Wednesday, May 29, 2013

Coming Out Of My Cave

I haven't wrote in two months. So much has happened and not . Some of the past month has been so stagnant. I have been in a dark anxiety ridden mixed mood. It is passing and I'm more or less a little depressed. I'm slowly digging out of my hole.

I have neglected so much in the past two months. I have neglected to really live life and have been just struggling. Every once in awhile I will get a little energy and do daily living and actually feel decent then the overwhelming facts of what a disaster my life hits and I get depressed and feel defeated.

I don't always like going on about the negative and feel whiny even if that is how I feel. I have been very negative and don't want to be a downer.  .Then I remember this is my journal and I can vent as much as I want. I really seem to need to get many things out . My walls have been built up high in the past two months and really haven't shared anything with anyone. I stuff my feelings like big heavy bricks inside me.

My last post was about my plumbing. The update on that is that it is the Septic tank line that needed to be repaired. Still waiting on that repair. The company is busy but so far they did a quick fix to keep it going until they can dig up the yard. Bills have been tight and seems very overwhelming.

Happier news we go see Whoopi  Friday. I booked that trip in the winter. We will be gone one night to see the show and go to the Casino. Not much of a gambler. I usually play about 40 dollars. Casinos trigger something in me. I get real overwhelmed by all the colors and sounds etc. It makes me hyper and I never stay very long. I do like all the different nice restaurant they have at this casino and like seeing a show. Pathetic thing is the show starts at 9pm and I'm generally in bed at that time.We are going to board the dogs . This is the first time they are getting boarded. We used to board our other dogs but we are trying a new approach of a cage free home environment which is more like a camp with activities. One of our dogs used to go for a hour a day at this camp for some socialization as she is down right mental.

Talking about mental dog. Daisy is who I'm talking about. She has really bad social anxiety. We are going to put her on medication for two months and retrain her. The sedative effect should work on her nerves and then just over exposure is suppose to work. Maybe, I can talk to the vet and she can put me on the same sedative and retrain me(lol) I have committed to helping the dog with her issues. I worked some with her this past 4 days when we went to visit in-laws. A little better but her anxiety makes her a hysterical barking mess when she sees people. She is getting just a little better at ignoring stimuli with me on her ass every two seconds flipping her leash and harness with a firm No. Never had a dog with anxiety issues and this is new for me. But I have had a bad dog before that taught me a lot of what to do and what not to do. This dog isn't really a bad dog but has a mental illness.  She gets so caught up with her anxiety she can't think straight and it just balloons into a mass panic attack. Just like people.
 The puppy is now 6 months old. She is still a runt. She is such a normal dog and a delight. The dogs are like night and day. Alice reminds me of what a Golden should be in temperament and attitude. Alice is the smaller one chasing Daisy. They are light in color because they are English Golden Retrievers. I love talking about my dogs as they really make me very happy. They are one of the most positive things in my life and get me out of bed every morning.  I will wrap up and make an effort for myself to write more and not retreat in my cave.


  1. Dogs are God's gift to us lowly humans. It is hard to stay depressed when a dog is loving on ya. I like retrieves, too. But they need much more exercise than I can give them right now. I think my next dog will be a stuffed one. Less stress and mess. Just pet'um.

  2. Let me start with you can bitch, vent and rant and rave all you like on your own blog..............doesn't bother me sometimes you just need to get things out there.......dogs are great sprit lifters that is if you are a dog person if you are not then maybe not so much. I think it is great that you are willing to do what has to be done to help Daisy, at the moment I am watching the Dog Whisperer damn I like that guy he is so good with the dogs.......

  3. You've just reminded of how wonderful dogs can be. And my mind shifted to the point of remembering how much I miss mine.

    But all that will pass, and the sunshine (i trust) will encourage your to get outside and enjoy the summer experience (as long as you don't get sunburnt)!

    Blessings and Bear hugs!
    Bears Noting
    Life in the Urban Forest (poetry)

  4. I hope you enjoyed Whoopi! Me, I don't like casinos either. I work too damned hard to give away my pennies!!!

    Vent away! That's what (the best) blogs are for!