Something that made me think the other day was about was a game of golf. I have been somewhat anxious and overwhelmed for awhile . I thought getting out would be good and since I have payed for a season of unlimited golf , I thought I needed to take advantage of it. The weather was actually decent. It has been like non-stop rain for awhile. I was really looking forward to playing since I haven't played in awhile. I showed up ready and looking forward towards playing until I got there. The woman that owns the golf course mentioned to me that It would be nice to have me play on a womens night where they have a league. The thought of playing with other women rattled the hell out of me. Where I wasn't anxious I became anxious. The thought of it made me sick. I made all kinds of excuses to get out of it. I even used the excuse I'm not any good. Well she dispelled that myth about being good when she showed me the score board. The thing is I'm a OK golfer and not awful. I'm awful when I get anxious and rattled though. The thing is I don't want to be around people at this time in my life. It isn't that I don't like people , it is I don't relate on a personal level or want to explain anything to them and my mood prevents me from being around them at this moment. Another thing is I stopped playing competively because it totally ruined a nice game and I was so uptight.
Anyways, I started to golf and I was so rattled about the possibility of playing with other women it really effected my game. I was all over the place and not hitting dead on. For me to play decent, I have to be relaxed and not over thinking like, I do in life. Golf for me is so easy when I'm just in the moment. Just like life is easier when I'm in the moment and living it and not thinking to much. Finally, after doing dismal for several holes, I remember thinking to hell with being so uptight, it isn't like I'm going to play on a league. I got into one of my sillier moments and picked up my club and acted like it was a sword and started sword fighting with J to break the tension. We laughed and some of the tension was broke. I started hitting the ball dead on where it was suppose to go. I didn't look at the obstacle in front of me but the bigger picture and blocked the mental obstacles of the course. I thought about life being like that to. When I see a big wall most of the time I look at the big wall and slam my face in it. Instead of looking over the wall and seeing the bigger picture.
What seemed like a terrible game of golf was good for me as I could get a lives lesson out of it. It was also nice to just get out also. It also felt impowering to get over the anxiety that set in also.