Bored

I went out of town again. This time not for my hobby but for J's. I planned on today as a shopping day but with a bumbed knee I'm not in the mood. I'm a little tired of shopping anyways. I have about 4-5 hours alone today and I'm not sure what I will do.
I have a whole bag of magazines. I need to read what I bought about a week and a half ago. I haven't read any of the new reading material that I have purchased. The thing is I feel extremely restless today and feel like getting shit faced drunk. Not for any particular reason except my mood I suppose. I hate the bored restless feeling with a touch of anxiety that I get at times. Most of the time exercise will get that feeling out. I haven't been able to exercise for about a week and a half. I cant wait until this knee heals some. I did bring a computer game of scrabble along so I may work my brain a little.
Boredom I think is the worst to deal with anymore and I'm chronically bored and under stimulated. I really think it is mood as nothing can satisfy me at the moment. I better stop writing , I'm boring myself. Time to turn up the music and get myself a beer.

Rollercoaster

I haven't blogged in awhile. I either have been manic,skiing or had the bug. I have been sick again with some flu bug and I'm actually thank-ful because it drains me emotionally. I have been becoming real manic and spending. I spent a load when we went skiing again. I spent enough to make me sick to my stomach and enough to stop again. I really didn't want to go skiing this time but it was ok. I have had enough till next year. Until then I will start getting involved with the gym again and start working out for golf season. It has been so unseasonable warm and I love it. I have had enough of winter now even though I love it. It is time for a different season for me and my mood will get better also with the change of season. It will level out more and I won't be all over the place. I have been all over the place and can't stay focused on one ideal. I can't connect the dots lately and it is annoying. I'm getting a little better where I can sleep through the night though and it is helping the mania deflat some. I know it will pass like anything else and it is just holding on till it goes.

Changing Tide

I have many things maturing at the moment that I'm excited about. I'm getting the house organized and getting a new couch. The gym is working out real well also and my mood is picking up. I'm also going skiing again next week also and I'm sure the exercise and loosing weight will pay off in how much more endurance I have. I have next month with several trips planned also. I'm also starting to plan my summer out and it is bright with family visiting from the states. I also have some of my own trips planned for the summer. I look forward to a season of golf and mtn. biking also. I plan on training extra hard at the gym for it also so I will get an edge on these things. It is amazing how a mood can pick up when you have so much planned and it keeps me on my toes. It is also my time of year for my mood to pick up. I will have to watch it as March is a hyper month for me. I will capitalize on getting some done while everything is all fun and games and not nasty energy, scattered thoughts and impulsive everything. I have been looking for the signs and started to medicate according since I only take pills prn.

Home

I'm back at home again and in a strange way, I'm happy. I was able to get a whole 6 hours of sleep , without interuptions. I haven't slept 6 hours straight in weeks . I was sleeping 3-4 hours straight then waking up and maybe getting a hour afterwards, or just sleeping in the day. I actually was able to stay up for evening programming last night. I'm leveling out and I really think the strict rountine and structure I get from travelling helps it. So does extra meds when I need them. I generally hate meds and what they do to me but will take them when I'm manic. They are a god send as I hate being a bouncy complusive mess that mania reduces me to. It isn't real fun for me and I feel like I'm coming out of my skin most of the time. I also noticed even though I spent a lot of money on things that I actually needed it made me sick to spend that money. It was a healthy sign and I'm out of spending mode even if I think I need it. I'm thinking about really getting back to budgeting lately and saving up money.

Christmas , is coming up and I have most of my shopping done and I'm happy that I'm not stressing at the last minute over it. I also set limits this year and hope I wont go over them like I have in the past. The less stress I make myself the less I get triggered from my mood that seems to fuel it. I was happy that I was able to find some normalcy traveling as odd as it seems puts me in a more structured frame of mind. I feel like I have a fresh slate to start on at home and to get some of that structure and rountine back here if I can. Travelling also stressed to me that I need to get out more no matter what. The sunny weather is really helping me a lot. The days are chalked with sun for the past week . What a little sun and sleep will do to a mood. I actually look forward to cooking today also. I actually don't want to isolate any longer and get out and do some grocery shopping to pick up the basics also. I want to really work on getting some more strict structure and rountine balanced with some fun. I was really reminded how much boredom fuels my negative attitude and restless nature.
Now it is time to get busy and try to live life to it's fullest and back to list making to priotize what I need to get done and some brainstorming about what to do around this small town to keep me occupied so I don't become such a malcontent and grump.

Mixed Mood switching over to Mania

In this mixed state of mine , I feel like it is moving to just pure mania. I wanted a shift of mood but not mania. I hate full blown mania. I'm ok if I just don't do anything to agitate me but you have to live life. The more I do the more I act like a volcano of energy. I finally went and did my clothes yesterday and what a chore that was. I ended up doing them fine until they where about done. The first dryer load I folded and then I couldn't fold them any more and just shoved them into bags to do at home. I hate wrinkles and will have to iron some of them out. I tend to hate anything out of order when I'm in this mood and I'm not my laid back self.
I have been getting cat naps and that hasn't been great but at least it is sleep. I can sleep two -three hours straight and wake up . My sleep generally ends in a nightmare which wakes me up. I once had a shrink tell me nightmares tend to happen when a mood is changing. Wow, what an insight. I could have said that. I know my cycles pretty well and November is a bear for me with mania and just pure insanity no matter what I do. I can ease the insanity and do less damage but it is still there the underlying mood. I just have to have my safe guards in place like limits of money and more time outs and I try not to go around people as much as I tend to be irritable or to friendly. I do everything to an excess in this mood and have a hard time seating still.
Which brings me to I don't know how I'm going to seat for 4 hours in the truck when we go to Cambridge today. I will but it will be painful. I will be like a fidgeting little kid , yelling are we there yet. I think I will have to bring my gameboy and listen to music and try to distract myself just like you would a hyper child. Rest stops to exercise my bouncing legs. I think when we get there I will manage to stay busy and take the breaks I need and maybe it will just make me happy not to be at home which I surely think it will. Now to manage to not spend to much as I will give my partner my credit card and will only ask for it when I really need it . I will also need some time outs from my in-laws as they tend to get on my nerves also at times and that is when I will walk out and have a continual smoke break. I need to set my boundaries as they are different in this different mood. It does work though .

Bouncy Ball

The last couple of days I have been bouncing like a bouncy ball during the day when I'm not sleeping. I have short- leashed myself with meds for the past three days and it just makes my body feel like a wet noodle but does nothing for my brain to slow down. Except itmakes me go to sleep at odd hours during the day and not sleep through the night.
Today, my legs aren't as restless bopping up and down as the past couple of days and that is a good sign as it is very annoying to have your whole body fidgeting. I went to town yesterday and made it quick as my mood wasn't conducive to social interaction and what I think in this mood comes out of my mouth. In this manic mix I'm not tactful and I'm getting used to a town I really don't want to live in and have an opinion about everything and everybody in this mood. I even have some noises that just come out of me. I did manage to pick up my Bose system and it really is great. It is a very great bright spot as I love music in about every genre. Even though rock, pop and punk are my favorite. It really enhances the music on my ipod and makes me want to collect more music . Collecting music has never been a problem anyways as I have over 1,000 albums on my ipods.
I have been up for awhile and still can't concentrate very well but I do my best in the morning hours and it doesn't take any thought to pick up and water plants. I'm getting trash together for dump day and some less clutter out of the house. I'm also getting laundry ready so we will have clothes ready for our trip. I also have to brush the animals again as they are getting boarded next week. I'm looking forward to some time without them . I love them so much but like time away from them also.
I have alot to look forward to if my mood doesn't get into my way in a terrible nasty way. I'm taking safe guards against that though like having time to have many time outs and if necessary more medication. This probably will be my last trip to a major city till February.