When Life Gives You Lemons, Make Lemonaide

I'm up very early this morning. It has been awhile since, I have got up so early. It is so nice and quiet. I'm drinking coffee and wondering what to blog as nothing particular has been different in my life lately. With it raining a lot , I don't get out much. I did go on a date with J last week and it was fun. We went out to eat and came home to watch a movie. I think it is important not to get into a rut with a relationship. It made for a nice date and we had nice food. Other than that it has been a ton of trudging day to day with life. I have been trying to get out of my rut but I guess I'm not fighting hard enough as I just keep on going in circles. I went off the anti-depressant as I found myself sleeping more and being less productive. My mind just felt like a bag of skittles that busted on the floor. It was all over the place. As much as I detest psych meds I occasional take them when I need to have some adhesive for my brain. I started some haldol and it has been great at holding my fleeting brain together. I will do that until this mood passes and I'm a little more stable like I was in the past. It is a little disheartening that I was pretty OK for 2 years and how I can just fall to pieces this year. I guess it is the nature of the bipolar beast. Back to the basics again and less excuses .

My funny brain

I have been thinking , what will I blog about. Most of the time, I don't find my life very interesting. Although it can be pretty crazy in a mental way and not a chaotic way at the moment. Generally, my mood of mixed (depressed & manic) doesn't appear and shows it's ugly head until the end of October and November . Now living in Canada and the weather being different, it seemed to trigger the seasonal delight faster. The weather has changed dramatically and I wouldn't see this weather until sometime in November where I used to live. Recently my brain has started to spin circles for half of the day . I just wish I could burn some calories from all the spinning my brain has been doing lately. Then the second half of the day it seems to be pretty asleep and dead. My brain tires it's self out and happily I take the much needed break. Yesterday by noon I questioned myself do I need to take some as needed meds to settle the beast of my brain down. I seemed to gity and making stupid jokes. As harmless as that sounds that can quickly escalate into something more obnoxious and ugly. I also was more than my irritable self at the same time. I could hardly sit down and was getting antsy and hyper. I thought to myself , I think I'm going to take some meds . I also asked my partner if my perceptions where correct about myself. Well they where and she told me nicely maybe you should take that little yellow pill. I generally don't take meds and only do when they are needed. I have pretty much been controlling my moods pretty well without being a victim of psych meds. Being a victim of psych meds is a whole separate blog into it's self . I'm just more stable if that can be possible without them and seem to live better. I do take one med as needed and do that only occasionally. It works for me and that is all that matters.
Back to my ramble. I needed my brain to slow down yesterday and was happy with the results of being able to relax and watch movies for most of the day. I debated whether to do something useful as enjoy the sunny day outside and convinced myself watching movies was more of a thing for me to do. Why you ask ? Well because it is pretty low key and doesn't trigger my mood to escalate any farther. That is when chick flicks are very welcomed in my living room. As much as I would like to deny that I watch chick flicks and fluffy movies I do watch them. Everyone needs light at times. I really enjoyed and laughed at this movie called He's Just Not Into You. It is crazy and humorous about the subject of social cues men give and how women interpret them . It seems in the movie most women don't accurately read the cues right. I found it very comical and thought I'm not alone trying in my journey to interrupt what is normal and what does that person really mean by this. I don't know what normal is and guess at it a lot. It just made me think watching the movie so called normal people question what is normal also. It also made me think how differently men and women communicate. Even though it can be stereo typical how women and men communicate. I have seen women communicate like the stereo typical male and men communicate in the stereo typical female fashion. I see so much grey area on how people communicate and it isn't always influenced by gender and more on a variable of factors. As the times change it seems the genders do also to a certain extent. Any way I found the movie to be entertaining as it addressed some issues in a comical way. It also made me think thank-god I don't date as it seems very complex and crazier than my own life. Relationships can be complicated enough without the added drama of guessing if the person is into you are not. I'm thank-ful that I'm in a relationship that I don't have to guess all the time and what the motivation behind things are. It is pretty straight forward. The things that make you think can be so mundane such as a movie as I really didn't think I would be provoked to think at all watching this. It got me through the day and I was thank-ful to relax and just Be for a change. It is nice to manage to be in the moment with what I do and not thinking about other things as I'm trying to do one thing at task.
Now back to drinking coffee this morning and enjoying the wee hours of the morning.