Mixed Nuts and Bolts

I have been in a lousy mood for the past couple of days. My sleep is now back all over the place. I'm also trying to find purpose or motivation in my life. It really went to hell in a hand basket ,one day with grey overcast skys. The weather is back to shining again for at least a week. It makes it tolerable. I have been so irritable , it makes me miserable. I have been eating up all my pre-frozen food I made and I'm running out. I need to get off my ass and do something today. The thing is nothing appeals to me at the moment. I did manage to get out of the house yesterday for some more potting soil and etc. I bought a Christmas cactus the other day that needs re potted and finally found something fitting for my violet even though it isn't, what I really want. So, maybe re potting living things will make me feel more alive. I doubt it but it will make some of the time pass with this mood. Sometimes the only thing I find in a foul mood is to do something anything to make the time go by until another mood comes.
One positive thing about getting up in the wee hours of the morning is I got to see the Leonid meteor shower and it was brilliant. It took me some time to focus my eyes in the dark . Also, says something to have pets as I had to take the dogs out to do their business and watched the bright clear sky and they where content also. I need to make myself go out everyday and not allow myself to be a shut in. I fight and trudge when I'm in this mood. I tell myself I don't have to like it and no I will probably hate doing anything but I need to do it for future sanity. Life goes on whether I'm in the mood for it or not. It just becomes a heap of crap if I don't keep things up.

A flood of feelings

I don't know what to really say. My partner has been suffering from addiction and is also Bipolar. I went to an appointment with her today as she was ready to get help with her drinking problem. I'm very proud of her and think it takes a lot of courage to get help. My feelings have been all over the place. I worry a lot about her also as she has some underlying health problems. She was so scared and rightfully so as this is hopefully going to change her life. I already miss her and hope her the best as I know she can do this five day detox. Maybe, this will also give her a chance to get her meds together and me a break from all the chaos that has been around lately. It is heart breaking to watch someone drinking them self to death slowly . It is like slowly committing suicide. I have so much going in my head at the moment and it doesn't help my mood is at a all time mixed up crap state. I need to take care of myself in the meantime and do what I can for me at the moment as my hands are totally out of the mix what is going to happen to her at the moment. I cant guess what will happen and just hope she will be OK. She had to go to detox out of town and I really hope she will be OK. More to come in more days when all this sinks into my brain.