months though. I have learned though the thing that I neglected the most was myself and my well being. I have found it very nice to take care of myself and get with living life. I'm finally up to the adventure of life.

Happiness

I have been busy with having some fun lately and feeling good. I haven't felt good in along time. My depression is lifting. I still have some fog of depression but generally, I have been feeling good. I don't know what to make of my happiness as I find happiness elusive and hard to hang on to. I feel if I'm happy, the other shoe is going to drop off. I'm learning to go with it though.
I have been pushing myself to find new ways of being happy. Happy for me has been to be active physically lately. I have been snowshoeing and cross country skiing. I especially love snowshoeing. I found I worked hard and had air in my lungs where I never have had cold air before. It felt real good to walk through the snow where most people sink if they try to walk in it. The weather has been so wonderful. It has been sunny and clear for the most part. Yesterday was more breezy and overcast so I was so happy when I didn't waste the wonderful days this past week. I have been gradually getting back to photography also. My pictures that I took weren't the most wonderful but not to bad considering it is very hard for someone that is learning to cross country ski to stand and click at the same time. I'm not very good on the skis. I have away to go. I'm still a little wobbly and cant stride and chew gum at the same time. One of the reasons I didn't fall my first time out was that I didn't want to screw up my cameras that I had strapped to me. My balance has always been not that great and worse on a pair of skinny skis. The thought of busting expensive cameras where enough to keep me up right. I ended up after about a half an hour taking them off and just hiking . I'm looking forward to skiing again next week when it is suppose to be nice again. Part of loving the skiing and snowshoeing is all the solitude and wonderful beauty of the landscape , I get to enjoy. They have a ski place that isn't that far from us but it is always so crowded. We have been going out to this place called Killbear. There is hardly no one there during the week and even when people are there it is so huge that you might not see many if any people at all. Nature at times is my only spirituality and I feel like I'm whole with my environment. I really can't put the feeling in words but it makes me happy and filled with marvel. It is sort of like a Emily Dickson poem where she speaks about the outdoors being her church.
I have neglected the house in the pursuit of my physical activity but I don't feel bad at all for neglecting it. Messes will always be here for me to clean. I will eventually get in the mood for the house but I'm taking the opportunity to do what I please and what I'm in the mood for. It works better that way for me as I find each to be a building step for me to get what I need to get done. By having fun I'm more likely to do what I need to do as I'm happy. I don't know how long my happiness and positively will last . But I will embrace any of it and try to build on the building blocks of being more functional.

Bringing In The New Year

The year turned into another year. I had a uneventful New Year Eve and went to bed probably around 10:30pm. My partner has a birthday on New Years Eve and I did celebrate that. We watched a good movie called The Oldest Living Confederate Widow Tells All.We also had a nice greek pizza. I also bought her some flowers. They are real nice and look like spring. I also got her two shirts. We celebrated in a low key fashion . I had a nice time watching a movie and eating pizza. I was expecting more movies in the mail but the mailbox wasn't plowed out like it was suppose to be and we didn't get any mail. I was very angry with the man that plows our driveway that he hasn't been keeping up with the mailbox area as it prevents us from getting our mail. I stewed about it awhile and just pushed it out of my mind so I wouldn't totally ruin my evening. My partner knows that she will have to deal with him or I will not shut up about it until it gets done. Or worse yet I will deal with it and I will end up having to do it myself as I will scare the man away. I have about had it with these locals. A good or bad job is the same price. I have been meaning to snow blow myself but I'm not going to work in the house and do all the jobs and do it outside also. When she takes over some of the house work , I will work outside and remove snow but until then she can pay someone to do the job she won't do.
New Years was totally a flop. I was so scattered and couldn't get motivated to make a New Years dinner. I was planning on some lamb chops, black-eye peas and squash. I try to have black eye peas every year for good luck. I can't find greens here or even a bag of black eye peas that aren't cooked. I found a can of them though and that will have to do. I was happy to even find a can of black-eye peas. I need to have my family to send me a care package of things I can't find here. Something , I did find which is good is a bags of chips that where called General Tao's , Greek, and Tandoori BBQ flavoured chips. All with resealable zip locks . Three bags of chips cost five dollars. It made the sting out of not getting a bag of black eye peas better. I did though find a bag of red beans. I was so delighted that I can finally make a pot of red beans and rice. I really miss my Cajun and Southern food. I'm thinking I might be able to find greens in Toronto. At this point I wouldn't even mind a can of greens even though they aren't as good. I would be very happy with any Sylvia product at this point.
My mood has been all over the place in the past week. My thoughts have also. It is very hard to blog as I have ideals all over the place and it is hard to keep on track. My mind feels like a pin ball flipping all over the place. I don't often take meds but I did yesterday and probably will the next couple of days to get the scattered thoughts in order. Just a push in the right direction. I have also neglected my diet lately so I'm going to have to make some life style changes also. A balanced life style is so important and mine has been off . I need to do some small changes such as diet , and get a little more active. I think when I get some of my thoughts in order it will be easier to get the life style under control. I feel so paralyzed when it comes to life at the moment . It doesn't help when everything is a fleeting thought. I lose direction and purpose. I think the reason I started getting off track was the meds I took for a sinus infection. It sent me sailing off course. I hate getting sick as it sends me to the clouds. I was finally getting back on track from the depression to be derailed. I'm getting back slowly though again. I found with me a lot of staying on course is just not giving up and always trying no matter how hard it is. I have to remind myself of that all the time not to give up and fight . I'm going to try to trudge today and give a good fight this year.