The first question I received was by Josie. The question was What is the most fun vacation memory you cherish, and what would be your fantasy of the perfect time away?
Wow, That is a hard one and I will try to keep it shorter than I like. I could post and post about favorite vacations. I have had many awesome vacations. I have been a very fortunate person to have travelled a lot and to have many vacations. My vacations and favorite ones depends on my moods though and what I need at the time I take them. I have done of a lot of impulsive vacations also. Boom my bags are pack and I'm gone in a couple of days after a little research. So, I guess if I have to pick one and in the mood I'm in I would have to say it would be one of the peaceful ones I have took to Lake Superior. I try to camp their every year. It is peaceful and full of serenity. The most noise you hear are is the crashing wake. The water forms caps from the wind and it crashes all against the rocks. The wonderful sand beaches that line where we stay is such a treat. I tend to walk them or jog on them everyday when we are there. I also try to mediate by the water in the morning using the waves as my mantra. I love camp cooking also. I seem more organized. Structure comes so easily to me when I camp. It seems that I use all my senses when I camp. Northern Ontario seems to be a wonderful place for me and so majestic with beauty. It is also so relaxing. I can seat in a lounge chair all day and just watch the waves, birds etc. I also love to read and read . I also get to indulge in photography which I like to do also. It seems I get to engage in all my favorite things when I go camping.
The second part is really dreaming but my fantasy time away would to be able to travel Europe for a month by myself. I want to be selfish and only do the things I want to do. I love other cultures and very curious so doing something like this would be very stimulating. I would love to go to older hotels and just be waited on. I would love to try all the different foods. (I'm a foodie) I would love to go to all the museums and spend endless hours wandering them. I would love to visit Spain and lay on many of the beaches they have and just be. Travel around on a train and get lost on whim in each country. Explore the less travelled path and not do such the touristy thing and get to learn the customs of some of the different countries also.
Next question was by Ranting Monkey. Here is the question.Is there a song you hear that instantly improves your mood every time you hear it and if so, what song is it?
I love music but the one that popped off the top of my head was I feel so pretty from The West side story. Song and Video It makes me smile and laugh.
The next question is by One Brave Duck. The question is : How do you define bravery and do you consider yourself a brave person?
Yikes, you made me think and think on this. Oh I could probably ponder this for days. I will try to condense this as much as I can. I really thought about this for hours after it was asked and it isn't very simple for me to define. It also made me think about myself and others also. Bravery to me isn't defined in the dictionary for me and tend to think it is way to simplistic and doesn't reflect the idea very well and I tend to disagree with it. I think courage goes hand and hand with bravery. I also think their are many different types of bravery. Such as physical, moral and physicological. I think for me it is to feel the fear in situations in life and do it anyway. Also, to stand up to what I believe whether it is comfortable or not. This is just the tip of the iceberg.
The second part of the question is do I consider myself a brave person. Not anymore. I used to be braver. I have been becoming more comfortable with being a person that no longer rocks the boat as I used to rock the boat all the time. I also have became more cynical. I have become complacent in life also. Seems , I don't much reach out of my comfort zone in the past couple of years.
The last question comes from The thoughts of a Bipolatr ftm : Do you use any simple techniques to improve a day that is going or has gone bad?
Yes, I try to breath a lot . Lots of deep breaths. I also try to distract myself usually with something brainless. Like stupid TV or cleaning. Something general to escape. It could be anything such as reading fiction etc. Depends on what I'm trying to get through the day with and my mood. Sometimes , also I just go for a walk. Sometimes, I just try to go back to bed and sleep the day away until another day. Sometimes, I will play a game. Sometimes, I journal. Sometimes, if it is real bad I don't move from one spot as all I have to do to stay safe is stay in one spot such as don't get off the couch. I also listen to music a lot also.
Wow, that was harder than I thought. I had to use my brain. Thank - you for all the questions!
Wednesday, April 4, 2012
Tuesday, April 3, 2012
One Question Wednesday
I'm going to particpate in One Question Wednesday .If you have questions about it you can link up to Josie2shoeshttp://www.josie2shoes.com/ It is a way to meet other bloggers and know them better. It is also away to ask any question and have it answered. Just leave your question in the comments below anytime between now and Wednesday
evening, and I'll answer them in a post on Wednesday night. You can also get more facts from this fromhttp://www.therantingmonkey.com/p/oqw-faq.html- The Ranting Monkey.
Sunday, April 1, 2012
Twilight Zone
It has been a very long 8-9 days. We ended up staying in Cambridge for 8 days. J's mother fell the second day we where there. We took them out to dinner and at the restaurant she fell coming in. It was a violent fall . We took her to the Er where we spent about 9 hours waiting for the results of xrays to tell us if she broke her shoulder and hip. She still doesn't have her mobility that she did before she fell but according to the xrrays she didn't break anything. The good news is she got more home health care. She already had some but we made sure we stayed and got everyday help.
We don't still know if they will allow the ladies to do what they need to do. They have declined services we have set up before. It is frustrating to us they will not except the help they need and seem very ungrateful. They need to be in a home as one is very demented and the other is starting to get that way. We have no say if they go to a home as J doesn't have power of attorney and J's brother does. He is in denial and think they can manage. He is also chicken shit and I could say much more but I don't feel like wasting my time on such a sad creature.It pisses us off to no end because we are so powerless and we know both of them are a disaster waiting to happen.
While we where waiting on services for them-phsyo-ot-bath lady-general help. Me and J performed all the task they needed for a week. I did the cooking and cleaning. J did all the nurse stuff as she was a RN for 25 years. Needless to say we are tired. I cooked vast amounts of food and froze them up for them in containers. I had about 10 meals frozen. The last day we where their |I| had a container of chili that I had prepared and was going to put it in there freezer when I discovered all the meals I made them where missing. I had J look as I thought where the hell could all that food be. We where just about to leave and get out for good. I was confused. They threw all the food I made them away. I have no clue why either. J's parents aren't the best honest communicators. We where driving back to the motel and it felt like someone kicked me in the stomach. I cooked for days, cleaned for days did anything they wanted for days. Most of all I kept my mouth shut for days and didn't get into any argument. I just felt very hurt and used. I have dropped it. I can't determine logic when those people are so illogical. That is crazy to throw away that food. If they didn't like it they should of said so and I would of took it home with me. I spent a lot of time and money fixing that stuff and it makes no sense that you would throw away healthy whole food to be left with TV dinners since they don't cook anymore. I do know one thing I done with them. I wash my hands. I will not use my limited resources to help them. I will not use all my energy for ungrateful people when I have not much to give anyway. Where I'm left washed up drinking like a drunk in the evening to get through the hell. Did, I mention these people have over a quarter of a million dollars and we end up broke helping them because they are cheap mother fuckers. No more! I will get a vacation this year and it wont be in another ER or being a god damn maid.
They do treat me like a maid also which just ruffles my feathers. I have been married to J for 8 years and been with J a little over 10. They barely acknowledge we are married. I'm introduced to people as J's friend. I generally ignore it as I know my in-laws are bigots and I have just accepted that. Actual my mother in law isn't but she is severally demented so she knows I belong and remembers me but doesn't know the relationship. J's father on the other hand is a mean spirited man. Who is the bigot and racist.It makes my skin crawl. I was so embarrassed when we where in ER and he thinks he is whispering and says racist remarks about the different people in ER waiting. I was horrified and I did apologize when I could for such terrible behaviour. J was embarrassed also as we are not that way and it makes us very anger hearing remarks of hate and misunderstanding a group of people . I do know how it is to be hated on and be treated in a hateful manner. It is ugly and ignorant etc.
I'm at home now and I'm so thankful to be at home. It is so wonderful even if I have a ton to do and catch up on. I have felt like I have been in the twilight zone. It has been so surreal and I can gradual get back to my own life and state my opinions and have them.
We don't still know if they will allow the ladies to do what they need to do. They have declined services we have set up before. It is frustrating to us they will not except the help they need and seem very ungrateful. They need to be in a home as one is very demented and the other is starting to get that way. We have no say if they go to a home as J doesn't have power of attorney and J's brother does. He is in denial and think they can manage. He is also chicken shit and I could say much more but I don't feel like wasting my time on such a sad creature.It pisses us off to no end because we are so powerless and we know both of them are a disaster waiting to happen.
While we where waiting on services for them-phsyo-ot-bath lady-general help. Me and J performed all the task they needed for a week. I did the cooking and cleaning. J did all the nurse stuff as she was a RN for 25 years. Needless to say we are tired. I cooked vast amounts of food and froze them up for them in containers. I had about 10 meals frozen. The last day we where their |I| had a container of chili that I had prepared and was going to put it in there freezer when I discovered all the meals I made them where missing. I had J look as I thought where the hell could all that food be. We where just about to leave and get out for good. I was confused. They threw all the food I made them away. I have no clue why either. J's parents aren't the best honest communicators. We where driving back to the motel and it felt like someone kicked me in the stomach. I cooked for days, cleaned for days did anything they wanted for days. Most of all I kept my mouth shut for days and didn't get into any argument. I just felt very hurt and used. I have dropped it. I can't determine logic when those people are so illogical. That is crazy to throw away that food. If they didn't like it they should of said so and I would of took it home with me. I spent a lot of time and money fixing that stuff and it makes no sense that you would throw away healthy whole food to be left with TV dinners since they don't cook anymore. I do know one thing I done with them. I wash my hands. I will not use my limited resources to help them. I will not use all my energy for ungrateful people when I have not much to give anyway. Where I'm left washed up drinking like a drunk in the evening to get through the hell. Did, I mention these people have over a quarter of a million dollars and we end up broke helping them because they are cheap mother fuckers. No more! I will get a vacation this year and it wont be in another ER or being a god damn maid.
They do treat me like a maid also which just ruffles my feathers. I have been married to J for 8 years and been with J a little over 10. They barely acknowledge we are married. I'm introduced to people as J's friend. I generally ignore it as I know my in-laws are bigots and I have just accepted that. Actual my mother in law isn't but she is severally demented so she knows I belong and remembers me but doesn't know the relationship. J's father on the other hand is a mean spirited man. Who is the bigot and racist.It makes my skin crawl. I was so embarrassed when we where in ER and he thinks he is whispering and says racist remarks about the different people in ER waiting. I was horrified and I did apologize when I could for such terrible behaviour. J was embarrassed also as we are not that way and it makes us very anger hearing remarks of hate and misunderstanding a group of people . I do know how it is to be hated on and be treated in a hateful manner. It is ugly and ignorant etc.
I'm at home now and I'm so thankful to be at home. It is so wonderful even if I have a ton to do and catch up on. I have felt like I have been in the twilight zone. It has been so surreal and I can gradual get back to my own life and state my opinions and have them.
Wednesday, March 21, 2012
Trip to hell
I have been up for a very long time this morning . I have managed to do a bunch of nothing this morning. I have looked around the computer for hours and even chatted. I have even put on a pot roast in the crock pot. Watered plants and piddled around the house. This is in the attempt i don't have to deal with what I need to do to get ready for a trip I'm taking Friday till next Tuesday. I need to get ready to see my in-laws. Oh how I hate that trip anymore.
It isn't because I hate my in-laws. It is because they are so elderly and won't listen to reason when it comes to their care. We do this trip out of duty and also guilt. It is very boring there. We spend money we don't have to go see them. It cost us a small fortune. We have to get a motel for 4 days and also pay for gas and most of our food. We used to board the dogs but it got to expensive so we take them now. We have a friend that will watch the cat. It also cost us a lot of money because they stress us out so bad we end up in the motel bar drinking and bitching about them. Since we hardly ever go to a bar we justify it as a entertainment survival cost. We vent and get it out before we have to jump into the fire again the next day. My mother in law has Alzheimer's or what we call senile dementia. We hear the same stories all day long for the four days that we are there. She has started to be very anxiety ridden when it comes to going out. Which is totally not like her . She used to be very social. We can gradually get her out of the house and out to eat or etc when we take them places. It helps some. My father in law is of sound mind except having a mood disorder. You never know if he is going to be depressed or manic. Either way most of the time sucks. I prefer if he is more depressed than being aggressive with mania. Most of the time it reminds me in their home , it is the blind leading the blind. He also can't walk very well. We have tried to get them to go to a home. We have tried to get them help. We have set up bath ladies etc. They will only take the maid that they had way before they got cranky with us getting them help. It is really a no win situation . One of them probably will have to fall and break a hip or up in die to get some help. Our hands are tied since one of them appears to be in sound mind. Even though I doubt it at times.
We wring our hands not knowing what to do and walking on eggshells not to bring up reality. We try to just make the best of it and they like seeing us. Sometimes, it really gets to me also that they think nothing of us spending so much money . We are the poorest in the family and no one else in the family would even be strapped doing what we do. We aren't even poor but it really kills our bank account when we have so much going on. It also makes us where we can't go on a real vacation either now. We used to go on like two vacations a year and for the past couple of years we haven't been anywhere. I just shake my head and try to make myself think I look forward to this trip when I really don't. I do look forward though to getting out of the house.
It isn't because I hate my in-laws. It is because they are so elderly and won't listen to reason when it comes to their care. We do this trip out of duty and also guilt. It is very boring there. We spend money we don't have to go see them. It cost us a small fortune. We have to get a motel for 4 days and also pay for gas and most of our food. We used to board the dogs but it got to expensive so we take them now. We have a friend that will watch the cat. It also cost us a lot of money because they stress us out so bad we end up in the motel bar drinking and bitching about them. Since we hardly ever go to a bar we justify it as a entertainment survival cost. We vent and get it out before we have to jump into the fire again the next day. My mother in law has Alzheimer's or what we call senile dementia. We hear the same stories all day long for the four days that we are there. She has started to be very anxiety ridden when it comes to going out. Which is totally not like her . She used to be very social. We can gradually get her out of the house and out to eat or etc when we take them places. It helps some. My father in law is of sound mind except having a mood disorder. You never know if he is going to be depressed or manic. Either way most of the time sucks. I prefer if he is more depressed than being aggressive with mania. Most of the time it reminds me in their home , it is the blind leading the blind. He also can't walk very well. We have tried to get them to go to a home. We have tried to get them help. We have set up bath ladies etc. They will only take the maid that they had way before they got cranky with us getting them help. It is really a no win situation . One of them probably will have to fall and break a hip or up in die to get some help. Our hands are tied since one of them appears to be in sound mind. Even though I doubt it at times.
We wring our hands not knowing what to do and walking on eggshells not to bring up reality. We try to just make the best of it and they like seeing us. Sometimes, it really gets to me also that they think nothing of us spending so much money . We are the poorest in the family and no one else in the family would even be strapped doing what we do. We aren't even poor but it really kills our bank account when we have so much going on. It also makes us where we can't go on a real vacation either now. We used to go on like two vacations a year and for the past couple of years we haven't been anywhere. I just shake my head and try to make myself think I look forward to this trip when I really don't. I do look forward though to getting out of the house.
Tuesday, March 20, 2012
Springtime Ramblings
I thoug. ht I would write to try to get back to it. It is like i have got writer's block. I just don't think anything in my life is much to write about. I lack the passion to write this dribble. I really don't have the passion for anything. I can vaguely feel it stirring up and that is good. Maybe, I can fool myself and Just do it when it comes to things I like. So here is some of my ramblings for today.....
I didn't do much at all yesterday. I was in a somber mood. I just pretty much laid about for the day. The previous day I managed to start cleaning up the yard. It was a big mess from the dogs getting into the trash and had manage to have 2 bags of rubbish all torn to shreds all over the place. I also managed to pick up other things. It didn't much help my back or shoulder and therefore, just laid around yesterday. My shoulder felt like a tooth-ache. My back was just not working and felt fine just laying down or sitting all day yesterday. Many liquid gel advil later and some muscle relaxer and it feels on the mend today.
I'm trying to trick myself this early morning I'm going to be in a good mood today. I'm piddle paddling around. Making coffee, watering my little flowers I got the other day and picking up. I got some lovely tulips in a pot the other day also a potted hyacinth and another sort of little flower that is yellow. J seemed to pick out all the different colours that day of two yellow plants and one white one. Not my favorites but I just like flowers. I would of picked red, purple and pink. I also did a little walk about the other day and realized that some bulbs are finally starting to pop up also. I love spring flowers or flowers and general. I also fear Daisy has dug up some of my bulbs. I seen my rose bush also survived winter and survived Daisy.
I don't know what today will entail. I have no plans . Most days I just am happy to get through the day. I have though been bent on decluttering and spring cleaning. It seems like it is another way to purge the soul. Maybe today I will make it further than yesterday. I give myself credit for anything I do now as cleaning was such a feat this winter.
I didn't do much at all yesterday. I was in a somber mood. I just pretty much laid about for the day. The previous day I managed to start cleaning up the yard. It was a big mess from the dogs getting into the trash and had manage to have 2 bags of rubbish all torn to shreds all over the place. I also managed to pick up other things. It didn't much help my back or shoulder and therefore, just laid around yesterday. My shoulder felt like a tooth-ache. My back was just not working and felt fine just laying down or sitting all day yesterday. Many liquid gel advil later and some muscle relaxer and it feels on the mend today.
I'm trying to trick myself this early morning I'm going to be in a good mood today. I'm piddle paddling around. Making coffee, watering my little flowers I got the other day and picking up. I got some lovely tulips in a pot the other day also a potted hyacinth and another sort of little flower that is yellow. J seemed to pick out all the different colours that day of two yellow plants and one white one. Not my favorites but I just like flowers. I would of picked red, purple and pink. I also did a little walk about the other day and realized that some bulbs are finally starting to pop up also. I love spring flowers or flowers and general. I also fear Daisy has dug up some of my bulbs. I seen my rose bush also survived winter and survived Daisy.
I don't know what today will entail. I have no plans . Most days I just am happy to get through the day. I have though been bent on decluttering and spring cleaning. It seems like it is another way to purge the soul. Maybe today I will make it further than yesterday. I give myself credit for anything I do now as cleaning was such a feat this winter.
Sunday, March 18, 2012
Springtime
I have been going through a rough spot . It isn't anything new but I'm sick of it and sick of talking about it. Hence , the lack of blog updates. Listen to a bad country song and that has been my life the last couple of years. Actually, probably most of my life has been some tragic song.
I have been starting to come out of my grey area even though there has been so much going on in my life. The sun has finally popped out. The temps have been way above seasonal. I never have wore a pair of shorts in March in Canada. Yesterday it was like around 70 degrees- 18-20 C. It is suppose to go up to 26C this week around 75 degrees. Last weekend we had snow. This week it is almost all gone. It melted so fast my yard is a mud hole. I grilled the other day and i just splashed in mud and had mud all over the place. The lake is still icy but suspect it will go out soon. The bay hardly has any ice except the shore. I'm pretty sure by the end of next week everything should be thawed .
We where coming home from grocery shopping yesterday and I seen a sign of spring. The beavers and geese in a creek doing what they do. It was so majestic to me. I forgot about having to take all the bags in the house. Nothing like geese to tell you winter is over. It still amazes me what a mild winter we have had. The bears should be out anytime also. I don't look forward to that though. Especially, since the dogs tore up trash all over the yard and I'm still picking it up. They made such a mess. My back doesn't bend like it should and my shoulders still hurt and flair up every time I over do myself. I have been doing a lot of stretching everyday to have my hurt just hurt moderately. I really think when my grayness goes out the window to what ever mood is in store for me which generally is mania this time of year . I have a lot of DVDs on Yoga. I need movement.
I haven't moved off the couch most of the winter. I see spring and think oh I'm going to be active again. I have gained weigh and it is time to take it off. It is time to shed everything and slowly getting back to me.
I have been starting to come out of my grey area even though there has been so much going on in my life. The sun has finally popped out. The temps have been way above seasonal. I never have wore a pair of shorts in March in Canada. Yesterday it was like around 70 degrees- 18-20 C. It is suppose to go up to 26C this week around 75 degrees. Last weekend we had snow. This week it is almost all gone. It melted so fast my yard is a mud hole. I grilled the other day and i just splashed in mud and had mud all over the place. The lake is still icy but suspect it will go out soon. The bay hardly has any ice except the shore. I'm pretty sure by the end of next week everything should be thawed .
We where coming home from grocery shopping yesterday and I seen a sign of spring. The beavers and geese in a creek doing what they do. It was so majestic to me. I forgot about having to take all the bags in the house. Nothing like geese to tell you winter is over. It still amazes me what a mild winter we have had. The bears should be out anytime also. I don't look forward to that though. Especially, since the dogs tore up trash all over the yard and I'm still picking it up. They made such a mess. My back doesn't bend like it should and my shoulders still hurt and flair up every time I over do myself. I have been doing a lot of stretching everyday to have my hurt just hurt moderately. I really think when my grayness goes out the window to what ever mood is in store for me which generally is mania this time of year . I have a lot of DVDs on Yoga. I need movement.
I haven't moved off the couch most of the winter. I see spring and think oh I'm going to be active again. I have gained weigh and it is time to take it off. It is time to shed everything and slowly getting back to me.
Wednesday, March 7, 2012
Grey
I don't know where to start. I haven't blogged for awhile so I thought I would post. I'm burnt out with blogging. I have been thinking a little about giving it up and going another direction with it. Who knows. I have been having writer's block also. Plus a lot of bad attitude about who in the hell cares anyway because i sure don't. My attitude isn't good at the moment and I'm not all that positive lately. Life is so-so though. I'm still trying to dig my way out of my pit of depression. That is odd in it's self because I generally starr feeling better this time of year. I don't know what is up with that. I have been cranky and irritable so maybe I'm coming back alive.
I feel like I need to go back to my SAD lamp. It has the problem of making me a little to lively or mixed but it would help push the mood a little in the right direction so i will probably start today. I need some motivation and that would help tremendously with the who cares attitude. I need to give a shit but don't. I just wait till my mood gets better and it will but don't have time to have it get better. I might be waiting to long. I don't feel like hibernating anymore but don't have the motivation to get out of my cozy cave. I'm though going to a theatrical production tonight . It is a move in the right direction. I'm just afraid it will over stimulate me. I don't need to be overstimulated either .
Everything is a delicate balance. I also long for some inspiration or passion it just makes life a little easier.
I feel like I need to go back to my SAD lamp. It has the problem of making me a little to lively or mixed but it would help push the mood a little in the right direction so i will probably start today. I need some motivation and that would help tremendously with the who cares attitude. I need to give a shit but don't. I just wait till my mood gets better and it will but don't have time to have it get better. I might be waiting to long. I don't feel like hibernating anymore but don't have the motivation to get out of my cozy cave. I'm though going to a theatrical production tonight . It is a move in the right direction. I'm just afraid it will over stimulate me. I don't need to be overstimulated either .
Everything is a delicate balance. I also long for some inspiration or passion it just makes life a little easier.
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