I'm sitting here with my SAD lamp on. It works pretty well and pretty fast when I'm struggling with depression. I have to cut back the times on the lamp or it makes me hyper. I really don't need to be hyper. My energy levels have been so low since I have had the flu and other aggravations.
I'm slowly very slowly sorting out the house. I haven't done much as I have been sick. I have had a time of getting my new treadmill that I ordered back in October also. They lead me on for two months then said it was never going to be available. Took the money before shipping or anything else and told me I would have to wait 30 days to get it back. Well, this didn't sit well with me and nicely and assertive I told them they would give me something similar as to the one I ordered since at the time I ordered everything was on sale and now what I want or anything similar wasn't on sale. I was very angry. I looked at the bank account today and the money was back. I called Sears again made them give me a similar product for what I purchased the other one for. I'm happy now. It was driving me nuts when none of it was going right. I have always wanted a treadmill. I really would love to start walking and jogging no matter what the weather is and I think I will actually stick to it every day until it gets a little warmer to do it outdoors. I'm not a big fan of winter running. I also need the stress relief of walking or running when I'm consumed with anxiety. It works faster than a pill.
I'm really looking forward to next year and it can't get here fast enough. I really feel like it is going to be a better year as it is starting to look up already. The chaos of this house will be here for awhile but it now seems not so overwhelming for today. I'm hoping to get something done no matter how little it is.
Friday, December 30, 2011
Wednesday, December 28, 2011
Rambles of the past month
Life is getting back to some sort of normal for me. It has been a long month with many changes. I haven't really felt like blogging. Why I really don't know. We have had our bathroom gutted and a lot of kitchen torn out also. It was suppose to take a week and ended up taking 17 days. 15 of those days we had to live in a shitty motel room. We managed to encounter many problems that we didn't know that existed with this house and ran way over budget fixing things like electrical and serious plumbing. It was like one of those nightmare remodel shows that they show you what someone else tried to screw you on and encounter big problems trying to fix it. Anyway, I managed to get real depressed during this time with mounds of anxiety. I think part of the reason was eating a horrible diet full of processed fast food and frozen or canned crap at the motel. At the end I found a electric skillet and a mini crock pot and ended up fixing way healthier options and could feel the difference in energy and over all feeling a little better.
It still wasn't home and we had to walk and take out two very unruly dogs and hope we didn't let the cat who was pissed off out the motel room door also in every kind of weather you can think of. One day snow storms next day sleet, then after that tons of rain. Not a very happy camper when I was suppose to smoke out side with this shit also. After a couple of days probably four I had it . I was a raging bitch for my nicotine. I broke down and started to smoke in the comforts of the room. I probably would of thought different if it was a decent place with decent people owning it. We didn't get our room cleaned in the 15 days we where there. I ended up cleaning it better than when we rented it. That dive was the cheapest in the area to rent at about 70 a day with animals which ended up costing about a thousand for 15 days. The place truly was out of the twilight zone and the people where super weird. It made me feel pretty damn sane. That is really something when a lot of people consider me eccentric and a little off
The old dog seemed to like it and loves the cold weather now. Seems to have went into a sort of remission. I'm very confused why he is still alive and doing OK for now. That can turn tomorrow. I'm just thankful he made it through x-mas and probably to the new year. It buys a little time which I need. Life has been seriously chaotic and I don't need that right now. Still having to wake up in the middle of the night to let him out. J has done it the majority of a year now taking him out in the middle of the night. Not to bad if you can just send him out and go back to sleep when he is done. But a real pain having to put on all your winter clothes and boots chain him and walk around for 10 minutes so he can find the perfect spot. He is real picky about his bathroom habits and makes you want to rage at the poor animal when your freezing your ass off in the pitch dark.
He knows when we get at the end of our ropes with him and then hurried up. Thank god we are home now and it is as easy as just opening up the door for him so he can take his sweet loving time.
My shoulders and back acted up pretty badly from all the moving I was doing getting everything out of the kitchen and bathroom and just general stuff I purged from the house since we had a huge dumpster. Ended up firing my old massage therapist because she basically worked when she wanted to and was just a serious flake. Ended up with a better assessment of my shoulder and back. It seems which I knew a little already was my accident that broke a collar bone was acting up. The scar tissue seems to be pulling everything to my right side making my left shoulder hurt. Some how my back muscles are twisted also. Never really figured out what I do to cause that but it hurts. I wasn't able to lift my arms over my head. I had two massages and it seems to release probably the rotar cuff and what ever tight muscle. She was talking muscles and everything else showing it to me on a chart and it was all Greek to me. But I really did appreciate trying to explain things to me and taking me more serious and just not taking my money and doing a half ass job. She was a real positive person and it really made a difference getting the massage also and not having to listen to negative politics that I don't agree with like the other one did. I like relaxing and not talking. It showed me how my needs where not being took into consideration by the other one. It is hard for me to be objective about dysfunctional people or even see I'm around them because I tolerate a lot of stuff from people. It wasn't until I got angry I changed. Have wanted to for along time and even stopped going to massage. I also thought it was wonderful she suggested basic yoga to stretch all the muscles that hurt me as away of helping and managing the muscle pain. Also showed me stretches for the shoulders that hurt but it hurts worse not to do them. I'm sure exercise will help with my mood as it always has in the past. I was way more active this summer and seen how inactive I have became already this winter. I will have to change that to survive winter this year.
I have been so sick over the holidays with some sort of flu. I'm pretty sure being ran down and handing a lot of stress it was probably pretty easy to pick up something. I have been just sleeping and eating healthy to make it go away. Some good all in one flu pills help mask the symptoms some. I'm feeling a lot better but still probably have a couple of days to get back to normal. I look forward to this new year and putting the old one behind. I hope to be updating more .
It still wasn't home and we had to walk and take out two very unruly dogs and hope we didn't let the cat who was pissed off out the motel room door also in every kind of weather you can think of. One day snow storms next day sleet, then after that tons of rain. Not a very happy camper when I was suppose to smoke out side with this shit also. After a couple of days probably four I had it . I was a raging bitch for my nicotine. I broke down and started to smoke in the comforts of the room. I probably would of thought different if it was a decent place with decent people owning it. We didn't get our room cleaned in the 15 days we where there. I ended up cleaning it better than when we rented it. That dive was the cheapest in the area to rent at about 70 a day with animals which ended up costing about a thousand for 15 days. The place truly was out of the twilight zone and the people where super weird. It made me feel pretty damn sane. That is really something when a lot of people consider me eccentric and a little off
The old dog seemed to like it and loves the cold weather now. Seems to have went into a sort of remission. I'm very confused why he is still alive and doing OK for now. That can turn tomorrow. I'm just thankful he made it through x-mas and probably to the new year. It buys a little time which I need. Life has been seriously chaotic and I don't need that right now. Still having to wake up in the middle of the night to let him out. J has done it the majority of a year now taking him out in the middle of the night. Not to bad if you can just send him out and go back to sleep when he is done. But a real pain having to put on all your winter clothes and boots chain him and walk around for 10 minutes so he can find the perfect spot. He is real picky about his bathroom habits and makes you want to rage at the poor animal when your freezing your ass off in the pitch dark.
He knows when we get at the end of our ropes with him and then hurried up. Thank god we are home now and it is as easy as just opening up the door for him so he can take his sweet loving time.
My shoulders and back acted up pretty badly from all the moving I was doing getting everything out of the kitchen and bathroom and just general stuff I purged from the house since we had a huge dumpster. Ended up firing my old massage therapist because she basically worked when she wanted to and was just a serious flake. Ended up with a better assessment of my shoulder and back. It seems which I knew a little already was my accident that broke a collar bone was acting up. The scar tissue seems to be pulling everything to my right side making my left shoulder hurt. Some how my back muscles are twisted also. Never really figured out what I do to cause that but it hurts. I wasn't able to lift my arms over my head. I had two massages and it seems to release probably the rotar cuff and what ever tight muscle. She was talking muscles and everything else showing it to me on a chart and it was all Greek to me. But I really did appreciate trying to explain things to me and taking me more serious and just not taking my money and doing a half ass job. She was a real positive person and it really made a difference getting the massage also and not having to listen to negative politics that I don't agree with like the other one did. I like relaxing and not talking. It showed me how my needs where not being took into consideration by the other one. It is hard for me to be objective about dysfunctional people or even see I'm around them because I tolerate a lot of stuff from people. It wasn't until I got angry I changed. Have wanted to for along time and even stopped going to massage. I also thought it was wonderful she suggested basic yoga to stretch all the muscles that hurt me as away of helping and managing the muscle pain. Also showed me stretches for the shoulders that hurt but it hurts worse not to do them. I'm sure exercise will help with my mood as it always has in the past. I was way more active this summer and seen how inactive I have became already this winter. I will have to change that to survive winter this year.
I have been so sick over the holidays with some sort of flu. I'm pretty sure being ran down and handing a lot of stress it was probably pretty easy to pick up something. I have been just sleeping and eating healthy to make it go away. Some good all in one flu pills help mask the symptoms some. I'm feeling a lot better but still probably have a couple of days to get back to normal. I look forward to this new year and putting the old one behind. I hope to be updating more .
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